God Save the Queen, because I won't

Just about a month after posting this the word has finally come in...

I'M GOING TO LONDON next quarter! Yup, going to be working and studying at Iris in London. I found out last Tuesday so this is almost a week in the making (so you can guess what my schedule has been like since I found out) but all of that hard work for my Door site has paid off.

And to top it off, I'm going with a group of three very talented, easy to get along with friends from Miami Ad San Francisco. I'm really looking forward to it, or at least, I'm subdued-ly looking forward to it right now. I'll go full on crazy excited once I get my moving back to NY situation figured out.

Still though, pretty friggin pumped. So coming this summer, it'll be my blog - live from the U.K.!

Food Review - Hot Dogs: AT&T Park

You sort of know going in what to expect - a hot dog at a baseball game is going to cost you. A lot. However, growing up in NY and being a frequent visitor to both Yankee and Shea Stadiums (and now "New Yankee Stadium" and Citi Field) it was at least tolerable because you were getting a good dog. At all four of parks you can/could get a footlong hot dog (for something like $7.50) so even though you were paying an arm and a leg, at least you had enough food to last you a full inning. Or 2 batters if Oliver Perez was pitching.

Cut to AT&T Park, home of the San Francisco Giants. A regular sized hot dog is around $4.50, and it's small. And every time I've ordered one, the person behind the counter has literally bent down, opened some sort of warming try (or hot box as I've heard things referred to on Food Network) and handed me a foil wrapped, thing. Again, comparing it to NY, you can look over the cashiers shoulder and see the hot dogs quietly rolling along their cooker thing, watch as said cashier goes over to it and plucks a dog for you, and serves it in a little try, exposed so you can actually see it. (The footlongs do come in a box, but you can watch them put it in the box). There's nothing like that at AT&T Park for the regular hot dogs. They've been heated hours ago, wrapped in foil and shoved into some secret compartment. Appetizing.
So on my last trip to the ballpark I opted to try one of the smaller stands that also sells bratwurst. There, they had a "jumbo dog" for $7.25 and it was grilled, on a flat iron grill, in front of you. More expensive but seemed like it'd be worth it because at least I knew it was cooked to order and would have that delicious slight black sear that dogs get. Unfortunately the grilling only improved the taste slightly. Thus meaning that the real problem is with the hot dog they're using - a local vendor called Alpine Meats. I don't know what the deal is, if it's organic or trans-fat free or made from the ground up remains of dead hippies, but it tastes too much like a tube of bologna and sits with you for hours upon hours after consumption. (YMMV since you probably don't have Crohn's Disease like I do).

Anyway, it's bad enough to make me hate myself after eating one, every time (hey, I'm an all-American boy, so I've got to eat a hot dog at a baseball game) and wish I was back in NY. The one redeeming quality though, is that it looks hilarious if photographed in the proper position.

Food Review - Hot Dogs: The Dogfather

It's only fitting that I review this place first because it may have actually inspired this whole idea. Prior to the opening of the Dogfather (which is on my block) I had only known of a single hot dog purveyor (Zogs Dogs, which will be reviewed later) and was quite content with giving them 100% of my non-at-home hot dog purchases. So the Dogfather opened (I live in Little Italy, so you can figure how they got the name) and it was obvious that I had to give them a shot. Here's how it goes down.

The Dogfather is open late nights (next to Golden Boys pizza, a North Beach staple - despite the fact that they only serve Sicilian, or "sheet" pizza to the non-Itlos) and hopes to attract part of the stumbling home drunk crowd. I visited there for lunch one afternoon before having to go to class. The inside is really cool - flat screen TV in the corner, comfortable tables and of course the whole reason I said it's cool in the first place: table top Pac-Man machines. Two of them. Badass. Of course, you can dress up a shit sandwich with the finest trimming but in the end you're still eating shit. On to the food.

I ordered a foot long with bacon (I'll give San Francisco credit, every hot dog seller has the add bacon option), and a side of fries. I took it home eagerly anticipating what may be.

Overall, it was alright - good, not great. The bacon was the same fairly narrow strips you'd find topped on a Jr. Cheeseburger at Wendy's. You know the bacon I'm talking about, narrower than any strips you'll find at the supermarket, looks crispy but is strangely flaccid. The dog itself wasn't bad. I remember looking at it though and disbelieving that it was really a foot long. I've had plenty of foot longs in my life - most of the time at Yankee and Mets games. Those are Nathans footlongs. They're not that thick but you know it's 12 inches long. (That's what she said).
Anyway, the Dogfather footlong, whether it really was or not, was thicker, so I didn't really mind although it did seem off to me. The taste wasn't bad. It had a slight snap to it but in the end it wasn't any more delicious than the hot dogs you'll find at AT&T Park (also to be reviewed later). The fries though, were very good. Crisp, golden and delicious. But since this isn't about the fries, it's not really enough to make the Dogfather any more worth-while.

An additional side note. While this doesn't pertain to me, since I eat my dogs with only ketchup (some call it 'sacrilege' I call it being a 'purist'), according to early Yelp reviewers, the Dogfather was charging extra for "toppings" like sauerkraut, onions and relish. That's just a violation of cardinal hot dog rules. Those things are free. Ask any street vendor in NY and they'll tell you the same thing. That's part of the hot dog. I just choose not to add them. I understand charging for real extras, like my bacon, but 'kraut, onions and relish are fundamental staples. It'd be like charging for ketchup or mustard. I'm hoping they've since changed their policy because that just kills your legitimacy immediately.

The other problem I have, and this is just the way shit is in California, is that it's not just "the Dogfather" it's "the Dogfather, next line: salciceria". Seriously now? You're selling hot dogs (yes, I understand you have "gourmet" sausages as well) and trying to target the drunk, coming home from bars crowd. Salciceria is about as pretentious (cocksuker) as you can get.

Decent enough hot dog, but not for the price (meal came to around $11). Really only worth coming back to have an order of fries while playing Pac-man.

I like food, but I'm not a foodie

Yes, that was a reference to modern music. After hearing it in a Nike commercial I pretty much have the Killers in my head non-stop. Fortunately, I liked them a bit before.

A "foodie" is a term that pretentious cocksuckers* who like to eat dub themselves so that people will take their opinions (on sites like Yelp) more seriously when they spout off about what they like and don't like about food, as if they have the world's most educated palette. Don't get me wrong, I like the idea of Yelp, being able to see what places to eat people generally like. But look at the comments section, at least in San Francisco, and the majority of people are talking out of their ass. To prove my point, look up just about any pizzeria in San Francisco (not including Tonys - that'll be covered later) and see what the reviewers say. Most of them are people who have never eaten a real slice of pizza in their lives (that means, having a slice in NY). They don't realize the importance of the sauce to cheese ratio, the importance of NY water or that avocado is not an acceptable topping.

So Yelp is as helpful as walking past a place a seeing a line out the door, a good number of people like this place. Whether it's because the food's cheap, the better place across the street just burned down, or because they just don't know any better you can't tell, but it's possibly worth a try.

So what am I doing and why am I doing it?

Well, my time here in San Francisco is getting shorter by the day and as I get ready to head back East I want to make sure I leave having done what I wanted to do. Part of that includes sights and activities and part of it includes having tried "the best" San Francisco has to offer of my favorite foods.

Here are the dishes I plan on searching for the "best" of:

- Hot Dogs
- Burgers
- Pizza (a dubious task but someone's got to be the tallest pygmy)
- Bagels/breakfast bagel sandwiches
- Fried Calamari

In addition to my "bests" quests, I'm trying a plethora of other things which I plan on reviewing, such as:

- Dim Sum
- An East Coast style Jewish Deli (Oye gutanoh <-probably spelled wrong)
- Ice Cream (note: as ice cream can seriously put a hurting on my body, this may not happen or I may die trying)
- Misc. (just other things that are around that look like they may not kill me)

Anyone who knows me pretty well will look at this list and nod that this is who I am. I'm not a foie gras or hummus kind of guy.

No promises as to how frequently I'll post updates. I'm shooting to take down 2-3 places a week and have already been to several places - so I'm my own backlog. Anyway, stick around, tune in, should be entertaining.

*That's something I picked up from the late George Carlin - the term "pretentious" should always be followed by "cocksucker". It's like the u after the q.


As a bonus, here's the Killer's video.

Heavy Rain - Hero

Today I finished my first playthrough of "Heavy Rain" the interactive movie experience for the PS3. I'm going to shy away from calling it a game because, well it's really not. There's no game designed control scheme, the action is pre-determined with a series of button presses and controller motions putting you through what boils down to a game of Simon to determine if you "pass" or "fail" the sequence.

Now don't get me wrong, because I loved the experience. I had been waiting for this game since I had first gotten a glimpse of it and heard the concept at last year's E3 - thanks again to G4 for their live coverage. Anyway, the story is what makes this a worthwhile experience. For the "game type" a mystery is perfect. Your cast of characters are everymen (and an everywoman), not superheros, government trained killers or anything like that. No super moves, special attacks or anything other than thinking, and the occasional quick reflex. For me this was a refreshing concept.

As for the critiques, yeah it starts off a little slow in chapters that are basically tutorials design to get you immersed in the world of the game and familiar with how the controls work. But seriously, it's not much fun to take a shower, brush your teeth and get dressed. If you can just accept this opening slow moving part of the ride (like the ascent up the first hill on a rollercoaster) you'll be okay. Next, some of the button movements you need to execute are a pain. In particular the shake the controller up and down. I failed that in just about every situation it was required. Sometimes you have to do it for a while and somehow I'd go to fast or something, and then during your standard quicktime event, somehow I wouldn't do it correctly there either. I don't know, it got frustrating at the end of the "experience" and required more than a few re-loads (since I was going for the best ending on this playthrough). Finally, and this is a complaint I'm borrowing from one of my favorite game critiques (Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw - star of "Zero Punctuation" on theescapist.com ) - while throughout the game your actions change dialogue, how characters interact with each other, and what endings you'll receive upon completion - the killer is always the same. Sort of lame and it zaps away motivation for playing through again. Why exactly would I when I already know who the killer is? I suppose the developers were hoping on trophies and seeing the different endings to be the motivation, but it's sort of a weak one.

So those are my few minor complaints about Heavy Rain, but overall it was definitely enjoyable, a bit hard to watch at one point (if you play it, you'll know what I mean), and an interesting and unique experience. Well worth the price of admission for this show.