An Open Letter to Eliza Dushku

(Originally written January 2006)

Dear Ms. Dushku,

I just wanted to congratulate you on a wonderful performance last Saturday night in Dog Sees God: Confessions of a Teenage Blockhead, I thoroughly enjoyed the show. Your portrayal of a grown up Lucy from the Peanuts gang was dead on. Personally, I believe that there is no one better in the world equipped to play the part than the badass bitch from Buffy, Faith. I want you to know that I wish you the best and hope that the show continues to be a giant success. I want you to be happy and that's what makes this so hard....

We've had some great times together you and I all the way back to when we first met (True Lies). There have been laughs (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back) and there have been tears (Tru Calling - don't worry, I blame the writers). You've gotten me through some challenging points in my life (Bye Bye Love) and always known how to cheer me up (Bring It On).

Saturday night I realized something. As I was standing on the sidewalk outside the theater, no more than 5 feet away from you after the show, my friends incessantly telling me I should go over and talk to you, you looking beautiful shining under the lights of New York City, I realized something.

Darling, it’s not you – it’s me.

It’s my own precept, my own single-mindedness that would force me into a transgression. You cannot help being a Red Sox fan, you were born in Boston, it’s who you are and it’s who I want you to be. This is for the best - for both of us. We’ll always have New York.

Arrivederci il tesoro, può voi dare dei calci sempre all'asino con la tolleranza e la bellezza.

Il vostro amore,

~Robert

(When I originally wrote this post I used Babel Fish to translate something really sweet and romantic into Italian. Now, if you use anything to translate it back to English it's a bunch of nonsense. I wish I could remember what it was supposed to say. All I remember is that it was good, like one tear slowly rolling down the cheek good.)