The space that's in between insane and insecure

I just touched down in Phoenix, I have a three hour lay-over before my flight leaves for JFK. I'll get in at 5:11am tomorrow, June 7th, Mike's birthday. The irony isn't lost on me and it's got me worried. It's safe to say that I'm not in a good emotional state. I'm bouncing back and forth from sadness, to rage and everywhere in between. I'm in that state where I honestly believe that if I got into a fight with anyone, anyone, I'd kill them and think nothing of it.

My iPod is doing a fair job of keeping me in check, but when I heard "Let it be" I was on the verge of losing it in tears. I put my sunglasses on and hid my head from the other passengers on the plane. Then I'd get a song like "Badwitadaba" and just wanted to stand toe to toe with some sort of physical manifestation of what's put my mom in this condition and obliterate it. I started thinking about the new game Dante's Inferno that EA is releasing and showed off at E3. The main character is fighting his way through the 8 circles of hell using a scythe, the one he took from the Grim Reaper. I remember hearing that from the developers and it instantly gave the character badass credit. What happened?, he died, the Reaper came for him, he punched him in the face, took his scythe and then decided he was going to fuck up hell? That's basically what I've been feeling on and off.

I had to skip "Stairway to Heaven" when it came on. Not a good sign right now.

I'm just writing this to stop myself from going insane. Sorry you've had to come along for the ride.