Calling out Mercedes Benz

Mercedes Benz has been running an ad that positively infuriates me. It's a bunch of pretentious bastards (i.e. Mercedes' target audience) talking about how they were almost in an accident, but their car did the work for them and saved their sorry ass.

Here's the thing - A MERCEDES IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR KNOWING HOW TO DRIVE "YOU STUPID GOD-DAMN DUMB SHIT MOTHERFUCKER" Bad Habit by The Offspring

Sure, maybe I'm over-reacting a tad and just looking for an excuse to spew venom at the self-important upper class for their lame attempt to relate to the layman's concern of "how safe is my car" with some ridiculous spot that comes across as "Hey, it's okay if you're a shitty driver. As long as you can afford a Mercedes."

Anyway, when anger and creativity meet you get something like this re-cut spot that I put together.

Super Bowl Ads - 2011, quick reaction

So the NFL wins with ratings and the best commercial, VW uses the Star Wars license better than George Lucas, Verizon bitch slaps AT&T so hard they can't talk, Eminem gets serious about iced tea(?!?) and helps Chrysler make the emotional climax portion of a movie about an underdog rising up, the e-trade baby is still funny, Coke tries (and fails) to connect with the young kids (again), Chevy introduces drive-by Facebook stalking, the Black Eyed Peas can't get by with a little help from their friends (and should have to pay everyone in the world for ruining "Sweet Child o' Mine"), Christina Aquilera obviously hates America and a lot of money was spent on things no one will remember. But hey, Captain America and Thor look good.

A little bit of home in London: Jersey Boys

After years of not being able to get tickets in New York (partially because I was only in the state for brief periods at a time and more with the incredible cost), I was able to score a pair to see the show here in London.

It was GREAT!

A couple of things struck me though about the London theater-going experience, especially since I expected them all to be snooty, uptight, Victorian types.
1) You don't get a Paybill or any sort of complimentary program when you enter. - Rather disappointing
2) You can take your drink from the bar with you to your seat. - Not the case in NY
3) Ushers don't hound you the minute you pull out a camera. My friend Julie was able to take 2 pics of us before the performance started without someone dashing over threatening to remove us or confiscate the camera. - Also, not the case in NY
4) After intermission there was no light dimming or universal announcement to return to your seats. We were back in time yet I still missed that "familiar" signal. - Obviously that's how it's done in New York.

Okay, so on to the show. I knew part of the story - the simple aspect that these guys had gotten into a few scrapes with the law before hitting it big. What I didn't know was all of the turmoil and other stuff that had gone down. It was entertaining and informative (E/I - just like those old "Saved by the Bell" episodes).

The humor was great, although I think most of it was lost on the London crowd who I guess just don't get what it's like to be an Italian from Jersey. Me, an Italian from New York, with roots in the old neighborhoods and countless family stories told over incredibly large holiday meals - I get it.

I don't want to give it away considering I'm probably not the only person back east who wanted to see it but couldn't afford a ticket, but it's a real roller coaster of emotions. What makes it more powerful, of course, are the songs. Especially when you get to "My Eyes Adored You".

Later in the show you're scratching your head wondering what is "this song" that Bobby is so sure is a hit and the record companies and radio stations won't play. Then when Frankie comes out and you hear the first few notes, you almost smack yourself in the head and wonder "what the F were these guys thinking? That's a great F-ing song." Well, if your from NY or NJ you say that. Everyone else can just wonder why it didn't originally get airplay.

It gets sad and happy again from that point on. But in the end, you have a great finale number and even if it took a few years and flying across the Atlantic, you know it was worth it.

Country Roads: Part 6 - On the way to Uncle's

Country Roads Part 6 - On the way to Lou's

Okay where I was I? Oh yea, Sikeston, Missouri in a really nice suite. So I did the usual, woke up, had breakfast, showered and jumped back in the car. Although this day was unlike all of the others, today was the day that I was going to make it to Memphis, Tennesse and get some of Uncle Lou's Fried chicken (as seen on the Food Network). It's not much of an exaggeration to say that it was actually Uncle Lou's which inspired this whole trip across the country.

I had seen it on TV and wanted it. Then I thought to myself - "honestly, when the hell am I ever going to go to Memphis?" Well I made up a reason, to get back to NY from SF. Sure, it's not the most direct route, but like I said, otherwise when would I really ever go to Memphis?

So in the car I hit the push button start and was on my back onto the highway south. I will admit that I got a little nervous for a minute when I saw the sign welcoming me to Arkansas because I had completely missed the fact that my route would take me through R Kansas for about half an hour. Once I had successfully cleared one of the states I was pretty sure that I'd never go to, I was into Tennessee. I was excited. And hot, it was already in the mid-90s and we're not even at noon yet.

As the in car thermometer hit 102 the GPS guided me into the non-tourst part of Memphis where I found Uncle Lou's Famous Fried Chicken in small and somewhat suspicious looking strip mall.

I walked in and despite the fact that there was a Dallas Cowboys flag hanging for some sort of fundraiser or something, I felt right at home. I quickly looked over the menu and decided on the mixed 3 piece meal with Sweet Spicy Love (the mild variety) and a large version of Uncle Lous cool aid. I took a seat at one of the tables and about 10 minutes or so later the man himself, Uncle Lou, emerged from the kitchen with my order. The meal came with french fries and a honey biscuit, both of which were just alright, but the chicken. Oh the chicken. Yeah, it was incredible. Sweet, Spicy Love is the sauce that our sauces should aspire to be. After a great meal I bought a bottle of SSL to bring home to mom to make her KFC take out, awesome.

Back in the car and it's about 105 degrees now as I make towards Kentucky. A few flash rainstorms (my first precipitation of the trip) got the temperature down to a cool 95 degrees. The incredibly hot temperatures have since caused a problem with my memory and I don't really remember the rest of Tennessee. I did stop at a gas station/souvenoir stand to pick up some gifts for my mom and grandfather (he was station in Tennessee during the war and really loved it) but other than that, I don't remember anything else.

Inside of Kentucky I had to fill up at a gas station, I think someways past Frankfurt. I ran in to grab a bottle of water as the temp had gone back up to 97, and was utterly shocked at the incredibly beautiful girl working at the counter. I noticed her as I walked in and made my way to the cooler to grab a bottle of water. As I picked out a bottle I started trying to figure out what the hell she was doing there. She was beauitful so why would she be working in a gas station in the middle of nowhere Kentucky? In NY she would have at least had a photo casting call to model...uhm, something but in Kentucky she was rotting away at a gas station. I wished I didn't have a carload of crap so that I could offer to take her away from this boring life (and 97 degree heat) and bring her back with me to the big city.

I paid for my water and she asked if I needed anything else. My head finally caught up and I scrolled through possible responses about asking for her number, or to run away with me. Instead though, I declined her offer and got back into the car to once again wish I had said something different.

Drove the rest of the way to Lexington where I stayed at a Red Roof Inn. It was pretty pricey but like most nights, I was exhausted when I got there and wasn't going to bother trying to drive around for a better rate. So I unpacked, showered and hit the bed. I was pretty close now - in the Eastern time zone, so it wouldn't be long now.

Preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse

Before I left SF I made a trip to a local shooting range with a friend from school. I was psyched because I had always wondering what it felt like to fire a real firearm. So we headed over the Golden Gate Bridge and made a left just slightly past San Quentin prison.

Inside the range we got to choose our weapon. My goal was to fire a SIG P229 (the standard issue sidearm of NCIS), but had to confess to the guy at the counter that I have never fired live ammo before.

He gave us a .22 revolver and a box of 50 bullets. We also got to choose our target, which was easy since there was a freakin zombie target. I was excited to pump some lead into him.

Out on the actual range, I hung up our zombie, loaded the revolver and squeezed off all six rounds. Due to the small caliber of the bullets I couldn't tell where I had hit on the target. I immediately understood why .22s are for women. Chelsea and I switched off until we had gone through the case of bullets. Afterwards we headed back to the counter to get a bigger gun.

This time I asked for the SIG. We got it and went back to the range, where on my first shot it jammed. Realizing that trying to fix it myself, without a knowledge of how it works could potentially be fatal, I went back to the counter. The guy came back to the range with us and started working on the gun. After a few minutes he declared that the firing pin had broken and we would need another gun. Back at the counter he asked what I would like to go with. Unfortunately I was only able to fire one shot with my Tony Dinozzo SIG, so I told him to just give me anything that would fire the ammo we had just bought (9mm).

This one had weight and the first shot felt much more satisfying than any of the .22s. We polished off our ammo pack and I bent down to police my brass and take a few casings as souvenirs. We exited and paid and then grabbed a quick lunch at In N' Out.

It was only when I got home and looked at my souvenirs that I realized I picked up the wrong shells. I had a .22 from the revolver and meant to have a .9mm from each of the two pistols but upon further inspection I had picked up two .45 caliber shells. it was a bit sad that I grabbed the wrong ones, but I'm still keeping them to remember this experience by.

Country Roads: Part 2 - He's a Highway Child/Gimme Gimme Shelter

After an exciting, and grueling first day I decided to take advantage of the noon check-out time for my hotel in Vegas.

I woke up around 20 after 10 in order to catch the end of breakfast in the hotel restaurant - it wasn't free but $3.50 a short stack of pancakes isn't bad. Of course when you throw on the apple juice and the side of bacon it turned into an $8 breakfast, but whatever, I need to eat.

After breakfast I went back to my room, showered, and packed up my things. My route was already planned out, I'm going to the Grand Canyon. But first, a stop for lunch at a place featured on Diner's, Drive-Ins, and Dives, "The 4 Kegs".

Guy Fieri was actually a regular customer there when he went to UNLV. I threw the coordinates into the GPS and despite the 95 degree heat, made it. I grabbed a booth next to a sort of wall of fame, where Guy had signed some pictures. I also had a good view of 2 TVs - one showing the Italy World Cup match, and the other college baseball, but with the ESPN bottom line. After weighing my options (something I really have to do when eating out), I decided to throw caution into the wind and order one of the 4 Kegs strombolis. I got the meatball one. I hoped I wouldn't regret subjecting my stomach to it.

It came and looked great. I bit into it and it was gr... friggin hot! I was eventually able to get some in my mouth and was very happy I ordered it. The crust was light and crisp and the meatballs were good. As I was eating Italy tied their match at 1 and earned a draw. After powering through half of the stromboli I was ready to depart.

Back in the car and on to the Grand Canyon! Except that I was stuck in traffic before the Hoover Dam for an hour, maybe longer as there's only 1 lane to go through the security check. To kill some time I called my mom to check in and tell her everything was good - minus the traffic and the heat.

After a long time I finally got past security and got to drive on the Hoover Dam into Arizona. From there it was pretty smooth sailing until I was stopped again on my way into Grand Canyon National Park. Not as much of an inconvenience, just wondered why the line I was on moving about 6 times slower than the other one. Then I saw the $25 access charge and cursed TJ in my head again. Regardless, I got into the park as the sun was getting ready to set. I parked by the visitor's center, grabbed my camera and headed over to the South Rim.

I took a bunch of pictures and tried to get the sunset-ting effect but the SLR kept making things brighter. So I played a little with the aperture and shutter speed, although I'm not sure I made anything better. I silently wished Manolo was around so I could ask him how to take the picture I wanted. Oh well. I suppose I should get a book of digital photography basics, or ask Julie to explain and help me learn, when I see her in London. Her photos are great and I'm not a complete moron, so she should be able to teach me.

Anyway, I got back in the car as the sun had nearly gone down, and started driving out the other side of the park. It was getting darker and darker and I began to plan where to spend the night. I also wanted to make sure that I got enough mileage in, so that I didn't set myself back on the time I predicted for the trip.

I kept driving and looking at the signs for upcoming towns. I eventually settled on Kayenta, Arizona and had the GPS navigate me to a Hampton Inn. I got out of the car and went to the front door.

Locked.
That's strange.

Oh well, there's a Holiday Inn on the otherside of the street and a little ways up. I went in and asked for a room - they were booked. The woman told me that she was pretty sure that the Hampton Inn (that I had come from) and the Best Western down the street were also fully booked. Now if I was smart I would have asked what the hell was going on that all the hotels were booked, but it was late, I was tired and now needed to drive further.

With the GPS as my guide I kept searching for a place to spend the night. By now we're approaching 1 in the morning.

Funny thing, Arizona isn't really dense with hotels so you have to drive a fairly long ways. I went to 3 or 4 more hotels, many closed for the night where I'd have to call to get someone to come back to the hotel. Plus it seemed like $99 for the night was the best deal.

So after visiting hotel number 5 or 6 since finding out that I had no place to stay, I decided to (smartly) rough it. I pulled around back of a nice looking hotel, found an empty parking space, turned the car off, set my cell phone alarm and put my hat over my eyes to get some sleep because it was now after 2am.

It wasn't the most comfortable rest and I only got a few hours (maybe 3), but now I have this story.

Just your typical NYC Night

Last night I headed down to the Lower East Side to take in a show - a burlesque show - at the Slipper Room for my friend Lauren's birthday.

Accompanying me on the trip, a.k.a. giving me a ride to the train station and back home, was my friend Jenn and her boyfriend Dave. After arriving at Grand Central, which still instills me with awe every time I pass through it, we headed out to the streets towards Bryant Park where we would pick up the F downtown. At the corner of 42nd and Avenue of the Americas I sent Jenn and Dave on their way as I stepped up for my favorite of NY delicacies - the dirty water dog. A $9 "Makes Bob Happy" Meal later (for those not from around here, that's 2 dogs and a pretzel) I headed across the street, met them at the entrance to the subway, polished off the 2 dogs so I could have a hand to hold my pretzel and we were on our way. Now I had offered to share a meal with my accomplices, but Jenn mentioned that Dave doesn't eat hot dogs and if he weren't the size of a small mountain I probably would have given him shit for it. But he is, so I didn't.

We took the subway down, Jenn briefly called my sister to give her directions to the Slipper Room and we made our way to the venue. We still had time to kill before meeting everyone else and the show starting, and with Jenn and Dave both hungry, we made our way to a local pub so they could eat and I could catch up on my rapidly imploding NCAA bracket. We visited the 6th Ward. I finished off the 20oz Mountain Dew I had picked up earlier while gleefully learning that Kansas had been upset by Northern Iowa. I was also shockingly surprised to hear the Buzzcocks "Ever Fall in Love (with someone you shouldn't)" played in the bar. Fantastic saw and such a great bit of pop-culture. It's the song playing during the montage of J.D. and Elliot's first time in a relationship together on Scrubs. Season 1, episode 15, "My Bed Banter and Beyond". What can I say, I love that episode and Sarah Chalke/Dr. Elliot Reid was a major crush. She's married now, well Sarah Chalke is, but I guess Dr. Reid can still be a crush. (Note: I'll have to explain my personal rules on crushing sometime so that this makes a bit more sense).

Anyway, to the Slipper Room!

$5 cover to get in, we knew this in advance, and it's fairly nice sized space. It get's a little cramped up by the stage but there are some comfortable booths lining the outside and then there's the bar on the opposite wall. Not a huge place, but still bigger than your average bar in San Francisco. Saw some people I hadn't in a long time and caught up with them, saw some of the gang I hadn't seen since coming into town, and well you know, the usual stuff you do and conversations you have when you're with friends. Of course wished the birthday girl a happy birthday and gave her the great news that a team decked out in purple had been the ones to take down the might Kansas Jayhawks. Night continued, drank, posed for pictures, told jokes, stories and the what not.

Time to leave, back on the subway and to Grand Central. Slight mix up (in my head) with what time the train leaves - it leaves at 1:50 I thought 1:53 - so while standing on line at the hot dog cart at 1:49 I casually said to myself "I've got this" as I ordered another "Makes Bob Happy" Meal, this time with a Mountain Dew since there was no other place I could get one. Grabbed my bag and sprinted to catch the train. Made it to track 33 to see no train there. Immediately called Jenn and asked "where's the train?" she said, "it's moving." I began to protest that at 1:52 (the then current time) a 1:53 train should have already left. She set me straight on the train times and I quickly ran back to the main hall and then down another corridor to the 1:53 Harlem line train where if I could catch it and get off at the Croton Falls stop, Jenn would come get me. Fortunately, I made that train after finding a seat amongst the typical Saturday night last train back to the 'burbs drunken masses, settled in to enjoy my meal. It was good, however, not even the delicious ambrosia that is Mountain Dew could wash out the taste of guilt I had for mixing up the train times and requiring special attention like a drunk girl. Luckily Jenn is a great friend and well, I've had to take care of her on a plethora of drunken nights so I while, I'm sure an annoying way to end the evening, there were no hostilities or anything. Although I did feel like an idiot for screwing up when not even drunk.

Ah well. You've always got to come away from the night with a story.

Undercover Boss: Hooters

Based on a suggestion from my buddy Scott I decided to check out this episode. I was a bit unsure what to expect because, well it's Hooters and it's Scott. What I forgot was that Scotty is actually fairly business savvy - especially when it comes to the food service/restaurant biz.

So as the episode starts off we're introduced to Coby Brooks, the current President and CEO and he gives us the company backstory. I kind of knew the basics, that it was founded by a bunch of guys who got tired of getting kicked out of bars. What I didn't know was about how Coby's dad got involved and basically turned it into a family business. Most interesting was the fact that Coby's relationship with his father was sort of rocky and he got the job when his dad walked into a board meeting, announced that the former president had been fired and that Coby was taking over (without Coby's own knowledge). From there you sort of get the stereotypical Southern family dynamics where, now after his father's passing the son is trying to get out from the shadow while making the uncomplimentary old man proud. Basically it's as cliche as hell, but when you see it in terms of real people and not actors in a script, it still hits with a weight.

So throughout his week undercover Coby does a bunch of jobs. I will say this, the 7-11 people were definitely more entertaining and seemed to have more personality. Plus I felt bad for that CEO because he had graveyard and insane morning shifts to deal with.

Anyway, so all of the Hooters establishments featured were in the south. Not surprisingly you came across a few stereotypes - like Jimbo, your basic run of the mill Texas chauvinist who had the job so that he could feel like a real man by telling attractive girls what to do. And actually the best part of that scene was that you saw Coby cringe at what was going on, wanting to break cover. Say what you will about Hooters, but the guy in charge knows there are lines and wants them enforced strictly. He's not Larry Flint, he's just the head of a restaurant organization with gimmick, and that gimmick is attractive girls and a suggestive name.

Obviously the best part of the episode was when Coby (undercover) was out with 2 of the girls from a local Texas Hooters, giving away free samples to the public and interacting with people. You know that by sending those girls out there you're putting them in a tough spot; between stupid guys and really opinionated women, it's a no win for them. And now you had the CEO of the company standing right next to them seeing what it's like, hearing what people say etc. Personally, I think that had to be, for him, and for the company, the most valuable part.

So anyway I'll spare you the details on the reveals and stuff because like I said, 7-11 was better. But this episode was really good to watch to realize what a pain it is to be the head of a company that is controversial.

Undercover Boss: 7-11

While I was back home for the holidays, my mom showed me an article in the NY Daily News (or maybe the Post, forget which one she usually reads) talking about the then upcoming CBS show, Undercover Boss. She clipped the article for me because it focused on the CEO of White Castle (that episode will air this Sunday). Anyway, I may or may not have read it, but obviously due to my lack of TV service had never watched the show. I wrote it off as being nothing more than a PR outlet for the companies involved and figured that through the magic of editing it, like the rest of reality TV, would be the furthest thing from actuality.

I never had any intentions on going back on my initial reaction. Of course there was the possibility that I may watch the White Castle episode just because it'd be hilarious to see an old white guy working on Fordham Road. What's he going to say, "I'm the CEO, don't shoot"? They killed a cop outside, so I doubt the idea of not robbing and killing the millionaire in charge would be popular. It could become a great episode of CSI though.

Anyway, tangent aside, today while I was checking out Facebook updates the school, mentioned the show and the review said there were some "heart tugging" moments in the recently aired 7-11 episode. So, I tuned in, cynical as ever. Of course, I should mention, that while I thought the show was nothing more than PR and publicity for the companies participating, I do, whole-heartedly support the concept and think that, especially in this era of corporate greed that would make Gordon Gecko proud, that CEOs taking a look at how their companies affect the people who keep them running is a great practice that would lead to improvements for everyone involved. You've got to realize, that the non-jackass, money stealing CEOs of major companies are probably pretty smart (either book or street smart) individuals, who when face to face with a problem or bad policy, will recognize it and react. Okay, enough build up, on to the show.

So the CEO of 7-11, Joe DePinto is introduced. I immediately decide I like him and that he's one of "the good guys" as far as suits go. Blue collar roots in Chicago and a West Point grad who spent time in active duty. That's the middle-America values kicking in, but since I do like 7-11 I am glad to know that this is the guy in charge. It's not going to make me buy more things, but they have the new Kratos Fury flavored Slurpee to do that. So Joe goes undercover as "Danny", first at a store on Long Island that sells more coffee per day than any other 7-11. He struggles on the job but the store's owner/operator Dolores is patient and encouraging. Turns out she has 1 kidney and goes for dialysis twice a week. She won't let her kids donate because she's worried that what happened to her could happen to them when they get older and then they'd only have 1 kidney. Immediately made me think of my mom. So Dolores comes across as this noble, humble, friendly (she knew just about every customer who came into the store, greeted them buy name and made it appear to be a small mom and pop shop rather than 7-11) heroic individual. Okay obviously it was edited that way, but you can't take away that the woman is obviously NY tough. Joe goes and works at the largest bakery that 7-11 operates, in Baltimore. Here he struggles a bunch on the line, but Phil, the guy showing him the ropes keeps the atmosphere light and helpes pick up the slack. Phil is a former Marine and "Danny" shares that he has an Army background. During the "confessional" part where Joe/Danny is outside of the job speaking directly to the camera he talks about how he felt attached to Phil because of the shared military background (something I expected. If it wasn't for the possibility of getting shot, and my lack of physical condition, I have to admit I think I'd really like what it is that the military provides). Anyway, in the break room Phil shows Danny some sketches and art that he's done and used to decorate the room. They didn't show a lot on the show, but some of it was pretty cool. Before leaving, Phil draws Danny a picture of a donut to take with him to remember the experience. Okay, in the next few experiences Danny learns that the maintenance system they have implemented sort of sucks, and that an immigrant from Pakistan who works the night shift so that he can go to school during the day feels like there aren't chances for advancement working at 7-11. Not exactly thrilling stuff. But it's TV, so obviously they are going to "wow" you with the last segment, and it didn't disappoint. Igor, a delivery truck driver from Khazikstan ( I shit you not). This guy was almost a walking stereotype of the Eastern European immigrant who came to American with hope and little else. Danny asked him as they were driving, what keeps him motivated and Igor told his story. Sure, it's just about your run of the mill, "America is the greatest country; you take it for granted being born here; it's given me great opportunity and happiness", but you know what? Every now and again you need to hear these stories, to remember that they're true. That yeah, shit happens, some days suck and all that, but on the whole, it's still a great place. Again, that middle-America values, mixed with the type of pride you can only develop living on the East Coast, and it made me happy to hear Igor talk with such excitement.

So obviously the show has to have some sort of payoff - besides the fact that the CEO now knows some ways to make his company better. It's time to reveal his identity to the people he just fooled. So they're summoned to the head offices in Texas. Long story short - Phil gets a gig doing freelance designing for the marketing and advertising departments so that he can build up a portfolio. I thought that was really cool, and less "gimmicky" than a raise, a bunch of cash or whatever. Dolores had an organ donor awareness program setup in her name, company wide, to help stress the importance of organ donation and potentially help get her a new kidney. She was overjoyed and really moved by the gesture. And then there's Igor, who got a resort vacation for him and his wife so that they could finally spend time together (Igor works nights, his wife days). Again, his reaction was the thing that should make you proud to be an American - he said about the big boss coming to work with the common guy and then this reward that Igor is receiving, not in movies, not in the books, only in America. Then Joe address the head office of 7-11 tells people what he learned, new commitment to the stoers, blah blah and then an epilogue of what's happened to all of the people. Nothing really interesting except - Igor was presented with his own franchise, as the caption said, "Igor is still living the American dream...He's now his own boss."

I guess the point of this isn't really so much about the show, other than company higher ups should really look into something like this (and it's okay to do without the TV cameras) and help strengthen their companies, which will in turn help the economy and the country. But beyond that, it was one of those human interest things where you realize that there is good out there. And here's my 10 cents even though I desperately try to avoid politics - it's people like these who give America the potential to be great. It doesn't just happen, one thing they all had in common is that they work hard and believe in the good. Someone needs to get tough and remind people that it's one thing to say you're the greatest country in the world while resting on your laurels. It's another thing entirely to show it everyday, with everything you do. And as far as I'm concerned, the latter is the way this country was founded.

The Office Wedding

I won't lie, I had been excited for this all week. Sure, The Office is a popular show because it's funny and gives most of us a chance to relate to horrible work situations we've encountered but under all of the layers of outrageousness, ingenious pranks, and witty one-liners they developed a really touching sweet storyline with Jim and Pam.
It never seemed forced and it just flowed smoothly, even when they had problems. Pam was engaged to Roy and even though you knew that Jim and Pam should be together, you weren't sure if it was going to happen. Then Jim left they introduced Karen and it seemed like what we all thought would/should/had to happen, wasn't going to. But without making too many crazy leaps of faith or taking unnecessary shortcuts we got to tonight - Jim and Pam's wedding. I think the fact that the relationship was presented in such real, non-tv gimmicky terms that made this as wonderful of a moment as it was. Just a quick check of Facebook and tons of people's status messages were about "attending" Jim and Pam's wedding or commenting about it, like they were invited guests. It's safe to say that the show has always done a good job of making (at least the two of them) relateable characters you could always have a genuine emotion for. Like when Michael got up and explained, in detail, to Pam's 80 year-old grandmother why the cool, young kids don't always use protection during sex - you laughed because it was funny, cringed because it was the "wrong" kind of funny, and even though expecting something like this to happen, felt bad for Jim and Pam.
At the reception dinner Jim's toast (up until he blew the baby secret) was sincere and sweet and what you hoped he would say after being a quiet observer to his and Pam's friendship and finally relationship. It made you feel good that this was happening, rather than that this was just a gimmick/fan-service type episode for ratings. Like I said, their relationship has always felt "real" in a way and so this was just it's natural conclusion. And the twist at the end, with Plan C was a great touch, displaying Jim's forethought, which we've come to expect from him, especially when it comes to things involving Pam (remember his original proposal plan?).
Anyway, to wrap this up, I loved this episode and for whatever reason find myself happier because Jim and Pam are officially married in a fake world that doesn't exist.

And for anyone - like me - who had no idea about what YouTube video they were talking about during the episode, you can watch it here. It truly is fantastic the first time you see it, but you'd hate to copy it. Personally, I'm glad that someone has set the precedent for in-ceremony entrances, because now the one I have planned doesn't seem like such a crazy idea.

Shout-Out to the Newlyweds

Last week I flew back to New York to attend the wedding of my friend's Scott and Kristen. First off, let me just say that "friends" is misleading - I love those guys and couldn't be happier for them. Alright, enough sentimental stuff for now, let's recap the event (or at least the important parts from my perspective).

After some c0-mingling with friends we were shown into the rainforest room where the ceremony was to take place. Took our seats and away we go. I served as official personal photographer to my friend Lauren, a bridesmaid who wanted new facebook profile pictures. After a few minutes the families started entering, and away we go. I did my best to get pictures of the bridesmaids as they entered but had made an early error by sitting stage left (the side the groomsmen would be on as they escorted the lovely ladies down the aisle), so they weren't my best work. Bride meet
groom, this nice gentleman here will be marrying you, now each of you repeat what he says, whe he looks at you like you're supposed to say something, say "I do" and we're done. No nonsense ceremony, very nice, not dragging and nothing to complain about.

Cocktail hour is on and let's find the bar. Ask the bartender the most important question - "Do you have Mountain Dew on the gun?". They didn't, so it was going to be a Sprite night. First drink was well vodka and spirte, or as it should be called, a mistake. Fortunately it was learned afterwards that had we just asked Steve (I learn bartender's names very early) he would give us Kettle One. That was put to good use the rest of the night. More mingling and talking, congratulating the families and we're starting to get into the party mood.

Shuffling us off to the main hall now to take our seats and time for me to speed this up and hit the highlights. Take seats, order dinner, await wedding party's entrance. My friend Jason tries to convince one of the bridesmaids (perhaps the whitest of them all) to do the soulja boy dance with him when they enter. She declines, he does it anyway (that's why we're friends). Bride and Groom aren't at the end of the procession. Where are they? Oh, popping out of a chapel that rises from the stage - AWESOME! I've got to get one of those for my wedding... uhhh.

DJ plays some questionable floor clearers throughout the night and I'm starting to get worried that dancing will not occur. Just started on drink #4 or 5 and am just hoping to get 1 song I like. Then, I hear it. The begining of "September" by Earth, Wind and Fire. Grab my friend Michelle's sister Amy's hand we're out there.

Lowlight - during the conga line we passed the bar and I jumped off to get another Kettle and Sprite. Rejoin the party on the dance floor to limbo, Hermes Conrad style. Get under the first time no problem. Second time, little difficulty getting down, so I pause and take another sip. I'm under the bar hopping through when I slip and start going down. Safety first I keep my head up to avoid smashing it and possibly getting a concussion, but my drink is not so lucky. Glass shatters on the dance floor and I'm lying in vodka, sprite and ice. Awesome. I got up and immediately apologized profusely to Scott and Kristen. They shook it off and I went back to see Steve for a refill to sulk into.

Alright, called out to the dance floor for the garter toss. Boquet was caught by the maid of honor, Tori. I'm standing next to her boyfriend A.J. (or as I call him - the Phenominal One, long story but beer pong related) who informs me that Scott intends to throw the gartner directly at him, and asks for my help. No problem, that's what I do - help people. Scott turns and fires, and I casual take a step forward, reach out and snag the garter in the air, pivot and strut off a la saturday night fever. I'm just about at my table to get my drink when I hear them calling me back. This is the part I did not know. He who catches the garter, must apply it to she who caught the boquet. Ah, so helping out A.J. has now deteroirated into feeling up his girlfriend. Interesting turn of events. Well I know I'm going to keep it pretty PG, but the crowd wants a show. Fortunately, I've got prop sunglasses (that they gave out earlier, no I don't go to weddings with my own props. I'm not Carrot Top. I'm funny) to help make this more believeable. So I keep it tasteful, yet entertaining. Someone posted a video on Facebook but I don't feel like copying it to repost it here.

Hit another lul as me and my friends are back at our table, drinking, and waiting for a song to dance to. Waiting. Amy says that if we wait for the perfect song we'll never get out there. Works everytime. Hit it - "Billie Jean". I don't know if anyone was headed to the dance floor or not, but I beat everyone out there and busted my 78% moonwalk across the floor and into the spin. A few fantastic moves later and the floor is filled. A few more moves and my friends have all gathered around me as I'm showing off the moves. Great song, great time. Couple more great songs to dance to, ending with "Don't Stop Believin'".

Anyway, I'm not sure I'm going with any of this. Just really wanted to mention what a great night it was, for myself but more importantly for my friends, the bride and groom. I wish you guys nothing but the best because I believe you're the best match for each other.

Salud.

How big's your engine?

A friend of mine who is also in advertising and I were talking about this commercial after I commented that there is no substitute for a rock chick. It dates back to a time when anyone who drove a Prius would be called names other than "environmentally conscious". Fast cars and rock n' roll - I miss that.



Suck it Ken, you hybrid driving pansy.

Quick thoughts about my family

I survived just about a full month at home with my family. It wasn't always easy. Okay, so maybe if my mom wasn't heavily sedated and unconscious for a week and a half I wouldn't have made it, but that point is we all came out of it for the better. My mom is doing better and hopefully realizes that she needs to make some changes to how she's taking care of herself; my sister possibly learned to loosen up a little bit and be a little bit nicer to people when she's in charge and me well I developed a love for the show NCIS, thanks to my mom and sister.

Between the three of us we watch a lot of crime/murder/police - drama/mystery/comedy shows. We've got our bases covered with all branches and specialties from street level detectives (Law&Order, Homicide, Monk), forensics and anthropology (CSI and Bones), interrogation and people reading (the Closer, Lie to Me), psychics and photographic memory (the Mentalist and Psych) and just about everything in between. While I was looking after my mom one afternoon she fell asleep (thanks to the meds) and left me sitting on the bed watching the story of the Zodiac.

We're sort of a weird family like that, but I think that each of us is siliently hoping that we are within the close proximity to a crime so that we can spring into action and solve it - like a bad NBC TV show. So you've been forwarned; if you're going to commit a crime of any kind you best do it far away from me and my family. Or else we'll investigate, tie you to the evidence, establish a solid motive and even write the prosecutions opening arguements before they put you away.

Oh, and don't try any of that "mommy never loved me" or twinkie defense bullshit. We've seen it all before.

The House that Corporate Sponsors Built

Tonight I went to my first game at the New Yankee Stadium after years of going to games at the House that Ruth Built. Since this is all part of my impromptu NY trip I didn't have a camera with me, but I doubt my pictures would be anything special compared to all of the images already available from the Yankees propaganda machine or other people who have visited the new stadium.

Full Disclosure: I'm a lifelong Mets fan. I don't think my opinions come from some deep rooted Yankee hatred, as opposed to an objective look at things from the perspective of a fan, but I realize that it's likely some small amount of bias will inevitably creep in. But I've warned you about it in advance, so deal with it.

In journalism school they teach you the golden rule: don't bury the lead.
I wasn't all that impressed with the new Yankee Stadium. I'm not entirely sure if it's because I think you should get more for your money for a billion and a half dollars or because there's a bunch of useless stuff that needed not to be included. So here we go with the rundown.

The walk in from the outside of the stadium is a nice upgrade, and actually gives you that whole "cathedral of baseball" feel to it. In my opinion they should have just added it to the old stadium and made a few minor improvements. At the entrance "guests" have to scan their own ticket rather than having ushers or ticket checker people do it with a hand-held device. This is a bad idea because people are stupid and most of them can't operate technology correctly. Given that there is no manual override for a scanner that just isn't picking up a faded barcode or some other issue and you're going to have backed up lines of angry New Yorkers - which is never a good thing.
Anyway, the interior is much roomier, which I guess is nice and it's also brighter/better lit. That I will say is a nice improvement. Stairs replace ramps, which means as far as I can tell the whole place is a lot less handicap accessible. I believe Handiman will have something to say about that. Now with all of these new stadiums they have increased concession stand offerings (and prices) to cater to the casual fan or as we used to call them - bandwagon jumpers, jag-offs, fair weather fans, or simply "that f'in guy doesn't know s*!t". But fine, while these new ammenities will bring that specific clientele it does of course offer a benefit to actual fans - call it a positive externality. Economics degree in action. The new Yankee Stadium has it's own steakhouse, a la AT&T Park in San Francisco. Yeah, that's right Yankee fans, this wasn't some brilliant idea you came up with, you swipe it from another team like a high priced free agent. Anyway, besides that you've got your typical fair - chicken fingers, hot dogs, hamburgers, philly cheesesteaks, pizza, Italian sausage and nachos. The food was good, so at least you feel like you're getting your arm and a legs worth.

The seats are more comfortable than the old stadium, so that makes for a much more pleasant experience. Especially when the Yankees are playing a pathetic team like the Washington Nationals. The JumboTron is approximately 700 feet high and is used to display facial images of the players for the previously mentioned fair weather fans, who don't know the guys who play on their own team, rather than interesting or important information such as their batting average and other statistics. Those tidbits are relegated to a much smaller board cramped with the batting order, and current pitcher. The configuration makes for a more difficult read and really should be on the big board. That's to the left. To the right is a pitiful out-of-town scoreboard which displays 4 games at a time and has to continuosly circle through all of the days games. Haven't full out of town scoreboards been adopted as the norm since the mid 1980s? Then there are two "old fashioned" scoreboards embedded in the outfield wall. Question - who the hell is looking at those? There's a 700 foot jumbotron showing the same information. They are a pair of wastes - a useless aesthetic someone diagrammed out to try and give a billion dollar stadium a more "old fashioned" feel, I suppose. Besides the poor treatment of the right field bleachers. Connecting them to the rest of the stadium - good idea; blocking off part of their view because you want to build a restaurant or some other ridiculous attraction for the wealthy - bad idea. I guess that's a good enough segway into the now infamous "moat" that seperates the expensive seats from the common folks. I wasn't close enough to them to see how the whole process works so I won't comment further beyond what I've read from the various papers and sports reports who have been there and experienced it - that's just wrong.
Around the stadium I found an AT&T cell phone kiosk and an art gallery. I was upset with the serving of wine in San Francisco but these two things put that to shame. I'm sure this isn't the only stadium that does it but I expected better from the Yankees. They're the Yankees. They're supposed to be the only thing that people who don't know anything about baseball, know about baseball. It sure be pure, like the old stadium. More Derek Jeter and less A-Roid.
I like to think that Jeter is sad deep down inside with the direction the organization has taken. It allows me to not hate the Yankees, believing that at least one of them is still about the game.
But to me, this new stadium isn't about baseball, it's a sideshow. I miss the old place.

I'm hoping to go to Citi Field before heading back to Cali. If I do I'll review that too, and I'll probably be even harsher, because after all, it's supposed to be for me. "New" Yankee Stadium not being the single greatest achievement of humankind - I could care less - Yankee fans have to deal with that when they stop delluding themselves.

Why do the Yankees hate cripples?

Craig Ferguson is a nut

I wrote a post before about the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson being completely off the wall. For your viewing pleasure, I now submit indisputable visual evidence from last Wednesday, June 3rd's show.

Oh and to set the scene, right after the credits for Letterman rolled, this is what you saw - no warning or anything.

I'm burning for you

Tonight was the season premiere of Burn Notice. Actually, I'm watching it right now. But about 20 minutes before the show started I decided that I was hungry enough to make a quick food run. I abandoned watching the end of Casino Royale, no big deal, I have it on DVD, and set out on my mission.

I was going to be cutting it close, fortunately traffic cooperated and there was no line. I grabbed my food and was all set to race back. Funny thing happened, just like it did this time, I turned on the radio and got Blue Oyster Cult's "I'm Burning for You." Great sign from above.

Push the button (keyless ignition), hit the gas and I was home with enough time to eat before the season 2 finale recap.

Line(s) of the night

Required upfront knowledge before reading my transcript - Craig Ferguson is Scottish and earlier in the show Jeffery Tambor exclaimed that Ferguson has very large hands. Ferguson responded that he also has a very large...well you know.

Craig Ferguson interviewing Burn Notice star Gabrielle Anwar.

Gabrielle is plugging the show when Ferguson cuts in...
Ferguson: "You're not American!"
Anwar: "No, I'm not."
Ferguson: "What are you?"
Anwar: "I'm English."
Ferguson: "Ah, I always enjoy meeting English girls... (awkward pause) and doing to them what their ancestors did to my country."
Anwar: "My what big hands you have."

You've been burned

Tomorrow night Burn Notice returns for season 3 (now at 9pm to provide a strong lead in for the new series "Royal Pains") and I'm psych'd (clever intentional use of the title of another USA original series).

Burn Notice is one of the best shows on TV and I'm looking forward to another great season of action, laughs and practical spy tips. If you've never seen it, check this out to find out what you've been missing. Because of the way season 2 ended you could probably even start watching tomorrow night and get into the story and watch this new season straight through. Afterwords though you should go back and check out seasons 1 and 2 (especially 2) because they were awesome.

It's a brand new night

Tonight was Conan's first show. I have to admit, watching him on the Tonight Show can only be equated to watching your team's top pitching prospect, who you followed throughout the minors and watched in Triple A, knowing that it was just a matter of time before he got the call to big show, make his major league debut. From the Simpsons, to the Late Show we knew this was going to happen and it's really, I think, a generational moment to see Conan take over the Tonight Show.

I was a bit nervous. As everyone knows Late Night is much different from Primetime and would NBC let Conan do the show his way or would they try to tamper with him to make him more "pleasing" to older audiences. So far though it seems as if they're letting Conan be Conan.

The opening skit for the show was great. Conan leaves NY but can't grab a cab so he runs across the U.S. When he gets to the studio he can't get in - cut back to the keys on the windowsill in NY. Lots of directions this can go for comedic effect, and what they choose will set the tone. Conan walks back off screen saddened. The door remains in view and then from off screen, a bulldozer drives right through the door and studio wall. Great start.

Max Weinberg is there, which I knew but I guess I missed the memo that Andy Richter was coming back. When he announced Conan I got really excited. Conan got a huge applause, "pop" as it's referred to in the wrestling game. It's obvious that the audience is aware of who he is, which I guess was a concern of NBC with regard to their usual demographic. After quieting the audience down, Conan introduces Andy and welcomes him back.

Another skit, showing Conan leading a Universal Studio tour. Crowd shots showing someone didn't get his humor, while others are just cracking up. At one point he got the crowd on the tour chanting "circle, circle" as the driver did donuts on the Universal lot. Then Conan took the tour "off-road" through L.A. before stopping at a 99 cent store to buy gifts for everyone on the tour. Great stuff. As the skit ends and they cut back to the studio the studio audience is chanting "circle, circle". And that's when I realized, things are going to be alright.

Just one thing could have made it better - someone yelling out "Vroom Vroom party starter."

Good luck Conan. We're all happy for you.

Meet the Beat Alls

If you never watched, or up until this point in life had zero interest in watching, the Powerpuff girls, you need to watch the episode, "Meet the Beat Alls". It's just one giant Beatles reference with characters speaking in lyrics and the storyline mimicking the career of the band. I love the concept and it's actually what inspired me to write my biography in lyrics both for my Miami Ad School application and my goodbye email at Google.

Anyway, here's a short clip from the episode to inspire you to watch one of the best written episodes of a TV show ever. (You can find it on YouTube in 2 parts)