Seattle Duck Tour

Sunday was to be our last full day in Seattle, Mike and I both were flying out on Monday. He back to his job in New York and me... well back to California to sleep in and watch re-runs on TV (Spin City = excellent).

We decided that we were going to go on the Duck Tour that we had seen out and about in the heart of Seattle. Quick Note: The Duck Tour is not a tour to chase down ducks (that's what Shoreline Lake is for). Instead it is a tour of Seattle by land and sea using amphibious vehicles from the World War II collection to transport tourists around the city's streets and through Lake Union.

From Matt's apartment we walked to the city center building and took Seattle's monorail to the Space Needle/EMP area (the monorail only has those 2 stops) and walked the 400 feet or so to get our Duck Tour tickets. After a short wait we were ready to board our vessel, Duck B. Before climbing in we had to stop and get our picture taken for the token overpriced, seriously does anyone ever actually buy these, photo. They gave us a life preserver as a prop, which I instinctively stuck my head through (like Gilligan), the camera snapped the photo and we got in our Duck.

Our captain was a nice guy, Captain Barney Cole. It's just about a week later and I still remember his name for no good reason. Anyway, it quickly became clear from his abundance of hats and the pre-selected driving music that this was one of those gimmicky, sing a-long type tours. It's sad because thinking about my personality I should love these things and be screaming at the top of my lungs all the time. But sadly, for whatever reason, I go hot and cold with them. During this one I was cold - no participation.

One thing I will say, as cliche, gimmicky, dorky or whatever you want to call it, the people of Seattle go ape shit for these things. Every intersection we got to, in the heart of Seattle, in the historic district, on the outskirts - cars were honking, people were waving and everyone was smiling. It's like we were the ice cream man. I thought that was really cool.

So the tour, we started out driving around seeing downtown Seattle. Then we headed to the waterfront where we saw the hotel that the Beatles stayed at while in town. Wish I could remember the name, but anyway Barney told us all of the extra security and preparations that the city had to do for the Fab 4s arrival. I'm not gonna lie to you, those guys may have been bigger than Jesus. Think about it, he only had 12 guys following him around wherever he went, I think even Ringo on his own had more than that.

While in the historic district, Pioneer Square (which is shaped like a triangle), we learned about the "big" fire that whipped out Seattle and the subsequent re-building which lead to the creation of an entire underground city (separate tour). I loved how they called it a big fire though. Sure, it took out Seattle but at the time Seattle wasn't all that big. The fire in Chicago, now that was a big f'in fire. The one in Seattle may not have been bigger than the one that burned down my house. Who knows though, maybe that's just more east coast bias.

After ducking around the city we headed out to Lake Union, named because it was created to connect two other bodies of water... body of water A and body of water B (sorry I wasn't paying attention at that point). As we were on the water we got to see seaplanes land, kayakers, sunbathers, leisure sailors and guys just out there playing with their dingy (Tommy Boy). But all of these people too, kept waving and smiling as the duck passed - the just love those things in Seattle. Anyway, we saw the floating home that was used (exterior only) in Sleepless in Seattle and learned that because of the drastic economic situation we are in, it had to be taken off the market after no one was willing to purchase it for $2.5 million. Rough life.

We learned more fun facts, like that the city has a cap on the number of floating homes that can be in the lake. That limit was reached before the something something club (again not paying full attention to the tour - in my defense I was probably checking out girls on a boat somewhere) could build theirs so they came up with an ingenious plan. They built their club house as they intended, but instead of putting it right up on land they put it out a few feet and attached a crapload of motors to the back to get it classified as a boat (which there are no limits on). Every year they need to take it around the lake once to prove to the Coast Guard that it's a boat, not a physical structure and according to Barney it takes about 12 hours to motor that thing around the lake. This lead to 2 thoughts of mine: 1) I bet the Coast Guard hates that day having to sit around and watch it, while on the other hand I'm sure tons of people line the shores or get on their own boats and turn the event into an all day drinking celebration. and 2) the club probably only fits in the same area that it occupied, so when they take it out, why not just park your something there and then sell them back the space? Maybe that's just too much of a dick move but hey, it'd get you paid.

Anyway after that we headed back to our starting point, got stuck in traffic with YMCA blaring, and I actually thought people were going to get out of their cars and dance along with us. They didn't but it would have been classic. That was supposed to be our final song but thanks the traffic we were still someways from our final destination. Fortunately, Captain Barney had 1 last trick up his sleeve - the Time Warp. Now there wasn't any room in the Duck but I'd like to think that if there was a good number of us (myself included) would have jumped to the left.

Finally the duck landed and we unloaded. Our next stop, one of the casinos just outside of Seattle. I wont write anything about that other than rather than being a lady, she was a
young chick, she so immature
She like, "Why you don't buy me Reeboks no more?"
Like to show out in public, throw tantrums on the floor
Gotta toss a couple dollars, just to shut up her holla

I suppose it's all well and good, just means that lady luck will meet me in Vegas in July.

Safeco Field

One thing I forgot to mention about how Friday started off was that I went online and found a ticket for Saturday's Giants vs. Mariners game so that I could go to the game with Mike and Matt. There, now that that potential plot hole has been filled we can move on.

The three of us spent most of Saturday afternoon at a cookout at one of Matt's friends, drinking beer, eating delicious ribs and mingling. It was a really relaxing afternoon, and fortunately I was able to bum some sunscreen, off of our gracious hosts, so that my burning was kept to a minimum. After a quick stop back at Matt's apartment to change (I've learned my lesson from night games at AT&T Park) we set out on foot to Safeco Field.

The walk wasn't too long and was really interesting to see the local area. As we came up on the stadium Matt mentioned that there were plenty of vendors outside of the stadium selling discount snacks (sort of like the $1 Hot Dog guy who used to be outside of the old Yankee stadium). After we got inside the stadium we started walking towards our seats but stopped above the the bullpens to watch the starters warm up.

We wound up staying in that spot for the first couple of innings and I made friends with the guy next to me, who came down from Tacoma (I think) with a large group to celebrate someone's sister's birthday. Okay, so I don't remember the guy's life story - sue me. He was an okay guy. Obviously a "west coast fan" like my roommate because he had a new question just about every two seconds, but he was cordial about it so it didn't take up all of my patience. He was on my right. To the left of our group was a group of Giants fans who made the trip from SF, one guy in particular it seemed for the sole purpose of heckling the Giants left fielder, Fred Lewis. This guy was riding Lewis the whole time, calling him "Fresno Fred" (a referrence to the Giants Triple-A team) and even yelling to the bullpen coach who would throw with Fred in between innings that he should be playing left instead of Lewis. Here's former Met great Endy Chavez. Around the fifth inning or so we headed to our seats in the centerfield bleachers. The game had been action anemic to that point, with the Mariners holding a 1-0 lead, despite Giants pitcher Matt Cain pitching well and being in command. Mike and I went to get burgers that Matt recommended and the Giants loaded the bases. However, with some great defensive plays by third baseman Adrian Beltre (if only the guy could hit consistantly), the M's got out if it. Mike and returned with our burgers and the three of us lamented the sports interest of the Seattle faithful as demonstrated by their over exuberance at doing the wave during key moments of the 7th inning. By the way, according to legend or what-not, the wave was actually created in Seattle on the University of Washington campus during a football game against Princeton in the early 1900s. And West Coast "fans" have been more interested in it than actual sports ever since.

In the 8th the Giants started a rallying and putting runs on the board. As soon as the Mariners gave up the lead you could hear the "Let's Go Giants!" chant throughout the stadium. Totally embarassing considering that Giants fans aren't exactly the most supportive. Case in point - a week prior I almost single handedly drowned them out with my rally towel as the Mets rallied to beat them in San Francisco. Yet, here were road Giants fans drowning out Mariner fans in their home. Just pathetic. That sort of shit doesn't happen on the East Coast. The Giants broke it open with a 3 RBI double by Emmanuel Burris (I think) to take a 5-1 lead. Then, just to put the icing on the cake - you guessed it, a 2 run Home Run by (Fresno) Fred Lewis. In our ironic excitement we jumped up and down celebrating and looked over towards our friends in left field. It looked like they had forgiven Fred.

The Giants won the game and we headed back to Matt's apartment to take it easy for the night, since most of the day had been spent drinking. One interesting note though - on the way back we did get to see a guy arrested by Seattle's finest. He was obviously drunk off his rocker and swore that he wasn't armed, that it was only the officer who had a weapon on him, but seemed relatively harmless. Not to start trouble or anything, but let's just say that he wasn't of the complexion you'd see at the Yacht Club or on many private golf courses. I mention this, one because it's still a bit sad to see and two because it's really funny when you look at it in non-pc terms and are amazed when 2 different squad cars and 1 un-marked come out of nowhere within 2 minutes to take down someone who isn't a big deal.

Oh well, it was a good day.

Hit my music

So I got this idea earlier this morning, somewhat inspired by the format I came up with a few months ago of writing things solely in song lyrics. My idea was to construct my own theme/entrance music using the same approach - mash ups of parts of other songs. What makes this slightly more complicated however, is that when writing I only have to pay attention to the order and progression of words, here I would also need to take into account musical attributes such as tempo, pitch etc.
While I may never actually physically put my motivational theme music together I did spend some time thinking about what songs I would use. Here's what I have so far, in no particular order:

• the intro beat and first spoken part of Taz's ECW entrance music "Survive if I let you"
• the beginning of "Voodoo Child (slight return)" by Jimi Hendrix
• either the opening of "Highway to Hell" or "Thunderstruck" by Ac/Dc, I don't want to use more than 1 song per band
• some portion of a Rage Against the Machine song, honestly there are so many to choose from this one would probably be based on the music
• I would rather use a different Metallica song but for whatever reason I can't think beyond "Enter Sandman" for one that has a really kick ass part. Maybe "One" the part that I always fail on in Guitar Hero
• the scream at the beginning of Disturbed's "Get down with the sickness"
• Robert Plant's opening scream from the "Immigrant Song"
• the beginning of "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns N' Roses
• the chorus of Pantera's "Walk"
  

and then here's where it gets a little weird. I realized that I didn't have any rap included at this point, despite the fact that there are quite a few songs that jack me up and should be part of this. I think adding them from a musical standpoint makes this even more complicated. Anyway, also to be (theoretically) included:

• DMX's "Ruff Rider's Anthem" - just the main baseline
• one of Eminem's tracks, maybe either " 'Til I collapse" or "the way I am"
• and of course I want some Jay-Z, maybe "99 problems" or my favorite lines from the "Numb/Encore" mash with Linkin Park

Who knows if I'll ever actually produce this, I'm sure every time I think about this again I'll change everything in my head anyway. But it was at least fun to think about for a day.

Seattle, Day 2

So Friday morning Mike and I woke up and needed to entertain ourselves while Matt was at work. After getting dressed we headed out to explore Seattle without a clue. I had packed my G1 holiday gift from Google last year, and figured this would be a perfect time to try out those find local things apps I had downloaded.

Before actively looking for breakfast we headed over to the famous Pike Place Market to watch some guys throw fish and just generally check it out. It was really cool and seeing all that fish made me really hungry, even at 10:30-11am. After seeing what we thought was all there was (in actuality we saw maybe 1/7th of the market) we started wandering around looking for a place interesting enough to eat. It was at this point that I decided to try out the G1 and not only get us an idea of where to eat, but also directions on how to get there. However, what I failed to take into account is that in order for it to work I needed to be connected via wi-fi, which, while not typically a problem in the silicon valley is an issue in basically every other city. So it was a two-fer: technology and holiday gift fail.

Eventually we settled on a place called Dome Burger in Seattle's Pioneer Square (the historic district). We grab a quick meal and decided to head over and check out the Space Needle, another of Seattle's famous attractions. The walk wasn't bad, especially for two kids who are fairly used to trekking around Manhattan. We walked and talked, caught up since the time difference typically prevents me from staying in constant communicado with my friends back East. At some point we must have gotten on the topic of food and I lamented, as you would expect, about the lack of pizza on the west coast. We discussed what these places meant when they referred to themselves as "New York style" and I commented that the concept was lost on me because not only do they not taste like actual New York pizza but they charge ludicrious prices per slice, sometimes upwards of $3. This caught the attention of a kid in a bowler hat close by who mentioned that he was originally from New York and shared my view. He introduced himself as "The Tramp" and pointed out his friends Blood-something or other and by that point I had completely tuned out when he named his third compadre. I was too busy wondering why his name would be "The Tramp". Your name can't start with "The". Why not be Tramp or Tommy The Tramp. That would have been more respectable. Anyway, he mentioned that he and his friends were also headed towards the Space Needle for what he described as a massive hippie fest. Oh good. Fortunately a few blocks later they split off in an off direction towards one side of the needle and Mike and I headed towards the needle proper.

After waiting in line Mike and I bought our tickets and went up to the top. Here's a few pictures I took of Seattle from the top of the Space Needle.
After taking our share of photos and learning a bit of history thanks to the interactive maps on the inside we headed down to the gift shop where I did a mitzvah. I stopped Mike from buying an over priced mug in the gift shop, not because he's getting married and shouldn't buy an over priced gift shop novelty, but because it was perhaps the uggliest mug in the history of the universe. Let me see if I can describe it. Sort of an oblong shape, and the color scheme was a bit of black but mostly over powered by a grayish green color that should give anyone a knee jerk reaction nearing projectile vomit.
Anyway the gift shop wasn't all bad. I was really excited when I saw this because a friend had recently posted a blog entry about Lego releasing sets based on famous architectural pieces and I thought that was really interesting and long overdue.
Shortly after exiting the Space Needle's gift shop we got a call from Matt that they had a keg in their office and we should swing by for a few drinks. Never one to turn down a free beer, not to mention getting a chance to check out an actual ad agency from the inside beyond what you get to see when you interview, we started making our way over.
When we got there we were created by Matt and some of his co-workers. They showed us up to the Publicis offices and pointed us towards the keg. Walking down the halls was exciting as some of the agencies was hanging on display. Additionally, they had some of the familiar perks I had at Google, namely ping pong and a pool table. Unfortunately I'm as good as I used to be at ping pong and lost two straight games to Mike. However, I did manage to make some difficult shots in pool which made me feel slightly better about my chances for one day learning how to actually play the game. After filling our cups Matt showed us his office before we adjourned to the deck to enjoy our drinks in the sun and take in their great view (seen below). Anyway that's about it for the story, the rest of the night just involved prolonged drinking at various bars throughout Seattle, which was fun, but nothing much to talk about.

Now arriving: Emerald City

A few months ago I got a call from one of my best friends back in New York, Mike, inviting me to join him up in Seattle for Memorial Day weekend. I double checked with Matt, his cousin, if he could put another body up at his apartment and after he gave the okay I booked my trip.

So this past weekend I packed up and headed to the Northwest. As part of my new "fiscally conservative" lifestyle I took a new route to the airport - walked the estimated mile (estimated by my friend Jonas, I think it's somewhat less) to the train station, took the free shuttle from the train station to the airport and checked in. One thing I will mention because it annoyed me, was that I paid the $4.50 fare for the train, which I was only riding two stops, and no one ever came around to check.

That pisses the hell out of me because you can't buy tickets on the train (like you can in NY) so it's a crap shoot. Either pay the fare and you may not have had to, or skip it and risk getting some sort of massive fine. Stupid ass California mass transit. At least in NY, even if I was only going 2 stops on Metro-North they'd have checked my ticket. Transit fail on you Cali.

Anyway, the flight wasn't much in terms of adventure, save for the guy next to me, which I already covered in a previous post (" 'Scuse me while I kiss this guy"). I did complete 3 or 4 levels in Elite Beat Agents including the "YMCA" level and one of my new favorite songs, Earth, Wind and Fire's "September". But I consider that to be a successful fight.

When I touched down I headed towards the baggage claim and ran into Mike and Matt waiting for me. Mike's flight had landed about 25-30 minutes ahead of me and he already had a Starbucks in his hand. In his defense it was his first trip to the west coast and by his internal clock it was already quarter to 1 in the morning and he had been up "teaching" (he's a phys. ed instructor that's why teaching is in quotes - I give him a hard time about that all the time) since 7 or 8 in the morning. We headed down to the baggage claim carousel and after about 5 minutes after the first bags came up, I had mine and we were on our way.

After loading up Matts car we departed. We conferred that it would be a good idea to get some food before we got to Matt's apartment. However, Seattle, like other west coast cities doesn't have the "city that never sleeps" mentality that the three of us are used to. This caused us to head to a Jack In the Box on the outskirts of the city, the only place Matt knew of that was still open. Thanks to more lovely west coast street signage that doesn't exactly tell you what road you're on or where you're going, our trip was a little bit longer than we expected. However, we finally made it and ordered up some late night grub.

Upon arriving at Matt's apartment we promptly dropped off our belongings, inflated some air mattresses and headed back out to one of the local watering holes. The Blarney Stone Pub - sounds Irish enough for my taste. Plus they had Harp on tap. Check, it's a winner. After a few rounds, some catch up conversation and checking the day's sports happenings courtesy of Sports Center we retired to Matt's apartment for sleep. It being about 4am (internally) to Mike, Matt having to work in the morning and me with no real reason to stay awake.

So we didn't see or do much in terms of Seattle, but it was a nice ease into the trip.

Best airport in America!?

On my way back to San Jose yesterday I had a layover in Portland, Oregon. While walking around the airport I saw a sign which read that Portland Airport (PDX) was rated the #1 airport in the U.S. by Conde Nast Traveler three seperate times, the most recent being in 2008.

In a related story, Conde Nast Traveler has lost all credibility.

'Scuse me, while I kiss this guy

I flew to Seattle tonight (writing this as if it isn't 2am Friday morning) and was seated next to, possibly, the worst passenger I've ever been seated next to. Midway through the flight, as we're flying over nothing spectacular this guy leans almost completely over me to take a picture of said nothing spectacularness. His elbow was literally more than midway across my tray table as I was trying to play Elite Beat Agents on my Nintendo DS.

Of course it got more frustrating when we actually got near Seattle. He then had to lean across to look out the window. This forced me into an uncomfortable position of having to turn my neck as far to the left as possible and hold it there during our decent because even looking straight in front of me would have resulted in my first man kiss - he wasn't my type. After enduring both a painful and awkward 20 minutes or so (because at no point did the thought, "hey, maybe I'm invading this guys personal space like" seem to cross his mind) we finally landed and I was free.

Going off exploring tomorrow and with any luck will remain man kiss free.

It just got real

I got my invitation to Scott and Kristen's wedding today. I don't know much about wedding invitations, but I do know that women spent lots of time picking them out. While I'll never be mistaken for someone with a classically trained eye for style in these matters (I'm sure there is a shorter phrase for that, but damn if I know what it is), I really like the invitations they sent out.
Anyway, to the title of this post. Scott and Kristen have been together for a long time, and we knew this was inevitable and more so after they got engaged, but really until I opened the invitation I don't think the full weight of the situation hit me. It's like the last few weeks before high school graduation; you knew it was eventually inevitable, you made your plans for after graduation and were all ready to go. But then, you started to realize what it actually meant. After that ceremony there are no more school plays, or lacrosse games. No more cutting science lab, passing notes in the hall, or freaking out about who is dating who. And there certainly won't be a crazy guy trying to recreate Woodstock in the parking lot. Upon those realizations, you reminisce and feel a little sad.

I'm at that stage now. Sure, I haven't spent as much time with Scott and Kristen as I used to (on account of moving to California) but I know that after their wedding things will be markedly different. They're two of my best friends and I'm so happy for them because they're a lot more Tommy and Gina than Brenda and Eddie (if you don't know those two song references Google them right now because your life is empty. It's okay, I'll wait.). Not only am I sad that our obvious care-free existence has just about been stamped out by harsh reality - "It's okay, I understand, this ain't no never neverland" (I'll give you this one, it's a J. Geils Band line) - and we grow up and get saddled with responsibilities, but also because I'm a bit envious of what they have found in each other. The wedding isn't until July so I'll avoid getting all misty eyed and sappy for now.

Although I should probably start looking for a date. Now it is like high school.

Right eye funny, left eye deadly

Tonight I went to an archery range in Palo Alto with some friends for Sarah's birthday. Well, it was Sarah's birthday, but whether we went to the archery range because it was Sarah's birthday is unkown to me. Correlation does not imply cuasation.

Anyway, I was excited to learn how to shoot a bow and arrow because I still harbor some secret dreams that deep in my subconscious lies a natural, highly efficient killing machine that will show itself when given the chance. Part of that dream is that after demonstrating my natural ability I'm abducted by the government and put into some super secret military program (similar to Weapon X, or Super Soldier) where they inject me with medication that not only cures my Crohn's disease but also has all the benefits of steroids without any of the side effects. But I'd never admit that dream/fantasy to anyone because they'd think I'm crazy. So just pretend I didn't write that.

The instructor was a really nice guy, very down to Earth and obviously and avid archer, he was really glad to talk about it with us. So before we started we were introduced to the equipment, everyone who's left handed raise your hand so you can be ostracized (it's like that in every sport/activity). However, this question presented an unusual challenge for me. I was born right handed, write with my right, throw a baseball with my right, shoot a basketball with my right, but learned to be quasi-ambidextrous playing lacrosse and shoot a gun (air rifle) left handed. So I nervously asked for assistance in determining which hand I should be when shooting a bow and arrow.

The instructor had an interesting solution. He had my form a small triangle by overlapping my hands and then asked me to look through it and focus on his hand. Then he asked me to slowly pull my hands back closer to my face. While I was pulling my hands back he announced that I was left eye dominant and therefore, for the purposes of shooting a bow and arrow, left handed. Mom would be so proud. I still don't actually know what he was looking for that told him that but was fine with his diagnosis. So I loaded up the wrist guard on my right arm and took hold of the left handed bow as we walked up to the first firing line, 5 yards from the wall of targets.

It was at this point that he instructed us on the proper foot placement, how to load the arrow onto the bow, grip the firing string and in the end, fire. At first it was a bit uncomfortable using my left hand to pull back and fire, but after firing a few off my body adjusted. The first couple of rounds my arrows were clumping fairly well, however usually in the blue ring (yellow center, red just outside of that, blue outside of that, black outside of that, white outside of that) of the target. After we got comfortable our instructor asked us to fire at the lower targets on the wall, so that he could guide us on where we should be aiming in order to the targets dead on. From my shots he suggested that I concentrate on keeping my back elbow raised (a constant problem which has plauged me throughout baseball/softball seasons) and aim for the bottom of the black section of my target.

I stepped back to the line and implemented the instructor's suggestions. Whish, whish, whish, whish - 3 reds and a yellow. Sweet. Another round from this distance - 2 reds and 2 yellows, and the 2 yellows were parallel to each other, which was a goal I set for myself for the simple fact that it seemed cool.

After that we were ready to move back to the 10 yard line. My first round wasn't as successful as the new distance requires some aiming calibration. Midway through my second round I figured where I needed to aim and it was back to Robin Hood like accuracy. After a few more rounds, we moved back to 15 yards. Again, after a little calibration I was back to hitting yellow like uhm, something that hits yellow frequently.

I was feeling pretty good until we moved back to 20 yards. I kept trying to make my adjustment but couldn't get closer than the blue circle. Of course by this point though the whole yellow section looks like the size of a dime. I also felt my form wasn't as correct as it had been previously, either due to the amount of shots I had fired and an inability to repeat the same motion consistently (see my bowling game) or a combination of the distance and the size of my arrows (I was using longer and heavier ones that the rest of my friends).

In the end I had a great time, and feel really good about my bow sniping ability from inside of 20 yards. While I'm not going to go rushing headlong (Queen reference) into this as a new hobby, I definitely think it's an activity I'll do again. Although, I still would like to go to a firing range and squeeze off a few rounds.

Hey, if you're going to be the military's new super soldier you've got to be well versed in all types of weaponry.

Meet the Beat Alls

If you never watched, or up until this point in life had zero interest in watching, the Powerpuff girls, you need to watch the episode, "Meet the Beat Alls". It's just one giant Beatles reference with characters speaking in lyrics and the storyline mimicking the career of the band. I love the concept and it's actually what inspired me to write my biography in lyrics both for my Miami Ad School application and my goodbye email at Google.

Anyway, here's a short clip from the episode to inspire you to watch one of the best written episodes of a TV show ever. (You can find it on YouTube in 2 parts)

Back in the day

Animated shows were both funny and smart. If you were a kid in the 90s chances are you watched one of the brilliant shows produced by Steven Spielberg.

Made from the best stuff on Earth

I may love Snapple Iced Tea almost as much as Mountain Dew.

This afternoon/evening, I headed out to The Bay Fish and Chips (a great little place I found with the help of Yelp) to pick up some grub. I ordered the clams and chips and tacked on an additional 2 shrimp (everyone out here calls them prawns and I don't get why). I hurried home, grabbed a cold Snapple out of the fridge and within seconds was in heaven.

Maybe it tastes so good because I don't drink it as often as Dew. Maybe it's actually the perfect hot weather beverage. And it goes great with fried foods. Back in New York I'd have it with fried chicken while watching Barbershop or Barry Gordie's The Last Dragon or my favorite - I'm Gonna Git You Sucka.

Whatever it is, my first sip is always incredible.

Health Insurance

After being denied for yet another individual health plan I got a bit of relatively good news today. I got a bill for my COBRA coverage.

Apparently while I was filling out the online paperwork to see if I qualified for the 9 month 65% rate reduction I agreed to the coverage. Fortunately I qualified for the rate reduction so the monthly premium is affordable. Whoo hoo, I have health insurance.

Called my mom to let her know, she was very happy.

The Freak ain't Wright

Tonight (Friday night) I made the annoying trek up to San Francisco (made annoying by the frustratingly poor mass transit) because my Mets are in town to take on the Giants. What made this even better is "The Freak" Tim Lincecum was pitching, and it was one of my goals was to be able to see him live.

Quick explanation on why he's the freak - if we stood next to each other Tim and I are the same size, he just has longer hair (as Steve pointed out). Give us each a baseball and ask us to throw it as hard as we can - I'll wind up and hit high 60s maybe low 70s on the radar gun. Lincecum will herk and jerk and go into a crazy motion and then blaze it in there at 98mph. Then he throws a nasty curveball that basically mimics Willie E. Coyote chasing the roadrunner off a cliff , one second he's at eye level then realizes there's no ground below him and just drops.

So back to the game. Lincecum gets in some 1st inning trouble and gives up a run, however he's bailed out by Carlos Beltran getting thrown out at 3rd on David Wright's RBI single. Bottom of the inning, the Giants get 4 runs off Livan and it looks like it's going to be smooth sailing for the Freak. Bottom 2 the Giants get a solo homer so now the Mets are down 5-1 and you figure the chances are done. I turned to my friends and suggested that the Mets strategy will be to up Linecum's pitch count and get to the Giants nameless/faceless bullpen. A couple hits here, a couple there, striking out on 6 pitches instead of 3 and by the 6th inning, Lincecum is over 80 pitches. In the 6th they touch him for 2 runs and it's 5-3. We all figured that the Freak was done with his spot in the order coming up, but the manager let him hit for himself and he drove in a run but got thrown out trying to stretch it into a double. We were still shocked that he left him in. Top 7, 2 walks and the Freak is gone. I love it when a plan comes together. I broke out the rally towel (compliments of Lauren Campbell), 3 runs in the innng thanks to David Wright and we're tied 6-6.

Take us to the 9th and closer Brian Wilson, who gave up 3 runs to the Mets the night before is in. Now Wilson is on one of my fantasy teams, and one of the ones that I actually care about, but at no point did I wish him success. Actually my eyes lit up when he was announced and I clutched the towel knowing that this guy had nothing. They kept showing clips of Wilson saving games and doing his patented arms crossed at the chest, index fingers pointing out. I then devised my mock. Wright got the rally going and after the Mets took a 7-6 lead I crossed my arms and turned my wrists so that my thumbs pointed down. I thought it was clever. Another run in and it's 8-6.... K-Rod time! To inspire or motivate the crowd they showed a "classic" Giants comeback on the jumbotron. One problem - the highlight was from August 10, 1987. That's my birthday, which makes me a direct link and grants me the ability to cancel out whatever mojo they were going for. Flyball, groundball, and one embarassing looking strikeout later - Mets win, good night, game over, get home safely.

Comedy Heaven

So YouTube recently struck a deal for the rights to show full episodes of old shows in order to prevent everyone from jumping to Hulu or Tv.com or Fancast or iTunes or a bunch of other options. While the selection is really thin right now (the YZ# category of shows is entirely Yu-Gi-Oh), I did manage to come across this hilarious classic.



If you don't find that funny you either:
1) Have no sense of humor
2) Or are a woman (seriously, they don't get the Stooges and I don't know why)

Consequently, if you are a woman who enjoys the Stooges leave me a message with your ring size and if you prefer and spring or fall wedding. Thanks.

Deadliest Warrior

I just watched back to back episodes of this show on Spike - what an awesome show.

Episode 1 - Mafia vs. Yakuza
So the show starts out with experts for each side explaining and demonstrating the weapons that their "clients" would/did use in battle. For the Mafia they displayed the Tommy Gun, Molotov cocktail, baseball bat, sawed-off double-barrel shotgun, and the ice pick. Basically your standard fair from the Godfather and any other classic mob movie you've seen. The Yakuza weapons are things I'm a bit less familiar with: a semi-automatic machine gun, ceramic grenade, nunchunks, walther pistol and sais (Raphael style).
The Mafia's weapons typically did a lot more damage than what the Yakuza were using, which is why in 1,000 simulated "squad based battles" the Mafia won over 58%.
Now I'm Italian and I respect the mob, but I've also seen enough martial arts movies to know that 1 on 1 Yakuza are probably more skilled fighters. My problem with the simulation is that I don't think it took into account what happens when there are no weapons, present or in a hand-to-hand fight. Anyway, despite my objection the point is - THE MOB WINS!!

Episode 2 - Green Berets vs. Spetsnaz
This takes me back to my young days growing up in the 80s, taught that the Soviets were just like us, except evil. It's what started my lifelong crushing on cold war cuties, the belief that they were as deadly as they were beautiful, and they would seduce and kill me. What can I say, I watched a lot of James Bond, and cheaper knock-offs, when I was a kid. Okay snap back to reality. They lined up each special forces equipment and demonstrated their awesome killing precision. I don't remember many of the weapons, especially on the Green Berets side because they had a lot of numbers. I do remember the Spetsnaz used the Draganov sniper rifle, which I learned about last season on Burn Notice (possibly the best show on TV), however it wasn't as accurate as the U.S. sniper rifle which put a bullet between the eyes of 3 targets in under 5 seconds. The other memorable weapon, was Spetsnaz's ballastic knife. It's a combat knife, used for slashing, stabbing and usual knife type attacking. However, it's also spring loaded and you can shoot the knife at a measured 39 miles per hour, with good accuracy. HOLY SHIT!!
In the end the squad based simulations were very close and did not pass statistical significance (the difference was 7 kills), but Spetsnaz won.
If you had seen the former Spetsnaz guys they had on, you'd be afraid. Green Berets are badass, but these guys are badass, don't smile and wear mirrored sunglasses. They look the part of scary ass guys who will kill you and not worry about international reaction to their foreign policy.
Congratulations Deadliest Warrior, you've rekindled my fear of the Soviet War Machine; and by extension, made Eastern European (Czech, Polish, Ukrainian and Russian) women even more attractive.

Late Late Night

During my semi-retirement (what i choose to call my current unemployment) I've found myself staying up later most nights, since there is no real reason to wake up before 10:30, or 11:30 in the morning. As a result I've found myself watching more late night TV than usual.

I like Dave more than Jay, so unless the guest disparity is immense I'll be watching Letterman. After that I would usually flip back to NBC to watch Conan, but he's off now getting his team ready to take over for Jay, which I'm excited for. As I have been flipping through the late late shows I started to wonder: "How has Conan being off the air affected the ratings of the other shows?" I'm really interested to know the stats behind this. Have his viewers stopped watching late late shows and started going to be earlier? Have they latched on to a new late late show host in anticipation of Conan moving to an earlier time slot? Or do they flip back and forth based on guests?

Even though I would like to know what the magnitude of the "Conan Effect", I've got my own opinion on the situation.

Jimmy Fallon - He's taken over Conan's timeslot and why someone would give this moron a talk show is beyond my comprehension. He wasn't funny on SNL, he laughs at his own jokes (which you could overlook occassionally if they were funny), and he's always got this dumb look on his face that, despite me being a bit of a pacifist, makes me want to inflict serious physical harm on him. I'm actually thinking of coming up with a Dr. Cox style rant of all things I hate less than Jimmy Fallon, or things that are funnier than Jimmy Fallon but I'm a bit tired so fill in the blanks yourself. I will write the ending for you though - "and of course, Hugh Jackman".

Jimmy Kimmel - Jimmy is in a weird position because his show actually stradles the Jay/Dave and Craig/Conan (now Jimmy Fallon) slots. My guess is that Kimmel's fans haven't been drastically affected by the abscence of Conan, unless there were a small group of Conan fans who were never really satisifed with either Jay Leno or Letterman. I've seen some segments of Jimmy's show and I think it's pretty good. The spots with Sarah Silverman, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are classic (almost on par with Triumph at the Star Wars premiere) and Jimmy is a fairly good interviewer.

Craig Ferguson - His show may be the most similar to Conan's in the sense that they realize that they are on really late and their audience is always the most serious group of people. In fact, on most nights Ferguson is literally manic. He combines the self-deprecating (and ragging on CBS) approach of Letterman with the cheesy gags and random acts of insanity that Conan did, just without a partner like Andy Richter or Max Weinberg. He doesn't really get that many great guests in my opinion, but the "interviews" are usually very entertaining.

So, in my opinion, until I need to get to bed earlier I'm going to make Craig Ferguson my Conan replacement. It wasn't that hard of a decision. But choosing between Conan and Dave is going to be a tough one.

Proof that Ferguson is manic, and doesn't get many guests. Whatch his interivew with Russell Brand, it's about 15 minutes long and is serious for about 40 seconds and then they just go completely off their rockers.
Part 1

Part 2

For the mommies

Mother's Day seems like a very different, special, kind of holiday. For daughters it may not be all that different from other holidays, but as a son I see it as something else. Turn on the TV around Mother's Day and you'll see really smart men, really tough men, really rich men, really cool men, etc. all doing the same thing - looking a bit flustered, vulnerable and emotional and thanking their moms.

It almost seems like an alternate reality, a good 95% of the male population goes soft for the day and thanks their moms for everything. The lists are always endless, "my mom always made sure I had lunch money"; "my mom worked 2 jobs so we could have new clothes for school"; "my mom inspired me to go back to school" and in then end, we (males) come away realizing that no matter what we've done in life, no matter how big and strong, or smart or wealthy or whatever, we got there in large part because of the sacrifices our mom's made to provide for us. While it may be in our nature to take it for granted, or downplay their significance, on this one day we suck it up and break down to tell our moms that they are appreciated.

This year I made a custom Mother's Day card for my mom. Okay, so everyone is probably saying "so what? I made one of those in the 2nd grade." which is true, but not one like this. Hallmark ran a great promotion where you could pick one of their Mother's Day cards and customize it for your mom. I can't say that I've been blessed with insane amounts of talent in any area, but one thing I think I can do is write. No joke it took me 48 minutes to write the card, figure out what I wanted to say, how I wanted to say it and then make it look all nice and pretty. In the end I listened to 3 songs for inspiration, went through about a half dozen tissues and had to make the card 2 times (because I wasn't logged in the first time). I think it came out great and my mom liked it (how many times have you said that line in your life?) which means it was a success.

Why Can't I Quit You?

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who has a list of specific movies, which, if you are flipping through the channels and come across will instantly cease all other actions and watch from that point until the end. It could be 5 minutes in, 20 minutes in, just before that really memorable scene or just after it, and you're hooked. Happens all the time.

That's why last night I was up until 3am, because I had stumbled across the Robert Rodriguez classic, "Desperado" starring (one of the best names ever) Antonio Banderas and (seriously at 60 will still look amazing) Salma Hayek. I can't even begin to explain what it is about this movie that makes me watch it whenever it's on. One part awesome gunfights, one part what I think is excellent cinematography, at least two parts Salma Hayek, one part Antonio Banderas, etc. It's just for some reason, I movie I really enjoy.

Here's a couple other "surf stoppers" that I'll pause life to watch:

"Bloodsport" - Based on actual events in the life of American Badass Frank Dux, this has to be the best Jean Claude Van Damme movie ever. Gets the adrenaline going to the point where I need at least 35 minutes post credit roll before I can even think about being a normal member of society.

"Rudy" - Always tell myself that I should turn it off before I cry but never listen. Good to see Vince Vaughan and John Faverau in their slimmer days and Sean Aston without hairy feet. In all seriousness, it's always an inspiration.

"Rocky I or II" - You know the movie by heart and still are glued to it waiting for the classic montages and final fight scenes. If alone I'll usually train along with Rocky. If someone is in the room I'll silently hope that they leave so I can train with Rocky.

"The Blues Brothers" - Between the Aretha Franklin scene, and the Ray Charles city wide dance sequence the world could be on the brink of destruction and I wouldn't notice.

"Drive Me Crazy" - Vinny Chase before he was Vinny Chase, and a storyline full of holes that I've always wanted to re-write to correct. Yet some sort of undeniable charm that makes me love it. Maybe it's the REO Speedwagon sing-a-long scene.

"Clue" - Easy to understand because I can play the whole movie back in my head, so it's never hard to pick up wherever it is. Tim Curry is absolutely brilliant throughout and the cast is like a venerable all-star team yet it never seems to get the recognition it deserves.

And there are probably a few more that I can't think of off the top of my head, but next time I flip channels and see them I'll be stuck on them 'til the end.

I think the universe is telling me something

I just did the ol' "Bob Tallman is" search on Google and after getting past the first page (it's all related to the famous rodeo announcer/actor/steak seasoning peddler) I came across a directory listing on LinkedIn. I decided to see what other me's are up to so I clicked it.

There are 12 Rob/Robert/Bob Tallman's on the results page.
1 is me
1 guy is my dad
2 guys work in pharmaceuticals
3 listings seem to be for the same guy
and 5 guys work in NY (does not count the 3 listings for the same guy, he's in D.C.)

Granted, the advice I got from my last employer was to stay away from statistical analysis, but if you look at the numbers, take out the 2 possible duplicate listings that's 10 Bob Tallmans and 5 of them work in NY. That's 50% of them...us....me.

Sure I'm ignoring all sorts of things like a tiny sample size, selection bias for who would be on LinkedIn, blah blah but I'm taking this at face value and converting it to suit my purposes.

Bob Tallman = New York

And that works for me. If you're going to make a name in advertising, where better to do it? (rhetorical)

Okay, this is a problem

Part of losing your job is losing your health insurance, obvious. Not a big deal, my benefits lasted until the end of April and after getting accepted to school I got information on affordable student plans since COBRA is so expensive it's laughable. Anyway, the brochure that came with my acceptance packet outlined a bunch of cheap plans and while I was looking over which ones may work best for me I stumbled across a footnote/requirement which basically said "no plan for you" because of my Crohns. Eh, okay not a big deal because these were cheap plans geared towards students, from some company I've never heard of, that really doesn't cover more than skinned knees and cold pills.

So after that I went to the website the school suggested (if you weren't satisfied with the plans in the packet) and looked into some plans from bigger companies. I eventually decided on a PPO plan from Anthem Blue Cross, which was about 1/3 of the price of the COBRA per month, and applied. I got some updates on my application status and it just kept saying that an underwriter was looking it over. I figured the guy was on vacation or something since it was taking so long and all he had to do was hit "Yes".

I mean, it's really that simple. I was diagnosed with Crohn's just about 10 years ago. Since then, counting the time of my original diagnosis I've had 2 flare-ups. I typically see a doctor every 3 - 9 months, mostly for prescription refills and updated blood tests. No surgeries, no crazy procedures, and I haven't even needed Remicade or any other sort of IV treatment for something like 4 years. I think it'd be fair to say that most of the time, I've got this under control.

My application was declined, rejected even.

My mom is going to freak. I'm not going to say she's overprotective or overbearing, I know she's just a concerned parent and cares about me. But she's a little much to deal with when it comes to my condition. Factor in that I'm 3,000 miles away and you can see why I'm not looking forward to telling her.

Me: "Hi Mom. Good news, I'm feeling great." (or Great news, I'm feeling good)
My mom: "That's good, I'm so glad to hear that. So did you find out about health insurance for school?"
Me: "Sure did mom! My application got declined. And the bad news is, 'Crohn's disease' means the same as 'Bubonic Plague' to insurance companies and no one will give me coverage. The good news is, I suddenly have an opinion on health care reform!"
My mom: Any one of the following reactions, or a combination of all 3
1) faint/hyperventilate
2) panic and start wondering out loud frantically "what are we going to do?, what are we going to do?"
3) yell at me for losing my job

Honestly, I'd prefer #3 because then at least she's yelling at me instead of worry about me. But even if she did yell at me or start a fight I know that right afterwards she'd go into mom-mode and start worrying and that's the worst feeling. And this close to Mother's day, oye, what a great gift. Here you go mom, aggita.

Fortunately Crohn's people are a pretty eager to help bunch and I've got some leads on cheap prescription methods and stuff. Lots of people said that their doctor was good about hooking them up, which makes me wish I was in NY because my doc there was a great guy who I'm sure would be able to figure something out.

Unfortunately, I've seen just as many posts from people who said they don't/didn't have insurance for long periods of time (because no one will give us any) and were just fortunate not to get "sick". There's zero chance of my mom going for that and even though I'm 26 and can make my own decisions, I'm not putting my mom in a state of perpetual panic over my health (when I'm already healthy).

Besides, let's be serious, me be okay off of medication for the 2 years in between jobs while I attend school? It ain't me, I ain't no fortunate son.

So I need to do something. I wonder if David Garrard knows what to do. Although I bet he's covered by the NFL's insurance plan. Man, I've got a lot of stuff to read over.

See ya when I see ya

The weekend before I "finished up" at Google, I drafted a goodbye email to friends, co-workers, work crushes and just about everyone else. From what I had seen from other people who left, this seemed like the norm but of course I had to add my own touch.

I've developed/evolved/something that sounds less glory hogging a style of writing, that uses no original wording or phrasing, just combinations of song lyrics, and used that to tell my story of what was happening and say goodbye. I wanted to explain how I had found myself in the current situation, let everyone know that I was relatively at peace with what was happening and not to worry because I'd be okay. I think it did just that, but you can judge for yourself.

Here are my parting words to Google:

Mama, take this badge off of me, I can't use it anymore...Goodbye everybody, I've got to go, got to leave you all behind...Don't you take it so hard now, and please don't take it so bad, I'll still be thinking of you and the times we had...You can look for answers but that ain't fun...Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da, life goes on...Don't stop, believing...And, always look on the bright side of life...Every silver lining's got a touch of grey, I will get by, I will get by...You think I'd lay down and die, oh no not I, I will survive...I get by with a little help from my friends...

I tell ya folks, it's harder than it looks...You can't always get what you want...In the end, it doesn't even matter...Late night, come home, work sucks, I know...So what, I'm still a rockstar...I feel fine, doesn't really matter now cause I'm alright...I know I can, be what I want to be...You may say that I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one…Yeah it's amazing, when the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright...

Put to rest, what you thought of me....I am whatever you say I am...Never been a faker, doing things my own way...Here I go again on my own...I've got one thing I got to do, I've got to ramble on...No need to search the world go-round, 'cause you know where I'll be found...We'll be out there having fun in the warm California sun...If I don't see you no more in this world, I'll meet you in the next one...And I need you to remember one thing (one thing)...I did it my way...

Side note: If you can name all of the songs used, you're awesome. If you can name all of the songs and are a single female, call me.

Disappointment: Origins

I saw X-Men Origins: Wolverine today, bet you can guess me feelings about it. Remember how you felt after Batman Begins? That sort of feeling of exhilaration like you had just gotten off a rollercoaster that flipped you, dipped you and sent you racing faster that you thought was possible? Remember how you couldn't wait to see it again or for the sequel? How your first words comments were "wow"?

Spoiler alert - X-Men Origins: Wolverine has none of that.

They took the potentially the most badass character in the history of American literature (oh yeah English majors, throw up your arms and scream about that) and give him the same generic, cliched storyline you'd expect from a Vin Diesel movie. In fact, I think you could overly the plot of a Vin Diesel movie over this - "A Man Apart" or Generic Action Flick #62, as I called it in my review back in college.

In addition to that, they gave Wolverine the "Major League 2" treatment - hey kids, the world is nice and sunny, nothing bad happens, there's no blood and you shouldn't lose your temper. After taking out a helicopter and 2 armored vehicles Wolverine has a guy he's never liked right where he wants him. Does he go into his patented berserker rage and just obliterate him? No. He walks away and uses a cliche gas trail explosion trail to give us a MichaelBaysplosion (Robot Chicken reference), so the cameras can get a nice shot of Hugh Jackman walking forward with a huge wall of flames behind him.

It's frustrating honestly to see such a great and beloved character be disrespected. And to add inslut to injury, there's a mini Cyclops storyline weaved into the end.

Gambit was finally in a movie. Still can't decide what I thought of how they used him. Accent wasn't that good, and he didn't particularly top out on the old charisma meter either. The fact that he never had a scene where he was even talking to a girl is a big oversight by the writers and would make any casual viewer of the movie think that he's nothing more than "the guy with the cards". Congratulations, you've managed to take the 2 coolest X-Men and make them appear lame.

It's not Hugh Jackman's fault, he did a great job with the steamy turd script he got. Perhaps the writers could have focused more on originality and left out some of the pages that started with "[Jackman] stands in (insert generic scene description) with shirt off, thinking/showing off body". Just a thought.

Rating - 2 out of 5 stars
Cons - could have downloaded it and been disappointed for free, Cyclops, generic and cliche, tame
Pros - Terminator Salvation looks badass, acknowledgment that Gambit exists, Hugh Jackman

Up All Night, Sleep All Day

There's a good chance you don't remember this 80s gem from the band Slaughter and honestly until tonight I hadn't really given it much thought either. However, when I look around at 1:30 in the morning and realize that I'm back in an empty apartment after spending an evening out with friends at a pretty cool bar (classic dive with free nuts) I can't help but think that this optimizes how we (myself and the WC crew) spent our summers. We'd close down bars, in our town, in your town, in some town we'd never heard of before, hit up one of our fantastic 24 hour dinners (usually Mohegan) sleep in and do it all over again the next night.

I miss that. Out here there aren't a plethora of dinners, and there are very few places open past midnight. But I guess the biggest difference is the feeling. Out here, I'm alone, I don't know what's what or how things function. Back home, sure it's cocky to say, but we had a good handle on the scene. We knew where to go, which places were best and we were quasi celebrities wherever we went. Even in NYC, we could show up at a bar and feel like we were the kings of the place. Each one of us had spent our formative years with at least 2 others in the group, and we're as close as family. Out here, it's so different. I'm lost, confused, unsure of myself and at home before the bars close.

I'm not really sure where this is going, I suppose all I mean to say is that tonight I realized "I just miss my friend(s)" (Shawshank Redemption). Can't wait to see you all again in Vegas and hope you guys know I much I miss you.

I'd almost give up greasy burgers

but Arby's is fairly disgusting. So I'll just use a napkin.



But you've got to love the use of Warrant in a commercial.

A great tribute

From the tribute event - Come Together: A Night for John Lennon's Words and Music.

Searching for Mr. Wright

Tonight, I did what I previously thought was the unthinkable. I just got so tired of him dragging me down, and I knew that I had to make a change.

I benched David Wright in my ESPN Fantasy Baseball League.

All of the strikeouts, the 1 home run, the lack of RBI production - I need more. I know he's trying to make me happy, making small gestures like stealing a base when he eventually gets on, but while I appreciate them, it's not enough.

Last week I was in 4th place making a strong push towards 3rd thanks to a string of three or four days with double digit run and rbi numbers and a daily batting average over .300. But now, tomorrow morning I'll find myself in 8th, rbi and average numbers way down.

It's all happened so fast, but I had to make a decision before things got worse. Don't get me wrong, it was a tough decision. Playing in Citizen's Bank Sandbox in Philidelphia against Chan-Ho Park? Last year that kind of matchup would have me giddy with excitement at the propsect of a 3 for 4 2R, 2RBI line. Now I fear an 0-3 2K night. It's the hardest job a fantasy manager has to do, take personal feelings out of the equation and do what's best for the ball club.

But you know how men are, as soon as you make your decision to move on they suddenly call, or do something sweet like go 2-3 with a 3 run homer in a crucial part of the game just to make you think about them all over again. I'll admit, I do hope that somewhere down the line he can be in my lineup again, but I just think that right now, I'm not ready.