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After another week of watching football I really need to rant and get this off my chest.
Miller Lite's ads just piss me off. And here's why:
The whole premise is a bunch of attractive female bartenders emasculating guys who order a generic light beer instead of Miller Lite.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of attractive bitchy girls - when they're clever. These commercials aren't clever, or funny and the girls are just offensively rude and oh yeah...
IT'S FUCKING MILLER LITE!
Which no one with a college degree should be drinking anyway.
Wait, a guy has the balls to not care about your "Vortex Bottle"? How dare he, we must insult his manhood.
Do you know how useless this so-called revolutionary bottle is? Incredibly useless. Here's proof:
The German's don't do it, the Czech's don't do it, the Irish don't do it, the Brits don't do it. No self-respecting, beer-loving country puts their beverage in a bottle with a wind tunnel in it except for our gimmick loving, quality blind one. Even the over priced crappy beers (Corona, Heineken, etc.) don't try that crap.
Oh no, a guy dares order a non-Miller Lite beer because he believes they all taste the same!
Quick, cut him off at the nuts. Get a girl in a tight shirt to tell him he's not a man. Perhaps he's not, but it's because he's drinking a light beer in general, so a Miller Lite won't help him grow nuts. (I'll probably expand further in a rant on 'low calorie' beer ads. Spoiler: if you don't want calories - drink water).
I can respect that 2 of the commercials dish out the insults to obvious douche guys - the guy wearing sunglasses at the bar and the obviously clad in Ed Hardy guy. But that's not the point of the ad to make fun of the Axe Body Spray crowd. Other versions seek to make fun of other guys for no other reason than because they have working taste buds and ordered something other than a Miller Lite.
As if I needed another reason to be pissed, there's this ad. Now, I'm fine with making fun of a guy for carrying a man-purse/European carry-all, but it was funnier the first time I saw it, in this ad. And Flo didn't have to be a bitch about it.
So fuck you Miller Lite and you're offensive and offensively shitty (to anyone in the advertising industry) commercials. I like bitchy girls, but you couldn't find one to make me drink your piss water.
Side Note: Wendy's don't think that I didn't notice you taking the same approach with your "2 things" commercial. You've been warned, knock that crap off.
I'm glad I wasn't the only one who got pissed off at these rude bartenders. If someone orders a light beer, how dare those bartenders even give them the opportunity to order something other than the vortex bottle Miller Lite? The bartender clearly offers both beers and gives the guy a choice. In a couple of these commercials, she says "more taste or less taste?" and the guy obviously doesn't think that either has any taste because he accurately says something to the effect that there's no difference. So, a question to the rude bartenders...why do your bars even carry any light beer other than Miller Lite? Why would you offer them a choice? And what's with these guys' friends snickering at the guys after the rude bartender rips on him? Some friends. So the message here is that you should conform. Buy the Miller Lite because all of the good looking people (bartenders, the other good-looking women at the bars, even the Axe Body Spray crew he's hanging with) will make fun of you - because it obviously is the beer that makes the person, not the personality. Honestly, who cares what someone is drinking (unless its Zima) and who are you to put someone down. No tip for you bitch, and I'm taking my business elsewhere and buying something other then Miller Lite.
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