Rockstars don't do paperwork

Everyone hates corporate speak - those ridiculous phrases that lamely attempt to connect the corporate working world to the outside world that people love. "Thinking outside the box", "low hanging fruit", "action items", etc. During my time at the Goog (Google) I was exposed to tons of it, and at least according to a recent poll of most anger creating corp speak terms, I was bombarded with the next generation of asinine phrases that haven't even hit the mainstream working world yet. Just wait until you're sitting in a meeting and someone wants you to "parking lot" your idea, or someone else wants to "piggyback" on it.

Despite holding in laughter upon hearing the majority of these phrases, there was one, I don't even think it's a full on corporate speak term yet, that drove me nuts - referring to an employee who did a good job as a "rockstar". It was infuriating. What happened to the lame corporate/sports metaphors, saying they "really knocked it out of the park?". Sure it was lame but at least it fit. A Rockstar? Seriously?


If you have a job where you are expected to show up daily - you're not a rockstar.

If you have a job where someone tells you what to do, and you have to listen - you're not a rockstar.

If you have to worry about sexual harrassment - you're definitely not a rockstar.

It just doesn't fit. I understand that they want employees to feel good about themselves, and think that comparing them to a desireable occupation is motivation, but it's a big lie. You sit in a cubicle, you do paper work. Even at Google, you're just about the furthest thing from a rockstar - no offense to everyone still there, but c'mon, working 9-11 hour days is not rock, even if you can wear t-shirts and shorts to work.

Rockstars bite heads off of birds, sympathize with the devil, have legendary stories involving groupies and a baby shark, blow up their drums and set their guitars on fire. They walk around with attitude, and do what they want. They don't work through lunch, analyze data or write helpful guides on how to better understand their music. They have someone else do that for them.

I think my main source of anger from this whole thing comes from this simple fact - they (managers, suits, etc.) don't want rockstars, so don't lie about it. They want non-threatening, non-disruptive, intelligent, wokers who they can to some degree control. It's not a bad thing to be one of those, but it can't be equated to a rockstar. So just drop the facade and be honest - those are the people you want.

That said, there are some occupations that could be close enough for me to tolerate the comparison - they'd be in creative fields, because that's what rock is, and that means that's where I belong.

"Rock got no reason, rock got no rhyme, just get me to school on time".




These guys didn't sit in cubicles.

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Listening to: AC/DC - For Those About To Rock (We Salute You)
via FoxyTunes