Miller Lite, the bitches beer

After another week of watching football I really need to rant and get this off my chest.

Miller Lite's ads just piss me off. And here's why:

The whole premise is a bunch of attractive female bartenders emasculating guys who order a generic light beer instead of Miller Lite.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of attractive bitchy girls - when they're clever. These commercials aren't clever, or funny and the girls are just offensively rude and oh yeah...

IT'S FUCKING MILLER LITE!
Which no one with a college degree should be drinking anyway.

Wait, a guy has the balls to not care about your "Vortex Bottle"? How dare he, we must insult his manhood.
Do you know how useless this so-called revolutionary bottle is? Incredibly useless. Here's proof:
The German's don't do it, the Czech's don't do it, the Irish don't do it, the Brits don't do it. No self-respecting, beer-loving country puts their beverage in a bottle with a wind tunnel in it except for our gimmick loving, quality blind one. Even the over priced crappy beers (Corona, Heineken, etc.) don't try that crap.

Oh no, a guy dares order a non-Miller Lite beer because he believes they all taste the same!
Quick, cut him off at the nuts. Get a girl in a tight shirt to tell him he's not a man. Perhaps he's not, but it's because he's drinking a light beer in general, so a Miller Lite won't help him grow nuts. (I'll probably expand further in a rant on 'low calorie' beer ads. Spoiler: if you don't want calories - drink water).

I can respect that 2 of the commercials dish out the insults to obvious douche guys - the guy wearing sunglasses at the bar and the obviously clad in Ed Hardy guy. But that's not the point of the ad to make fun of the Axe Body Spray crowd. Other versions seek to make fun of other guys for no other reason than because they have working taste buds and ordered something other than a Miller Lite.

As if I needed another reason to be pissed, there's this ad. Now, I'm fine with making fun of a guy for carrying a man-purse/European carry-all, but it was funnier the first time I saw it, in this ad. And Flo didn't have to be a bitch about it.

So fuck you Miller Lite and you're offensive and offensively shitty (to anyone in the advertising industry) commercials. I like bitchy girls, but you couldn't find one to make me drink your piss water.

Side Note: Wendy's don't think that I didn't notice you taking the same approach with your "2 things" commercial. You've been warned, knock that crap off.

IcelandAir good, Iceland not so much

On my way back from London I once again flew IcelandAir, to keep costs low. The airline is fantastic, providing great entertainment options and plenty of legroom. The in-flight entertainment system features about 10 movies which you can select to start at your own convenience, as well as several TV shows. I like this a lot better than the DirectTV option in terms of convenience, although, of course it does mean less variety. Fortunately for me both times I've flown on IcelandAir the selection has been great. On my flight from Heathrow to Keflavik International, I watched the Alvin and the Chipmunks sequel (I'm not proud of it, but I was curious to see what songs they would use/the treatment of the Chipettes, etc. since I was a fan of the cartoon back in the day) and the pilot episode of Glee (because I wanted to see what all the hype was about). That basically kept me occupied during the 3 hour flight.

Then I landed in Iceland, at Keflavik International airport, which, the in-flight entertainment system informed me won best airport in Europe in 2008. Just like the claim that Portland's airport made about winning such an award, I had to wonder, what jackass is voting in this competition? The airport absolutely sucks.
You exit the gate and immediately are forced onto line for passport inspection. Yeah that's normal, except you'd expect a little bit more room to maneuver. You litterally exit the gate and are on the line. There are 4 or 5 other gates with passengers trying to board a plane and it gets crammed and crowded pretty quickly. Once you make it through that checkpoint you have about zero options other than to proceed through another passport checkpoint in order to get your connecting flight gate. Great. Through that and there was a pair of non-police or customs officials with a little table forcing us to show our passports for inspection again - 10 seconds after the Icelandic border patrol just checked it! Okay that was annoying, but I powered on... to the 1 eatery I had access to in the entire airport. It's not a restaurant, it's not a fast food counter, it's 2 commercial refigerators with drinks, a case with a couple of shrink wrapped pre-made sandwiches and a small rotating warming tray with some horrible looking dish that was claimed to be pizza. After a fairly expensive and mostly inedible meal I lined up at the gate where my passport and boarding pass were checked again. However this time we couldn't get to the gate, it was up an escalator that was blocked off. So, the entire flight was then cramped into a small room next to an escalator that was roped off. Once it was opened it was a free-for-all to get on the plane. No organization or anything.

Back on the plane and I tuned in to watch 'Date Night' the Tina Fey and Steve Carrell movie. It was alright. I planned on watching 'Little Miss Sunshine', and then wrapping up with 'Die Hard' (great movie for a plane ride. Die Hard 2 of course, is a horrible choice) but exhaustion caught up so I took a nap. I woke up and programmed a 40 song playlist featuring the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, Queen and Eric Clapton which, with a few sporadic naps, got me safely to JFK. Flashed my passport a few times, explained I was studying abroad and I was back in the US of A, and it was good to be home.

The hour and a half of traffic to get over the Whitestone Bridge however, was not.

Country Roads: Part 3 - Highway to Heaven

I awoke on Day 3 around 6am as the sun began to shine through the windshield. I thought about repositioning myself so that the light wasn't in my eyes and trying to sleep a little more, but figured that it wouldn't be long before the hotel staff were awake and discovered me. And the last thing I wanted was to pay for a hotel room I didn't get to sleep in.

So I turned on the car and continued my journey. I needed gas so I made an almost immediate stop at the first place I saw. Bought a 24oz Lemon-Lime Gatorade for breakfast, took most of my medication (all of the important ones) and chowed down on a mini box of Fruit Loops I had packed for just such an emergency. Then I headed out.

I had crossed into Utah under the cover of night so I didn't really see much of it until the next day. The mountains were beautiful. I stopped at a few "scenic turnoffs" to snap some pictures. Then I would jump back in the car and continue to press onward.

Around the town of MOAB, Utah I passed by a McDonalds and needing to pee decided this was a good place to stop. Besides, since I had been driving since 6am I definitely deserved a proper breakfast. As I walked in I noticed the "Free Wi-Fi" sign on the door and after using the lavy (practicing for London), I ran back to my car and got my laptop.

I ordered the usual, 2 sausage biscuits and a medium OJ, and sat down to enjoy and map out my route for the day. I was heading towards Denver. And after the incident the night before, I was more vigilant in looking up places to stay. I got addresses and phone numbers in case the GPS crapped out on me before I got someone, I could call and ask for directions. I also updated my fledgling fantasy baseball teams, responded to some emails and updated my Facebook status. Honestly I could work out of a McDonalds now a days.

I got back in the car, directions in hand, breakfast in belly and continued my tour of Utah. I passed by a small shop offering ATV and Dirt Bike tours and turned around to drive by it 3 more times. I was seriously considering it, as it is on my life's to do list. However, I was exhausted. I realized that it wouldn't be as fun or safe in my current condition. So I continued towards I-70. Once I got on, I pulled over at the first gas station, circled around back and grabbed myself a trucker nap.

I woke up an hour or so later as the sun was now high over head and it was starting to heat up in the desert. I went inside the convenience mart, where I picked up some water and an enticing looking ice cream treat - Snickers Brownie Bar. It was damn good. I got back in the car and kept driving.

A little later on I pulled off again to grab another nap. This time it was at a Kum and Go convenience store. I mention the name only because this is obviously the work of a copywriter. Someone decided that they absolutely had to use a "U" instead of the "O "and "E". Then they realized it may be offensive and unappetizing to, well just about everyone, so they kicked out the "C" and replaced it with a "K" to add a coolness factor to it. I laughed a lot at that.

Back in the car and the day is really long. Stopped for gas and grabbed a quick bite at a Wendy's. But the real hero was the Frizzle.

It's like a slurpee. Whatever this chain of stores' brand. There were two options, "Rock n' Roll" which looked to be a combination of berries and "Dragon Fruit" which seemed to have grapes and a dragonfruit. I made my decision in the only logical way possible. Which one was purpler, because purple-ness is next to godliness. The Dragonfruit won out.

It was incredibly delicious.

Back on the road and I was into Colorado now. I had passed through maybe 2 counties and had seen the rockies (Rich, they really are big. John Denver wasn't lying) in the distance. Now I was driving on what I will forever call the "Highway to Heaven".

This has to be the most beautiful stretch of road in the country. You're driving in between the mountains. The Colorado River is on your side. East and West traffic are separated. There are tunnels through the mountains. The speed limit is 75mph. There's nothing about it that isn't perfect.

Remember in the end of Gladiator, when Russell Crowe is dying and he sees himself walking through the golden fields on the way to his family? I'd like this stretch of road to be what I see when I reach that moment. It's truely remarkable.

So after all that I made it to Denver. I passed by Invesco Field and stopped at a Burger King which had Wi-Fi (to change it up, plus I had a gift card) and got directions to a nearby motel. I called to check availability this time and the woman at the counter told me not to worry. So I inputted the coordinates into Google Maps and was off.

20 minutes later I was back at Burger King. Since my battery in my laptop was dying I didn't pay attention to my starting location, which was wrong, and therefore gave me directions I could never follow. I plugged in after finding an available outlet and re-tried to get directions.

Driving down the road I saw the hotel to my right. Then a sign saying the bridge was out. I went down the next turn and tried to find my way about 700 feet over to get to the hotel. Couldn't do it. Got frustrated and went to look for another way there. Came back again and this time noticed the orange Detour signs. Followed them and got to the hotel.

$39.99 for the night.

I wasn't expecting much. But they had a laundry room so I decided to wash all of the dirty laundry I was bringing with me (since it was the only bag of clothes I could reach and had worn the same shirt and shorts for the past 2 days). When I got to my room I was amazed.

A fridge. Not the mini kind, the same size as my apartment in Binghamton all those years ago.
A microwave.
A sink (kitchen).
A stove.
Plenty of outlets.
A king sized bed.
Plus free Wi-Fi

It was great. I ran down and put my laundry in. Brought up some drinks from the cooler and put them in the fridge. Started charging everything. When the clothes were done I got in the shower, did some internet work and then, around 1 or 2 in the morning, finally went to bed.

Country Roads: Part 2 - He's a Highway Child/Gimme Gimme Shelter

After an exciting, and grueling first day I decided to take advantage of the noon check-out time for my hotel in Vegas.

I woke up around 20 after 10 in order to catch the end of breakfast in the hotel restaurant - it wasn't free but $3.50 a short stack of pancakes isn't bad. Of course when you throw on the apple juice and the side of bacon it turned into an $8 breakfast, but whatever, I need to eat.

After breakfast I went back to my room, showered, and packed up my things. My route was already planned out, I'm going to the Grand Canyon. But first, a stop for lunch at a place featured on Diner's, Drive-Ins, and Dives, "The 4 Kegs".

Guy Fieri was actually a regular customer there when he went to UNLV. I threw the coordinates into the GPS and despite the 95 degree heat, made it. I grabbed a booth next to a sort of wall of fame, where Guy had signed some pictures. I also had a good view of 2 TVs - one showing the Italy World Cup match, and the other college baseball, but with the ESPN bottom line. After weighing my options (something I really have to do when eating out), I decided to throw caution into the wind and order one of the 4 Kegs strombolis. I got the meatball one. I hoped I wouldn't regret subjecting my stomach to it.

It came and looked great. I bit into it and it was gr... friggin hot! I was eventually able to get some in my mouth and was very happy I ordered it. The crust was light and crisp and the meatballs were good. As I was eating Italy tied their match at 1 and earned a draw. After powering through half of the stromboli I was ready to depart.

Back in the car and on to the Grand Canyon! Except that I was stuck in traffic before the Hoover Dam for an hour, maybe longer as there's only 1 lane to go through the security check. To kill some time I called my mom to check in and tell her everything was good - minus the traffic and the heat.

After a long time I finally got past security and got to drive on the Hoover Dam into Arizona. From there it was pretty smooth sailing until I was stopped again on my way into Grand Canyon National Park. Not as much of an inconvenience, just wondered why the line I was on moving about 6 times slower than the other one. Then I saw the $25 access charge and cursed TJ in my head again. Regardless, I got into the park as the sun was getting ready to set. I parked by the visitor's center, grabbed my camera and headed over to the South Rim.

I took a bunch of pictures and tried to get the sunset-ting effect but the SLR kept making things brighter. So I played a little with the aperture and shutter speed, although I'm not sure I made anything better. I silently wished Manolo was around so I could ask him how to take the picture I wanted. Oh well. I suppose I should get a book of digital photography basics, or ask Julie to explain and help me learn, when I see her in London. Her photos are great and I'm not a complete moron, so she should be able to teach me.

Anyway, I got back in the car as the sun had nearly gone down, and started driving out the other side of the park. It was getting darker and darker and I began to plan where to spend the night. I also wanted to make sure that I got enough mileage in, so that I didn't set myself back on the time I predicted for the trip.

I kept driving and looking at the signs for upcoming towns. I eventually settled on Kayenta, Arizona and had the GPS navigate me to a Hampton Inn. I got out of the car and went to the front door.

Locked.
That's strange.

Oh well, there's a Holiday Inn on the otherside of the street and a little ways up. I went in and asked for a room - they were booked. The woman told me that she was pretty sure that the Hampton Inn (that I had come from) and the Best Western down the street were also fully booked. Now if I was smart I would have asked what the hell was going on that all the hotels were booked, but it was late, I was tired and now needed to drive further.

With the GPS as my guide I kept searching for a place to spend the night. By now we're approaching 1 in the morning.

Funny thing, Arizona isn't really dense with hotels so you have to drive a fairly long ways. I went to 3 or 4 more hotels, many closed for the night where I'd have to call to get someone to come back to the hotel. Plus it seemed like $99 for the night was the best deal.

So after visiting hotel number 5 or 6 since finding out that I had no place to stay, I decided to (smartly) rough it. I pulled around back of a nice looking hotel, found an empty parking space, turned the car off, set my cell phone alarm and put my hat over my eyes to get some sleep because it was now after 2am.

It wasn't the most comfortable rest and I only got a few hours (maybe 3), but now I have this story.

Country Roads: Part 1B - Yosemite Sam's a one arm bandit

Car is loaded up and all I need to do is pay to get out of the garage. It's $27 for 24 hours, I had the car parked there 30 or so, and it's $27 for a lost ticket. I've got a brilliant idea - I'll just tell the guy I lost my ticket.

Apparently, I'm not the only genius to have this idea. He tells me to pull the car up to the gate because he has to check the license. Great, I'm gonna get busted before the trip starts and all I wanted to do was save a few bucks for a slurpee on the road. Hey I don't know, maybe he couldn't find it or karma bailed me out but he let me go with a $27 payment and didn't say anything to indicate I had done something "naughty". Now that's a good sign for the trip.

Of course because I'm cliche I turned on "Highway to Hell" as I began the trip. Drove over the Bay Bridge for the first time, was surprised that they don't charge for it, figured that was another good sign and headed out towards Yosemite National Park.

I inputted "Yosemite National Park" into my GPS (a Garmin Nuvi - just so you know) and got the directions. They differed a bit from what I had copied down on Google Maps, but then again Yosemite is pretty big and just figured this was taking me to a different part of the park. Besides, it's easier to look at the little screen on the dash than it is to fumble through a notepad and read stuff.

So yeah. The GPS took me to a park on Yosemite Ave, in a residential section of Merced, CA. I tried several combinations, menus, etc. to find the big fucking NATIONAL PARK listing, but it doesn't appear to exist in the Garmin world. Fucking GPS.

It's a good thing I've hated it just about since I bought it, don't trust it, and had the written instructions, which I followed. Amazing that GPS systems cost money, Google Maps is free and only 1 of them knows how to get to one of the largest national parks in the United States.

When the GPS tapped out and read "Low Battery" after 3 hours or so, I gladly turned it off.

Got to Yosemite and was shocked that you have to pay to get in. Not only that, but it's $20. Silently cursed T.J. in my head. Got into the park and didn't really know what to look for/do - other than I'd be exiting the other side. Sort of got lost, but more like didn't really take the most efficient route, but saw some cool waterfalls and took some (hopefully) good pictures*. Also encountered one of the nastiest and smelliest restrooms/outhouses in the world. Unfortunately when you've got to pee, you've got to pee. That's why there's pocket sized hand sanitizer.

So after I had my fill of beautiful natural scenery (and forgiven T.J. in my head) I started to make my way to the other end of the park. Here's the problem. The speed limit is like 30mph (which makes sense), except that when you chart your course on Google Maps it estimates time/distance combos at around 60mph. So yeah... it was a lot later than I planned on when I got out of Yosemite.

Not a problem though, I just won't drive all the way to Vegas. I'll stop somewhere after I get my 577 miles in. (That's the number per day that I calculated to do my original route in 7 days). Besides, it's almost 10:30pm and I started driving at 10:30am.

Now here's the fun part.

After I passed by a small village with places to sleep at 540 miles or so, I was all set to spend the night in the next area listed on the road signs. Except, it was just a few gas stations.

Okay, I'll stay at the next one.

No lodging.

The next one? Gas station.

So now I'm looking at the upcoming areas signs posted on the road, it's nearly midnight, and there's just one option left.

You guessed it, Vegas.

In a way, I was sort of happy. I'd be doing an all day drive to get to Vegas, at night, and come barreling down onto the strip in all it's glory. Plus, since my original plan was to make it to Vegas on Day 1 (not a complicated feat other than getting slowed down in Yosemite by the low speed limit) - I knew of a cheap place to crash. Even had the address.

I hit the Vegas city limits and I'm looking at exit signs for Las Vegas Blvd. Can't find any. Okay, now we're having problems. Get off at one of the exits and try to find it. Not working. I momentarily thought about calling Mr. Scott back home (since he knows Vegas like I know the script to the movie "Clue") but 3am may be early even for him. So I made a desperate move. I tried to turn on my GPS.

To my surprise it worked and after some fiddling had the address entered. Of course it gave me 2 options, North Las Vegas Blvd, or South. I chose North. I followed it and didn't see the Howard Johnson. Problem. However, I did pass by a Best Western, so I back tracked it over there, crossed my fingers it wasn't more than $60 a night and went in.

$49.95 for the night. It's about 12:30-1 in the morning when I get to my room. I set everything to charge, crank the AC, plan a little of Day 2's route and get to sleep.

*A note about pictures from this trip - I'll add them at the end. I shot/shoot everything in RAW format on my SLR so will do some editing/correcting in Photoshop. (Read as: Manolo told me to do this, so I do it even though I have no idea what I'm doing).

Country Roads: Part 1a - Oh you're leaving? Not so fast.

So here we go, I'm finally going to do it. Woke up bright and early, walked up to Fisherman's Warf for the last time and went the McDonald's there, for the first time, to get my favorite breakfast, (2 sausage biscuits and a med. O.J.) Then went back to my apartment to pack the last of my bags into the car, put out a "Box O' Free" full of stuff I couldn't fit in the car and still had enough value that it'd be a shame to throw it out, and made a horrifying discovery...

The guy set to sublet my room backed out!

Yeah, so that was a shocker, although I honestly can't really blame him for panicking after I had to say, "no, please don't send the check and finalize the agreement we made because one of my roommates suddenly realized that he knows a friend of a friend of a friend of someone's dead aunt that may need a room, and it'd be much more preferable to live with someone they sorta knew but not really. So the kid bailed thinking he wouldn't get the room, and I'm fucked for a few thousand dollars. Roommate not really taking responsibility for financially fucking me over because "next time don't tell him it's a friend, just say it's another respondent so they don't panic."

Great advice. Here's some for you. 3 days before I'm set to drive cross country and just found someone to replace the last guy who bailed on taking my room, take your preferences and shove them unless you plan on financially covering me in case this shit happens.

Fortunately (sort of), the roommate I knew the least is a stand up guy and has put the room back on Craigslist and is trying to help me get it sublet so I can recoup/salvage some of the money I lost because of the blown deal.

Hey, now if that's not the way to start a week long, 4 thousand mile trip, what is?

Food Review - Hot Dogs: AT&T Park

You sort of know going in what to expect - a hot dog at a baseball game is going to cost you. A lot. However, growing up in NY and being a frequent visitor to both Yankee and Shea Stadiums (and now "New Yankee Stadium" and Citi Field) it was at least tolerable because you were getting a good dog. At all four of parks you can/could get a footlong hot dog (for something like $7.50) so even though you were paying an arm and a leg, at least you had enough food to last you a full inning. Or 2 batters if Oliver Perez was pitching.

Cut to AT&T Park, home of the San Francisco Giants. A regular sized hot dog is around $4.50, and it's small. And every time I've ordered one, the person behind the counter has literally bent down, opened some sort of warming try (or hot box as I've heard things referred to on Food Network) and handed me a foil wrapped, thing. Again, comparing it to NY, you can look over the cashiers shoulder and see the hot dogs quietly rolling along their cooker thing, watch as said cashier goes over to it and plucks a dog for you, and serves it in a little try, exposed so you can actually see it. (The footlongs do come in a box, but you can watch them put it in the box). There's nothing like that at AT&T Park for the regular hot dogs. They've been heated hours ago, wrapped in foil and shoved into some secret compartment. Appetizing.
So on my last trip to the ballpark I opted to try one of the smaller stands that also sells bratwurst. There, they had a "jumbo dog" for $7.25 and it was grilled, on a flat iron grill, in front of you. More expensive but seemed like it'd be worth it because at least I knew it was cooked to order and would have that delicious slight black sear that dogs get. Unfortunately the grilling only improved the taste slightly. Thus meaning that the real problem is with the hot dog they're using - a local vendor called Alpine Meats. I don't know what the deal is, if it's organic or trans-fat free or made from the ground up remains of dead hippies, but it tastes too much like a tube of bologna and sits with you for hours upon hours after consumption. (YMMV since you probably don't have Crohn's Disease like I do).

Anyway, it's bad enough to make me hate myself after eating one, every time (hey, I'm an all-American boy, so I've got to eat a hot dog at a baseball game) and wish I was back in NY. The one redeeming quality though, is that it looks hilarious if photographed in the proper position.

Food Review - Hot Dogs: The Dogfather

It's only fitting that I review this place first because it may have actually inspired this whole idea. Prior to the opening of the Dogfather (which is on my block) I had only known of a single hot dog purveyor (Zogs Dogs, which will be reviewed later) and was quite content with giving them 100% of my non-at-home hot dog purchases. So the Dogfather opened (I live in Little Italy, so you can figure how they got the name) and it was obvious that I had to give them a shot. Here's how it goes down.

The Dogfather is open late nights (next to Golden Boys pizza, a North Beach staple - despite the fact that they only serve Sicilian, or "sheet" pizza to the non-Itlos) and hopes to attract part of the stumbling home drunk crowd. I visited there for lunch one afternoon before having to go to class. The inside is really cool - flat screen TV in the corner, comfortable tables and of course the whole reason I said it's cool in the first place: table top Pac-Man machines. Two of them. Badass. Of course, you can dress up a shit sandwich with the finest trimming but in the end you're still eating shit. On to the food.

I ordered a foot long with bacon (I'll give San Francisco credit, every hot dog seller has the add bacon option), and a side of fries. I took it home eagerly anticipating what may be.

Overall, it was alright - good, not great. The bacon was the same fairly narrow strips you'd find topped on a Jr. Cheeseburger at Wendy's. You know the bacon I'm talking about, narrower than any strips you'll find at the supermarket, looks crispy but is strangely flaccid. The dog itself wasn't bad. I remember looking at it though and disbelieving that it was really a foot long. I've had plenty of foot longs in my life - most of the time at Yankee and Mets games. Those are Nathans footlongs. They're not that thick but you know it's 12 inches long. (That's what she said).
Anyway, the Dogfather footlong, whether it really was or not, was thicker, so I didn't really mind although it did seem off to me. The taste wasn't bad. It had a slight snap to it but in the end it wasn't any more delicious than the hot dogs you'll find at AT&T Park (also to be reviewed later). The fries though, were very good. Crisp, golden and delicious. But since this isn't about the fries, it's not really enough to make the Dogfather any more worth-while.

An additional side note. While this doesn't pertain to me, since I eat my dogs with only ketchup (some call it 'sacrilege' I call it being a 'purist'), according to early Yelp reviewers, the Dogfather was charging extra for "toppings" like sauerkraut, onions and relish. That's just a violation of cardinal hot dog rules. Those things are free. Ask any street vendor in NY and they'll tell you the same thing. That's part of the hot dog. I just choose not to add them. I understand charging for real extras, like my bacon, but 'kraut, onions and relish are fundamental staples. It'd be like charging for ketchup or mustard. I'm hoping they've since changed their policy because that just kills your legitimacy immediately.

The other problem I have, and this is just the way shit is in California, is that it's not just "the Dogfather" it's "the Dogfather, next line: salciceria". Seriously now? You're selling hot dogs (yes, I understand you have "gourmet" sausages as well) and trying to target the drunk, coming home from bars crowd. Salciceria is about as pretentious (cocksuker) as you can get.

Decent enough hot dog, but not for the price (meal came to around $11). Really only worth coming back to have an order of fries while playing Pac-man.

Just your typical NYC Night

Last night I headed down to the Lower East Side to take in a show - a burlesque show - at the Slipper Room for my friend Lauren's birthday.

Accompanying me on the trip, a.k.a. giving me a ride to the train station and back home, was my friend Jenn and her boyfriend Dave. After arriving at Grand Central, which still instills me with awe every time I pass through it, we headed out to the streets towards Bryant Park where we would pick up the F downtown. At the corner of 42nd and Avenue of the Americas I sent Jenn and Dave on their way as I stepped up for my favorite of NY delicacies - the dirty water dog. A $9 "Makes Bob Happy" Meal later (for those not from around here, that's 2 dogs and a pretzel) I headed across the street, met them at the entrance to the subway, polished off the 2 dogs so I could have a hand to hold my pretzel and we were on our way. Now I had offered to share a meal with my accomplices, but Jenn mentioned that Dave doesn't eat hot dogs and if he weren't the size of a small mountain I probably would have given him shit for it. But he is, so I didn't.

We took the subway down, Jenn briefly called my sister to give her directions to the Slipper Room and we made our way to the venue. We still had time to kill before meeting everyone else and the show starting, and with Jenn and Dave both hungry, we made our way to a local pub so they could eat and I could catch up on my rapidly imploding NCAA bracket. We visited the 6th Ward. I finished off the 20oz Mountain Dew I had picked up earlier while gleefully learning that Kansas had been upset by Northern Iowa. I was also shockingly surprised to hear the Buzzcocks "Ever Fall in Love (with someone you shouldn't)" played in the bar. Fantastic saw and such a great bit of pop-culture. It's the song playing during the montage of J.D. and Elliot's first time in a relationship together on Scrubs. Season 1, episode 15, "My Bed Banter and Beyond". What can I say, I love that episode and Sarah Chalke/Dr. Elliot Reid was a major crush. She's married now, well Sarah Chalke is, but I guess Dr. Reid can still be a crush. (Note: I'll have to explain my personal rules on crushing sometime so that this makes a bit more sense).

Anyway, to the Slipper Room!

$5 cover to get in, we knew this in advance, and it's fairly nice sized space. It get's a little cramped up by the stage but there are some comfortable booths lining the outside and then there's the bar on the opposite wall. Not a huge place, but still bigger than your average bar in San Francisco. Saw some people I hadn't in a long time and caught up with them, saw some of the gang I hadn't seen since coming into town, and well you know, the usual stuff you do and conversations you have when you're with friends. Of course wished the birthday girl a happy birthday and gave her the great news that a team decked out in purple had been the ones to take down the might Kansas Jayhawks. Night continued, drank, posed for pictures, told jokes, stories and the what not.

Time to leave, back on the subway and to Grand Central. Slight mix up (in my head) with what time the train leaves - it leaves at 1:50 I thought 1:53 - so while standing on line at the hot dog cart at 1:49 I casually said to myself "I've got this" as I ordered another "Makes Bob Happy" Meal, this time with a Mountain Dew since there was no other place I could get one. Grabbed my bag and sprinted to catch the train. Made it to track 33 to see no train there. Immediately called Jenn and asked "where's the train?" she said, "it's moving." I began to protest that at 1:52 (the then current time) a 1:53 train should have already left. She set me straight on the train times and I quickly ran back to the main hall and then down another corridor to the 1:53 Harlem line train where if I could catch it and get off at the Croton Falls stop, Jenn would come get me. Fortunately, I made that train after finding a seat amongst the typical Saturday night last train back to the 'burbs drunken masses, settled in to enjoy my meal. It was good, however, not even the delicious ambrosia that is Mountain Dew could wash out the taste of guilt I had for mixing up the train times and requiring special attention like a drunk girl. Luckily Jenn is a great friend and well, I've had to take care of her on a plethora of drunken nights so I while, I'm sure an annoying way to end the evening, there were no hostilities or anything. Although I did feel like an idiot for screwing up when not even drunk.

Ah well. You've always got to come away from the night with a story.

Culinary Kick Ass

In case I haven't ever mentioned this before, I hate the camera on my phone. It doesn't work right. Half the time it takes a picture, tells me that it's saved and then when I go to look at it, show it off or send it, I see a stupid little icon with a question mark. I've looked online, no help. I've been to the Verizon store out here, no answers. It's incredibly frustrating when the only camera you have on you is your phone for that "one time only, thank goodness I have a camera on me", type moment is one that won't take the picture.

Latest incident - tonight, my kitchen. I cooked myself up a really great Sunday dinner: Spaghetti marinara with mussels in a tomato and garlic sauce with garlic bread. I snapped not 1, but 2 pictures to make sure that it saved so that I could show it off later. Later comes around, go to send the pictures to my email so I can post on Facebook, yeah, stupid question mark again. Really pissed about it because I had already written the captions in my head too. When I get home I'm taking the damn thing back to Verizon and having them figure it out or call LG to figure it out or whatever. My contract isn't up until September so I'm pretty much stuck with this damn phone so I'd like it to work.

Anyway, while I couldn't get a picture of the meal, here is a hilarious rendition of me doing my Iron Chef look.