Calling out Mercedes Benz

Mercedes Benz has been running an ad that positively infuriates me. It's a bunch of pretentious bastards (i.e. Mercedes' target audience) talking about how they were almost in an accident, but their car did the work for them and saved their sorry ass.

Here's the thing - A MERCEDES IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR KNOWING HOW TO DRIVE "YOU STUPID GOD-DAMN DUMB SHIT MOTHERFUCKER" Bad Habit by The Offspring

Sure, maybe I'm over-reacting a tad and just looking for an excuse to spew venom at the self-important upper class for their lame attempt to relate to the layman's concern of "how safe is my car" with some ridiculous spot that comes across as "Hey, it's okay if you're a shitty driver. As long as you can afford a Mercedes."

Anyway, when anger and creativity meet you get something like this re-cut spot that I put together.

Miller Lite, the bitches beer

After another week of watching football I really need to rant and get this off my chest.

Miller Lite's ads just piss me off. And here's why:

The whole premise is a bunch of attractive female bartenders emasculating guys who order a generic light beer instead of Miller Lite.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of attractive bitchy girls - when they're clever. These commercials aren't clever, or funny and the girls are just offensively rude and oh yeah...

IT'S FUCKING MILLER LITE!
Which no one with a college degree should be drinking anyway.

Wait, a guy has the balls to not care about your "Vortex Bottle"? How dare he, we must insult his manhood.
Do you know how useless this so-called revolutionary bottle is? Incredibly useless. Here's proof:
The German's don't do it, the Czech's don't do it, the Irish don't do it, the Brits don't do it. No self-respecting, beer-loving country puts their beverage in a bottle with a wind tunnel in it except for our gimmick loving, quality blind one. Even the over priced crappy beers (Corona, Heineken, etc.) don't try that crap.

Oh no, a guy dares order a non-Miller Lite beer because he believes they all taste the same!
Quick, cut him off at the nuts. Get a girl in a tight shirt to tell him he's not a man. Perhaps he's not, but it's because he's drinking a light beer in general, so a Miller Lite won't help him grow nuts. (I'll probably expand further in a rant on 'low calorie' beer ads. Spoiler: if you don't want calories - drink water).

I can respect that 2 of the commercials dish out the insults to obvious douche guys - the guy wearing sunglasses at the bar and the obviously clad in Ed Hardy guy. But that's not the point of the ad to make fun of the Axe Body Spray crowd. Other versions seek to make fun of other guys for no other reason than because they have working taste buds and ordered something other than a Miller Lite.

As if I needed another reason to be pissed, there's this ad. Now, I'm fine with making fun of a guy for carrying a man-purse/European carry-all, but it was funnier the first time I saw it, in this ad. And Flo didn't have to be a bitch about it.

So fuck you Miller Lite and you're offensive and offensively shitty (to anyone in the advertising industry) commercials. I like bitchy girls, but you couldn't find one to make me drink your piss water.

Side Note: Wendy's don't think that I didn't notice you taking the same approach with your "2 things" commercial. You've been warned, knock that crap off.

My hero - the gimp

Despite a hospital visit last Christmas time, reuniting with my doctor in New York before flying over to London and some new medicines, I still haven't been healthy in over a year. Really healthy, like the way you expect to feel on an average day.

It starts to weigh on you after a while. Maybe you start thinking about giving in and resigning yourself to the new status quo. You can start to feel sorry for yourself, no matter how against your nature it may be or how you despise people who post stupid "FML" status messages on the internet like their lives are all that bad. You wind up holding on to your physical and mental state by a thread. You find yourself needing some semblance of hope, or motivation to keep going after all this time.
And then you see a guy hobbling down the street. A gimp, for the un-pc crowd of which I associate, or a "poor soul" as my mom would immediately refer to them. On your first look your immediate emotional response is something like pitty, although you won't admit it. You watch as a veritable dead-leg is half dragged and half flung in front in order to poorly simulate the walking motion you yourself have no issues performing.

Then I took a second to process what I saw.

It's about 8:30 in the morning.This man is wearing a nice suit. Not gaudy, nor pauperish. It's contemporary, stylish and fits him well.
His shoes aren't dull. They're well maintained.
He's got his laptop/messenger back slung over his shoulder, like me and everyone else.

He's on his way to work. He's not feeling sorry for himself or asking anyone for a hand. He walks funny, he knows it, so he leaves early knowing he needs more time to get to the train.
He's got his headphones on and is listening to whatever music makes him happy.
He lives his life, given the hand he's been dealt.
Despite the professional appearance, the nice clothes and the calm demeanor this guy has his middle finger to the sky telling the universe that it can go fuck itself because it's not going to stop him.

He's gangsta
And he's my hero.

Country Roads: Part 1a - Oh you're leaving? Not so fast.

So here we go, I'm finally going to do it. Woke up bright and early, walked up to Fisherman's Warf for the last time and went the McDonald's there, for the first time, to get my favorite breakfast, (2 sausage biscuits and a med. O.J.) Then went back to my apartment to pack the last of my bags into the car, put out a "Box O' Free" full of stuff I couldn't fit in the car and still had enough value that it'd be a shame to throw it out, and made a horrifying discovery...

The guy set to sublet my room backed out!

Yeah, so that was a shocker, although I honestly can't really blame him for panicking after I had to say, "no, please don't send the check and finalize the agreement we made because one of my roommates suddenly realized that he knows a friend of a friend of a friend of someone's dead aunt that may need a room, and it'd be much more preferable to live with someone they sorta knew but not really. So the kid bailed thinking he wouldn't get the room, and I'm fucked for a few thousand dollars. Roommate not really taking responsibility for financially fucking me over because "next time don't tell him it's a friend, just say it's another respondent so they don't panic."

Great advice. Here's some for you. 3 days before I'm set to drive cross country and just found someone to replace the last guy who bailed on taking my room, take your preferences and shove them unless you plan on financially covering me in case this shit happens.

Fortunately (sort of), the roommate I knew the least is a stand up guy and has put the room back on Craigslist and is trying to help me get it sublet so I can recoup/salvage some of the money I lost because of the blown deal.

Hey, now if that's not the way to start a week long, 4 thousand mile trip, what is?

Food Review - Hot Dogs: AT&T Park

You sort of know going in what to expect - a hot dog at a baseball game is going to cost you. A lot. However, growing up in NY and being a frequent visitor to both Yankee and Shea Stadiums (and now "New Yankee Stadium" and Citi Field) it was at least tolerable because you were getting a good dog. At all four of parks you can/could get a footlong hot dog (for something like $7.50) so even though you were paying an arm and a leg, at least you had enough food to last you a full inning. Or 2 batters if Oliver Perez was pitching.

Cut to AT&T Park, home of the San Francisco Giants. A regular sized hot dog is around $4.50, and it's small. And every time I've ordered one, the person behind the counter has literally bent down, opened some sort of warming try (or hot box as I've heard things referred to on Food Network) and handed me a foil wrapped, thing. Again, comparing it to NY, you can look over the cashiers shoulder and see the hot dogs quietly rolling along their cooker thing, watch as said cashier goes over to it and plucks a dog for you, and serves it in a little try, exposed so you can actually see it. (The footlongs do come in a box, but you can watch them put it in the box). There's nothing like that at AT&T Park for the regular hot dogs. They've been heated hours ago, wrapped in foil and shoved into some secret compartment. Appetizing.
So on my last trip to the ballpark I opted to try one of the smaller stands that also sells bratwurst. There, they had a "jumbo dog" for $7.25 and it was grilled, on a flat iron grill, in front of you. More expensive but seemed like it'd be worth it because at least I knew it was cooked to order and would have that delicious slight black sear that dogs get. Unfortunately the grilling only improved the taste slightly. Thus meaning that the real problem is with the hot dog they're using - a local vendor called Alpine Meats. I don't know what the deal is, if it's organic or trans-fat free or made from the ground up remains of dead hippies, but it tastes too much like a tube of bologna and sits with you for hours upon hours after consumption. (YMMV since you probably don't have Crohn's Disease like I do).

Anyway, it's bad enough to make me hate myself after eating one, every time (hey, I'm an all-American boy, so I've got to eat a hot dog at a baseball game) and wish I was back in NY. The one redeeming quality though, is that it looks hilarious if photographed in the proper position.

Food Review - Hot Dogs: The Dogfather

It's only fitting that I review this place first because it may have actually inspired this whole idea. Prior to the opening of the Dogfather (which is on my block) I had only known of a single hot dog purveyor (Zogs Dogs, which will be reviewed later) and was quite content with giving them 100% of my non-at-home hot dog purchases. So the Dogfather opened (I live in Little Italy, so you can figure how they got the name) and it was obvious that I had to give them a shot. Here's how it goes down.

The Dogfather is open late nights (next to Golden Boys pizza, a North Beach staple - despite the fact that they only serve Sicilian, or "sheet" pizza to the non-Itlos) and hopes to attract part of the stumbling home drunk crowd. I visited there for lunch one afternoon before having to go to class. The inside is really cool - flat screen TV in the corner, comfortable tables and of course the whole reason I said it's cool in the first place: table top Pac-Man machines. Two of them. Badass. Of course, you can dress up a shit sandwich with the finest trimming but in the end you're still eating shit. On to the food.

I ordered a foot long with bacon (I'll give San Francisco credit, every hot dog seller has the add bacon option), and a side of fries. I took it home eagerly anticipating what may be.

Overall, it was alright - good, not great. The bacon was the same fairly narrow strips you'd find topped on a Jr. Cheeseburger at Wendy's. You know the bacon I'm talking about, narrower than any strips you'll find at the supermarket, looks crispy but is strangely flaccid. The dog itself wasn't bad. I remember looking at it though and disbelieving that it was really a foot long. I've had plenty of foot longs in my life - most of the time at Yankee and Mets games. Those are Nathans footlongs. They're not that thick but you know it's 12 inches long. (That's what she said).
Anyway, the Dogfather footlong, whether it really was or not, was thicker, so I didn't really mind although it did seem off to me. The taste wasn't bad. It had a slight snap to it but in the end it wasn't any more delicious than the hot dogs you'll find at AT&T Park (also to be reviewed later). The fries though, were very good. Crisp, golden and delicious. But since this isn't about the fries, it's not really enough to make the Dogfather any more worth-while.

An additional side note. While this doesn't pertain to me, since I eat my dogs with only ketchup (some call it 'sacrilege' I call it being a 'purist'), according to early Yelp reviewers, the Dogfather was charging extra for "toppings" like sauerkraut, onions and relish. That's just a violation of cardinal hot dog rules. Those things are free. Ask any street vendor in NY and they'll tell you the same thing. That's part of the hot dog. I just choose not to add them. I understand charging for real extras, like my bacon, but 'kraut, onions and relish are fundamental staples. It'd be like charging for ketchup or mustard. I'm hoping they've since changed their policy because that just kills your legitimacy immediately.

The other problem I have, and this is just the way shit is in California, is that it's not just "the Dogfather" it's "the Dogfather, next line: salciceria". Seriously now? You're selling hot dogs (yes, I understand you have "gourmet" sausages as well) and trying to target the drunk, coming home from bars crowd. Salciceria is about as pretentious (cocksuker) as you can get.

Decent enough hot dog, but not for the price (meal came to around $11). Really only worth coming back to have an order of fries while playing Pac-man.

I like food, but I'm not a foodie

Yes, that was a reference to modern music. After hearing it in a Nike commercial I pretty much have the Killers in my head non-stop. Fortunately, I liked them a bit before.

A "foodie" is a term that pretentious cocksuckers* who like to eat dub themselves so that people will take their opinions (on sites like Yelp) more seriously when they spout off about what they like and don't like about food, as if they have the world's most educated palette. Don't get me wrong, I like the idea of Yelp, being able to see what places to eat people generally like. But look at the comments section, at least in San Francisco, and the majority of people are talking out of their ass. To prove my point, look up just about any pizzeria in San Francisco (not including Tonys - that'll be covered later) and see what the reviewers say. Most of them are people who have never eaten a real slice of pizza in their lives (that means, having a slice in NY). They don't realize the importance of the sauce to cheese ratio, the importance of NY water or that avocado is not an acceptable topping.

So Yelp is as helpful as walking past a place a seeing a line out the door, a good number of people like this place. Whether it's because the food's cheap, the better place across the street just burned down, or because they just don't know any better you can't tell, but it's possibly worth a try.

So what am I doing and why am I doing it?

Well, my time here in San Francisco is getting shorter by the day and as I get ready to head back East I want to make sure I leave having done what I wanted to do. Part of that includes sights and activities and part of it includes having tried "the best" San Francisco has to offer of my favorite foods.

Here are the dishes I plan on searching for the "best" of:

- Hot Dogs
- Burgers
- Pizza (a dubious task but someone's got to be the tallest pygmy)
- Bagels/breakfast bagel sandwiches
- Fried Calamari

In addition to my "bests" quests, I'm trying a plethora of other things which I plan on reviewing, such as:

- Dim Sum
- An East Coast style Jewish Deli (Oye gutanoh <-probably spelled wrong)
- Ice Cream (note: as ice cream can seriously put a hurting on my body, this may not happen or I may die trying)
- Misc. (just other things that are around that look like they may not kill me)

Anyone who knows me pretty well will look at this list and nod that this is who I am. I'm not a foie gras or hummus kind of guy.

No promises as to how frequently I'll post updates. I'm shooting to take down 2-3 places a week and have already been to several places - so I'm my own backlog. Anyway, stick around, tune in, should be entertaining.

*That's something I picked up from the late George Carlin - the term "pretentious" should always be followed by "cocksucker". It's like the u after the q.


As a bonus, here's the Killer's video.

GDC 2010 - Disappointment

So I went to the Game Developers Conference today, on a free Expo pass that I got from a friend at school. Thank goodness because if I had to pay $250 to get in there I probably would have rage killed and teabagged everyone in there like a 15 year old on Xbox Live. At least I would have had the common decency not to shout racist epithets while doing so.

Anyway, here's why it was a disappointment, and it's probably my own fault - incorrect expectations. This isn't like the TGS (Tokyo Game Show), CES (Consumer Electronics Show) or E3 (Electronic Entertainment Expo) - no, this is a convention for Game Developers to learn about new industry technologies, paddle their resumes around, network with other nerds and occassionaly catch a glimpse of top quality developer's masturbatory material. For an ad school student, you're really out of place, no matter how much you like games.

Want to know the highlights? There were 2: 1) Registration - you have to enter your name, company name and position which will be printed on your badge. Thanks to some genius programming those are all required fields. So being the quick thinking writer that I am, I filled them in. Bob Tallman "The Next Big Thing" Miami Ad School. Yup, that's probably my number 1 highlight. 2) Watching a couple of guys play through probably the first 2 hours of God of War III. Game looks great, the boss deaths are awesomely hilarious and fun - killing Poseidon was great.

Now don't get me wrong, it was intersting to walk around the expo floor and see a veritable whos-who of the industry: Naughty Dog (whose Uncharted 2 picked up 5 more awards), Ubisoft, Telltale Games, 38 Studios (owned by Curt Schilling and now involved with EA on a major project), Blizzard and their evil half - Activision and many more. But all of these companies were trying to recruit young developers and other talent and gain favor with them by offering small trinkets and schwag, and for me, there was nothing relevant. Oh well, it was an experience, and I did get some industry mags for free and got to see God of War III, Final Fantasy XIII (has me worried) and the Playstation Move up close.

I guess it was worth the $2 bus fare.

Undercover Boss: 7-11

While I was back home for the holidays, my mom showed me an article in the NY Daily News (or maybe the Post, forget which one she usually reads) talking about the then upcoming CBS show, Undercover Boss. She clipped the article for me because it focused on the CEO of White Castle (that episode will air this Sunday). Anyway, I may or may not have read it, but obviously due to my lack of TV service had never watched the show. I wrote it off as being nothing more than a PR outlet for the companies involved and figured that through the magic of editing it, like the rest of reality TV, would be the furthest thing from actuality.

I never had any intentions on going back on my initial reaction. Of course there was the possibility that I may watch the White Castle episode just because it'd be hilarious to see an old white guy working on Fordham Road. What's he going to say, "I'm the CEO, don't shoot"? They killed a cop outside, so I doubt the idea of not robbing and killing the millionaire in charge would be popular. It could become a great episode of CSI though.

Anyway, tangent aside, today while I was checking out Facebook updates the school, mentioned the show and the review said there were some "heart tugging" moments in the recently aired 7-11 episode. So, I tuned in, cynical as ever. Of course, I should mention, that while I thought the show was nothing more than PR and publicity for the companies participating, I do, whole-heartedly support the concept and think that, especially in this era of corporate greed that would make Gordon Gecko proud, that CEOs taking a look at how their companies affect the people who keep them running is a great practice that would lead to improvements for everyone involved. You've got to realize, that the non-jackass, money stealing CEOs of major companies are probably pretty smart (either book or street smart) individuals, who when face to face with a problem or bad policy, will recognize it and react. Okay, enough build up, on to the show.

So the CEO of 7-11, Joe DePinto is introduced. I immediately decide I like him and that he's one of "the good guys" as far as suits go. Blue collar roots in Chicago and a West Point grad who spent time in active duty. That's the middle-America values kicking in, but since I do like 7-11 I am glad to know that this is the guy in charge. It's not going to make me buy more things, but they have the new Kratos Fury flavored Slurpee to do that. So Joe goes undercover as "Danny", first at a store on Long Island that sells more coffee per day than any other 7-11. He struggles on the job but the store's owner/operator Dolores is patient and encouraging. Turns out she has 1 kidney and goes for dialysis twice a week. She won't let her kids donate because she's worried that what happened to her could happen to them when they get older and then they'd only have 1 kidney. Immediately made me think of my mom. So Dolores comes across as this noble, humble, friendly (she knew just about every customer who came into the store, greeted them buy name and made it appear to be a small mom and pop shop rather than 7-11) heroic individual. Okay obviously it was edited that way, but you can't take away that the woman is obviously NY tough. Joe goes and works at the largest bakery that 7-11 operates, in Baltimore. Here he struggles a bunch on the line, but Phil, the guy showing him the ropes keeps the atmosphere light and helpes pick up the slack. Phil is a former Marine and "Danny" shares that he has an Army background. During the "confessional" part where Joe/Danny is outside of the job speaking directly to the camera he talks about how he felt attached to Phil because of the shared military background (something I expected. If it wasn't for the possibility of getting shot, and my lack of physical condition, I have to admit I think I'd really like what it is that the military provides). Anyway, in the break room Phil shows Danny some sketches and art that he's done and used to decorate the room. They didn't show a lot on the show, but some of it was pretty cool. Before leaving, Phil draws Danny a picture of a donut to take with him to remember the experience. Okay, in the next few experiences Danny learns that the maintenance system they have implemented sort of sucks, and that an immigrant from Pakistan who works the night shift so that he can go to school during the day feels like there aren't chances for advancement working at 7-11. Not exactly thrilling stuff. But it's TV, so obviously they are going to "wow" you with the last segment, and it didn't disappoint. Igor, a delivery truck driver from Khazikstan ( I shit you not). This guy was almost a walking stereotype of the Eastern European immigrant who came to American with hope and little else. Danny asked him as they were driving, what keeps him motivated and Igor told his story. Sure, it's just about your run of the mill, "America is the greatest country; you take it for granted being born here; it's given me great opportunity and happiness", but you know what? Every now and again you need to hear these stories, to remember that they're true. That yeah, shit happens, some days suck and all that, but on the whole, it's still a great place. Again, that middle-America values, mixed with the type of pride you can only develop living on the East Coast, and it made me happy to hear Igor talk with such excitement.

So obviously the show has to have some sort of payoff - besides the fact that the CEO now knows some ways to make his company better. It's time to reveal his identity to the people he just fooled. So they're summoned to the head offices in Texas. Long story short - Phil gets a gig doing freelance designing for the marketing and advertising departments so that he can build up a portfolio. I thought that was really cool, and less "gimmicky" than a raise, a bunch of cash or whatever. Dolores had an organ donor awareness program setup in her name, company wide, to help stress the importance of organ donation and potentially help get her a new kidney. She was overjoyed and really moved by the gesture. And then there's Igor, who got a resort vacation for him and his wife so that they could finally spend time together (Igor works nights, his wife days). Again, his reaction was the thing that should make you proud to be an American - he said about the big boss coming to work with the common guy and then this reward that Igor is receiving, not in movies, not in the books, only in America. Then Joe address the head office of 7-11 tells people what he learned, new commitment to the stoers, blah blah and then an epilogue of what's happened to all of the people. Nothing really interesting except - Igor was presented with his own franchise, as the caption said, "Igor is still living the American dream...He's now his own boss."

I guess the point of this isn't really so much about the show, other than company higher ups should really look into something like this (and it's okay to do without the TV cameras) and help strengthen their companies, which will in turn help the economy and the country. But beyond that, it was one of those human interest things where you realize that there is good out there. And here's my 10 cents even though I desperately try to avoid politics - it's people like these who give America the potential to be great. It doesn't just happen, one thing they all had in common is that they work hard and believe in the good. Someone needs to get tough and remind people that it's one thing to say you're the greatest country in the world while resting on your laurels. It's another thing entirely to show it everyday, with everything you do. And as far as I'm concerned, the latter is the way this country was founded.

Viva las wifi

Last weekend I headed out to Vegas for my friends Scott and Kristen's bachelor/bachelorrette party weekend. Obviously I am under strict rules and am unable to discuss much of what happened throughout the trip, however, there are some issues that are fair game.

Namely - how the hell can Las Vegas hotels not offer free wifi? They tried to charge $15 a day, just so I could connect to the internet and get my work done. Are you shitting me? If they are willing to comp food and rooms and other ammenities to people to get them to stay and gamble, who's the genius that thought asking for $15 to get the internet in your room was a solid way to endear yourself to guests?

A jackass, that's who.

I got free wifi in my hotel room at the Red Roof Inn up in Cortlandt, New York when I went for my sister's graduation. I could set my fantasy baseball lineups and even check out porn, all for free in a like $40 a night hotel room (of course for graduation weekend they were charging $100 a night but a pig in a dress is still a pig - or Sarah Palin, I don't remember how that joke goes.)

Can't we all just agree that nowadays wifi is like air - it's all around us and anyone who tries to charge you for it is a Spaceball?

Cigarettes are cool

My mom's been smoking since she was about 12 and she's never gotten any cool merchandise like a leather jacket or even a lighter. She's never gotten lung cancer like her best friend. All my mom's ever gotten from cigarettes are a few minutes of "relaxation" per day, asthma, chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder, chronic bronchitis and an inability to breathe when the air gets cold, or she gets a cold or she gets the flu or if there's too many allergens in the air.

My sister called me from NY today to tell me that my mom's in the ICU - she couldn't breathe again. They ran some tests and she has some Type-A level flu, they had to send out the samples to find out exactly which strain but swine flu isn't out of the question at this point. She's a city school teacher after all and while not attempting to be racist, (so if you're going to call me one f off), low income, uneducated people aren't the best at hygiene. I'm not looking to point fingers in that direction, I'm just saying, there's not much we can do to insulate her from that. The fact that her immune system is already shot to hell is where my anger starts.

The last time I spoke with my sister, about 15 minutes ago (3:30am east coast time) my mom was still "laboring to breathe on her own". A five dollar phrase that just means at this point her body can't perform the simple and basic function of taking in oxygen on its own, so they've had to intubate her.

I want someone to blame, I need someone to yell at that this is happening...again. I want to yell at her, blame her for not quitting any of the times my sister and I have pleaded with her to. For not sticking with it after kicking the habit for a few weeks or a month. I want to grab her by the shoulders and shake the shit out of her and cry and scream and ask her why the hell she has to be the most stubborn person I've ever met. But she doesn't respond to that.

Of all the things I've learned in my life and possibly ever will learn, how to get through to my mom isn't one of them. We're 165 degree opposites. We can't be 180 because that would be too simple, just do the exact opposite. We're off in two separate worlds that have few intersections and their mostly trivial and superficial.

I don't know how to get her to stop and I lazily keep thinking and hoping that each successive hospital visit will do the trick. She comes back and says all the right things, like she were A-Rod, but it doesn't last. I need to get through to her because you can't go to the hospital 4-5 times a year, every year, unable to breathe. It's a numbers game, eventually it'll catch up to you, like it did for my grandmother and she took much better care of herself. She was the toughest woman we've ever known and one stupid time things didn't go right. That's all it takes.

This is one of my favorite shirts (that's not me wearing it though - I have a Coach bag). I bought it almost for the sole purpose of pissing my mom off. I told her I bought it because of her. I think I need to send her one of her own.

Seattle, Day 2

So Friday morning Mike and I woke up and needed to entertain ourselves while Matt was at work. After getting dressed we headed out to explore Seattle without a clue. I had packed my G1 holiday gift from Google last year, and figured this would be a perfect time to try out those find local things apps I had downloaded.

Before actively looking for breakfast we headed over to the famous Pike Place Market to watch some guys throw fish and just generally check it out. It was really cool and seeing all that fish made me really hungry, even at 10:30-11am. After seeing what we thought was all there was (in actuality we saw maybe 1/7th of the market) we started wandering around looking for a place interesting enough to eat. It was at this point that I decided to try out the G1 and not only get us an idea of where to eat, but also directions on how to get there. However, what I failed to take into account is that in order for it to work I needed to be connected via wi-fi, which, while not typically a problem in the silicon valley is an issue in basically every other city. So it was a two-fer: technology and holiday gift fail.

Eventually we settled on a place called Dome Burger in Seattle's Pioneer Square (the historic district). We grab a quick meal and decided to head over and check out the Space Needle, another of Seattle's famous attractions. The walk wasn't bad, especially for two kids who are fairly used to trekking around Manhattan. We walked and talked, caught up since the time difference typically prevents me from staying in constant communicado with my friends back East. At some point we must have gotten on the topic of food and I lamented, as you would expect, about the lack of pizza on the west coast. We discussed what these places meant when they referred to themselves as "New York style" and I commented that the concept was lost on me because not only do they not taste like actual New York pizza but they charge ludicrious prices per slice, sometimes upwards of $3. This caught the attention of a kid in a bowler hat close by who mentioned that he was originally from New York and shared my view. He introduced himself as "The Tramp" and pointed out his friends Blood-something or other and by that point I had completely tuned out when he named his third compadre. I was too busy wondering why his name would be "The Tramp". Your name can't start with "The". Why not be Tramp or Tommy The Tramp. That would have been more respectable. Anyway, he mentioned that he and his friends were also headed towards the Space Needle for what he described as a massive hippie fest. Oh good. Fortunately a few blocks later they split off in an off direction towards one side of the needle and Mike and I headed towards the needle proper.

After waiting in line Mike and I bought our tickets and went up to the top. Here's a few pictures I took of Seattle from the top of the Space Needle.
After taking our share of photos and learning a bit of history thanks to the interactive maps on the inside we headed down to the gift shop where I did a mitzvah. I stopped Mike from buying an over priced mug in the gift shop, not because he's getting married and shouldn't buy an over priced gift shop novelty, but because it was perhaps the uggliest mug in the history of the universe. Let me see if I can describe it. Sort of an oblong shape, and the color scheme was a bit of black but mostly over powered by a grayish green color that should give anyone a knee jerk reaction nearing projectile vomit.
Anyway the gift shop wasn't all bad. I was really excited when I saw this because a friend had recently posted a blog entry about Lego releasing sets based on famous architectural pieces and I thought that was really interesting and long overdue.
Shortly after exiting the Space Needle's gift shop we got a call from Matt that they had a keg in their office and we should swing by for a few drinks. Never one to turn down a free beer, not to mention getting a chance to check out an actual ad agency from the inside beyond what you get to see when you interview, we started making our way over.
When we got there we were created by Matt and some of his co-workers. They showed us up to the Publicis offices and pointed us towards the keg. Walking down the halls was exciting as some of the agencies was hanging on display. Additionally, they had some of the familiar perks I had at Google, namely ping pong and a pool table. Unfortunately I'm as good as I used to be at ping pong and lost two straight games to Mike. However, I did manage to make some difficult shots in pool which made me feel slightly better about my chances for one day learning how to actually play the game. After filling our cups Matt showed us his office before we adjourned to the deck to enjoy our drinks in the sun and take in their great view (seen below). Anyway that's about it for the story, the rest of the night just involved prolonged drinking at various bars throughout Seattle, which was fun, but nothing much to talk about.

Now arriving: Emerald City

A few months ago I got a call from one of my best friends back in New York, Mike, inviting me to join him up in Seattle for Memorial Day weekend. I double checked with Matt, his cousin, if he could put another body up at his apartment and after he gave the okay I booked my trip.

So this past weekend I packed up and headed to the Northwest. As part of my new "fiscally conservative" lifestyle I took a new route to the airport - walked the estimated mile (estimated by my friend Jonas, I think it's somewhat less) to the train station, took the free shuttle from the train station to the airport and checked in. One thing I will mention because it annoyed me, was that I paid the $4.50 fare for the train, which I was only riding two stops, and no one ever came around to check.

That pisses the hell out of me because you can't buy tickets on the train (like you can in NY) so it's a crap shoot. Either pay the fare and you may not have had to, or skip it and risk getting some sort of massive fine. Stupid ass California mass transit. At least in NY, even if I was only going 2 stops on Metro-North they'd have checked my ticket. Transit fail on you Cali.

Anyway, the flight wasn't much in terms of adventure, save for the guy next to me, which I already covered in a previous post (" 'Scuse me while I kiss this guy"). I did complete 3 or 4 levels in Elite Beat Agents including the "YMCA" level and one of my new favorite songs, Earth, Wind and Fire's "September". But I consider that to be a successful fight.

When I touched down I headed towards the baggage claim and ran into Mike and Matt waiting for me. Mike's flight had landed about 25-30 minutes ahead of me and he already had a Starbucks in his hand. In his defense it was his first trip to the west coast and by his internal clock it was already quarter to 1 in the morning and he had been up "teaching" (he's a phys. ed instructor that's why teaching is in quotes - I give him a hard time about that all the time) since 7 or 8 in the morning. We headed down to the baggage claim carousel and after about 5 minutes after the first bags came up, I had mine and we were on our way.

After loading up Matts car we departed. We conferred that it would be a good idea to get some food before we got to Matt's apartment. However, Seattle, like other west coast cities doesn't have the "city that never sleeps" mentality that the three of us are used to. This caused us to head to a Jack In the Box on the outskirts of the city, the only place Matt knew of that was still open. Thanks to more lovely west coast street signage that doesn't exactly tell you what road you're on or where you're going, our trip was a little bit longer than we expected. However, we finally made it and ordered up some late night grub.

Upon arriving at Matt's apartment we promptly dropped off our belongings, inflated some air mattresses and headed back out to one of the local watering holes. The Blarney Stone Pub - sounds Irish enough for my taste. Plus they had Harp on tap. Check, it's a winner. After a few rounds, some catch up conversation and checking the day's sports happenings courtesy of Sports Center we retired to Matt's apartment for sleep. It being about 4am (internally) to Mike, Matt having to work in the morning and me with no real reason to stay awake.

So we didn't see or do much in terms of Seattle, but it was a nice ease into the trip.

Disappointment: Origins

I saw X-Men Origins: Wolverine today, bet you can guess me feelings about it. Remember how you felt after Batman Begins? That sort of feeling of exhilaration like you had just gotten off a rollercoaster that flipped you, dipped you and sent you racing faster that you thought was possible? Remember how you couldn't wait to see it again or for the sequel? How your first words comments were "wow"?

Spoiler alert - X-Men Origins: Wolverine has none of that.

They took the potentially the most badass character in the history of American literature (oh yeah English majors, throw up your arms and scream about that) and give him the same generic, cliched storyline you'd expect from a Vin Diesel movie. In fact, I think you could overly the plot of a Vin Diesel movie over this - "A Man Apart" or Generic Action Flick #62, as I called it in my review back in college.

In addition to that, they gave Wolverine the "Major League 2" treatment - hey kids, the world is nice and sunny, nothing bad happens, there's no blood and you shouldn't lose your temper. After taking out a helicopter and 2 armored vehicles Wolverine has a guy he's never liked right where he wants him. Does he go into his patented berserker rage and just obliterate him? No. He walks away and uses a cliche gas trail explosion trail to give us a MichaelBaysplosion (Robot Chicken reference), so the cameras can get a nice shot of Hugh Jackman walking forward with a huge wall of flames behind him.

It's frustrating honestly to see such a great and beloved character be disrespected. And to add inslut to injury, there's a mini Cyclops storyline weaved into the end.

Gambit was finally in a movie. Still can't decide what I thought of how they used him. Accent wasn't that good, and he didn't particularly top out on the old charisma meter either. The fact that he never had a scene where he was even talking to a girl is a big oversight by the writers and would make any casual viewer of the movie think that he's nothing more than "the guy with the cards". Congratulations, you've managed to take the 2 coolest X-Men and make them appear lame.

It's not Hugh Jackman's fault, he did a great job with the steamy turd script he got. Perhaps the writers could have focused more on originality and left out some of the pages that started with "[Jackman] stands in (insert generic scene description) with shirt off, thinking/showing off body". Just a thought.

Rating - 2 out of 5 stars
Cons - could have downloaded it and been disappointed for free, Cyclops, generic and cliche, tame
Pros - Terminator Salvation looks badass, acknowledgment that Gambit exists, Hugh Jackman

Rockstars don't do paperwork

Everyone hates corporate speak - those ridiculous phrases that lamely attempt to connect the corporate working world to the outside world that people love. "Thinking outside the box", "low hanging fruit", "action items", etc. During my time at the Goog (Google) I was exposed to tons of it, and at least according to a recent poll of most anger creating corp speak terms, I was bombarded with the next generation of asinine phrases that haven't even hit the mainstream working world yet. Just wait until you're sitting in a meeting and someone wants you to "parking lot" your idea, or someone else wants to "piggyback" on it.

Despite holding in laughter upon hearing the majority of these phrases, there was one, I don't even think it's a full on corporate speak term yet, that drove me nuts - referring to an employee who did a good job as a "rockstar". It was infuriating. What happened to the lame corporate/sports metaphors, saying they "really knocked it out of the park?". Sure it was lame but at least it fit. A Rockstar? Seriously?


If you have a job where you are expected to show up daily - you're not a rockstar.

If you have a job where someone tells you what to do, and you have to listen - you're not a rockstar.

If you have to worry about sexual harrassment - you're definitely not a rockstar.

It just doesn't fit. I understand that they want employees to feel good about themselves, and think that comparing them to a desireable occupation is motivation, but it's a big lie. You sit in a cubicle, you do paper work. Even at Google, you're just about the furthest thing from a rockstar - no offense to everyone still there, but c'mon, working 9-11 hour days is not rock, even if you can wear t-shirts and shorts to work.

Rockstars bite heads off of birds, sympathize with the devil, have legendary stories involving groupies and a baby shark, blow up their drums and set their guitars on fire. They walk around with attitude, and do what they want. They don't work through lunch, analyze data or write helpful guides on how to better understand their music. They have someone else do that for them.

I think my main source of anger from this whole thing comes from this simple fact - they (managers, suits, etc.) don't want rockstars, so don't lie about it. They want non-threatening, non-disruptive, intelligent, wokers who they can to some degree control. It's not a bad thing to be one of those, but it can't be equated to a rockstar. So just drop the facade and be honest - those are the people you want.

That said, there are some occupations that could be close enough for me to tolerate the comparison - they'd be in creative fields, because that's what rock is, and that means that's where I belong.

"Rock got no reason, rock got no rhyme, just get me to school on time".




These guys didn't sit in cubicles.

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Listening to: AC/DC - For Those About To Rock (We Salute You)
via FoxyTunes