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Mercedes Benz has been running an ad that positively infuriates me. It's a bunch of pretentious bastards (i.e. Mercedes' target audience) talking about how they were almost in an accident, but their car did the work for them and saved their sorry ass.
Here's the thing - A MERCEDES IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR KNOWING HOW TO DRIVE "YOU STUPID GOD-DAMN DUMB SHIT MOTHERFUCKER" Bad Habit by The Offspring
Sure, maybe I'm over-reacting a tad and just looking for an excuse to spew venom at the self-important upper class for their lame attempt to relate to the layman's concern of "how safe is my car" with some ridiculous spot that comes across as "Hey, it's okay if you're a shitty driver. As long as you can afford a Mercedes."
Anyway, when anger and creativity meet you get something like this re-cut spot that I put together.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Can you handle the Sheen?
Charlie Sheen says that he's no on drugs, the only thing he's on is Charlie Sheen (a combination of high priced hookers and blow in delicate proportion). Anyway, if you'd like to be on the same sort of trip, now you can as Charlie is selling his magic stuff.
Monday, February 28, 2011
If My Life were a Movie...
CAST:
Me: Michael Cera (he's done it before) or Topher Grace but I think that Johnny Depp has the range.
Female Lead (the one I wind up with): Anne Hathaway (obviously) or Sarah Chalke (she plays the part to a T)
The One that Got Away: Eliza Dushku or Mila Kunis
Best Friend (Male): Jake Gyllenhaal or Jason Bateman
Best Friend (Female): Rachel Leigh Cook
My Mom: Marissa Tomei (seriously, she looks the same as she did in My Cousin Vinny)
My Sister: Michelle Trachtenberg
Director: Kevin Smith but it'd be cool if we could get Christopher Nolan
Soundtrack: a little bit of: Jay-Z, Guns N' Roses, the Rolling Stones, Queen among others.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Super Bowl Ads - 2011, quick reaction
So the NFL wins with ratings and the best commercial, VW uses the Star Wars license better than George Lucas, Verizon bitch slaps AT&T so hard they can't talk, Eminem gets serious about iced tea(?!?) and helps Chrysler make the emotional climax portion of a movie about an underdog rising up, the e-trade baby is still funny, Coke tries (and fails) to connect with the young kids (again), Chevy introduces drive-by Facebook stalking, the Black Eyed Peas can't get by with a little help from their friends (and should have to pay everyone in the world for ruining "Sweet Child o' Mine"), Christina Aquilera obviously hates America and a lot of money was spent on things no one will remember. But hey, Captain America and Thor look good.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Ocho TO: Week 8
The universe is more resilient than I thought. A week after Where's My D-fense? notched it's first victory of the season, by knocking off the #2 seed no less, the universe remains in tact and not ripped at the seams as previously hypothesized. So with the future of everything safe for at least one more week, we make our way into November, the month of turkey, holiday shopping and football on the occassional Thursday. Yeah, not going to do an over done Halloween themed column.
AnyGivenSunday (1-6) vs. Where's My D-fense? (1-5-1)
The new bottom of the standings takes on the former doormat this week, in everyone's favorite bickering couple battle. Sunday looks to regain her preferred spot (on top) with a win this week. QB Aaron Rodgers will face a daunting Jets defense this week, and without a running game expect the Jets to lock in on shutting down receivers Greg Jennings and Donald Driver so that they can rush Rodgers continuously. On the surface the wide receivers all appear to have great matchups this week, however, after last week's debacle against the Raiders, is it safe to assume that Jabar Gaffney and the Denver passing game will have any success in London? And while Percy Harvin faces a young and inexperienced New England secondary that gives up the big play - he may be dealing with Tavaris Jackson under center. As for Chad Ochocinco, he has Carson Palmer as his quarterback, who only had a good game last week because I faced him in 2 leagues. So this week he goes back to not being very good. The running back situation is solid and TE Brandon Pettigrew should get a boost from the return of Matthew Stafford.
Celebrating their first victory of the season, Where's My D-fense? would love to create something the others in the league call "a winning streak". It won't be easy this week with QB Joe Flacco on a bye, so young Chad Henne was brought in as a spot starter. The receivers, Randy Moss and Greg Jennings have each played well the past 2 weeks, however Jennings is sure to be left out on Revis island while Moss may be suffering from the same Tavaris Jackson problem as Harvin. If Moss where still a bright eyed youngster it wouldn't be an issue (he made Daunte Culpepper look capable), but we all know that the older Moss has no time for over exerting himself. Additional pass catchers Danny Amendola and Nate Burleson will have easier matchups since they aren't #1s on their team, but could do some heavy damage if they can horde in the catches. RB Jonathan Stewart is getting the start only because real life teammate DeAngelo Williams is hurt and Matt Forte is on a bye. It remains to be seen who his backfield running mate will be on Sunday.
Weinenators (2-5) vs. Pussies (5-2)
The Weinenators are looking for a third win this season, which with some good fortune, could put them back into playoff contention. QB Mark Sanchez continues to be very good at not turning the ball over, yet has not had a breakout fantasy game. In a game projected to be as close as this one is, perhaps the Sanchize's slow and steady pace is the key to a win. WR Hines Ward is enjoying a bump thanks to the return of Bad Ben in Pittsburgh, while it may sound crazy but Roy E. Williams may experience the same thing now that Jon Kitna is taking over for Tony Romo in Dallas. Remember, these two played together in Detroit and it has not been reported that Kitna has the same man love for Jason Witten that Romo does. Meanwhile Kevin Walter remains in the shadow of Andre Johnson and Arian Foster in Houston, so it'll be interesting to see how many touches he gets on Monday Night against the Colts, since the only way this game should be a blow out is if Houston is on top. Running backs Marion Barber and Beanie Wells shouldn't be expected to do much this week, so let's shift our focus to TE Dustin Keller. Keller is a top 5 tight end this season and should have some room to operate in the middle of the field with Santonio Holmes and Braylon Edwards occupying the sidelines in the Jets passing attack. A solid running game will keep the linebackers up, meaning that Keller should be able to get behind them for space at an 8-15 yard clip.
Pussies could use another win like I could use a new digestive system. Quarterback remains an issue as Matt Cassel is the only signal caller on the roster. Perhaps they should explore trading with a team who has a few extras, such as Where's My D-fense? Correction: Just noticed Josh Freeman on the bench. Anyway, the team is vulnerable this week as WRs are again lacking. Mike Sims-Walker is hit or miss no matter who the Jags QB is and Johnny Knox is a deep threat on a team with no offensive line and a QB who enjoys throwing the ball to the other team to show that he's not scared of them. Brilliant. With the Ravens on their bye this week, Rashard Mendenhall will have to carry the load all on his own, although it could be said he's been doing that all season as Ray Rice has been a disappointment. Flex play Dez Bryant had an outstanding game last Monday Night against the Giants in what amounted to garbage time, but fantasy points are fantasy points and if he can duplicate his performance this week it may put the Pussies on a pedestal.
Winning my $$ League (2-5) vs. Wide Right (4-3)
Peyton Manning certainly has his work cut out for him now that TE Dallas Clark is out for the season. How much of a hit will this be to Winning my $$ League's QB remains to be seen. Afterall, he is Peyton Manning. If he is in need of assistance from his teammates though, looking over the roster he isn't going to be thrilled with his options. Best hopes seem to be WR Nate Washington and TE Jason Witten, although no one is sure what sort of rapport Witten and new QB Jon Kitna have. As for Washington, he will have to coral wild passes from Vince Young. And if the Titans do make the move to Kerry Collins, he's already made it clear that he favors former Rutger's Scarlett Knight Kenny Britt. The flex spot remains open and Winning my $$ League could make an early morning move tomorrow as there isn't a need to hold on to 3 defenses.
Wide Right is currently enjoying their most successful season that I can remember. After a surviving a decision to bench Darren McFadden last week, the team is over .500 and in playoff position. Well this week McFadden is in along with Ryan Torrain and Knowshon Moreno. I suspect 2 of the three will be the focal points of the offense this week, but if all 3 get clicking it could be a big win for Wide Right. QB Drew Brees is struggling heading into a matchup with the Steelers on Halloween Night, but he potentially has his 2009 Drew Brees costume in his closet and can break it out for a special one night only "what the hell?" type performance. Still he'll need help from WRs Mike Williams and Larry Fitzgerald. A contribution from Michael Crabtree would be like getting a king-sized Twix bar in your trick-or-treat bag, you're not counting on it but it'll make your night.
You PUNT! (2-5) vs. Stay Puft (3-3-1)
Just barely in the playoffs vs just barely on the outside. You PUNT! is the team trying to make their way in, lead by QB Matt Hasselbeck who know has a bit of an offense thanks to the acquisition of Marshawn Lynch. Against an Oakland team Hasselbeck should be able to provide more pop than his projected 12 points. Still, he won't be able to do it on his own and will need significant contributions from WRs Terrible Owens and Miles Austin. The duo's QB issues have been previously described so I won't reiterate that it's a shaky proposition to rely on these guys. The running situation isn't any better however, as Ricky Williams and C.J. Spiller are both backups who may see a very limited number of carries. Hope comes in the form of tight ends Vernon Davis and Mercedes Lewis, two security blankets for whatever quarterback is unfortunate enough to be under center for their teams. In Davis' case however, it's unlikely that he's taken many reps with Troy Smith. Still, his first name is Troy and not Alex, so it's possible that he's smart enough to get the ball to Davis.
Let's be honest, Halloween is the holiday for Stay Puft. Despite being perfectly mediocre record-wise, this is their week, and the projections show that. QB Matt Schaub may be in for a shootout on Monday Night with Peyton Manning, or he may just need to do a little to get his team the win and let the other guys go nuts. WR Mike Wallace is glad to have Roethlisberger back, as he's scored in each of the games since Ben's return. Kenny Britt is an emerging start at wideout and Reggie Wayne may be Peyton's only reliable weapon left. RBs Adrian Peterson and Ronnie Brown face defenses they can exploit and TE Owen Daniels may have some success if the Colts can't get their pass rush into high gear. Flex play Thomas Jones could be a starting back for any other team, just to give you an idea of how ready to explode this team is this week.
DingleBarrySanders (4-3) vs. NomNomNom (5-2)
The family is at it again, as DingleBarry takes on his older cousin. Bad Ben is in at quarterback while Eli is taking the week off, and he inherits a spoil of riches. WRs Brandon Marshall and Wes Welker to go along with a strong running game. Marshall is in prime position for a good week against a depleted Cincy secondary and no pass rush up front. Wes Welker has had his production decrease significantly since Randy Moss was moved out of town, but after a few weeks to adjust you have to figure that Belicheck has as way to get him back flowing in the offense. MJD is having a disappointing season and it probably won't get any better against the Cowboys. While the G-men were able to run on Dallas last week, the Jags offensive line is nowhere near as good. Steven Jackson will go for St. Louis against the Panther's despite being injured, again. But like always, he's playing. And the player to keep your eyes on? At the flex it's Arian Foster looking to run all over the Colts again.
Despite losing to previously always beaten Where's My D-fense? last week, NomNomNom remains in 2nd place. They look to rebound this week with the help of a loaded passing game featuring Steve Smith (Car), Andre Johnson, Davonne Bess and flex play Calvin Johnson. Each is a number 1, except for Bess who usually just contributes 5+ catches a game anyway. With so much talent on the outside it almost doesn't matter that Carson Palmer is their quarterback. The running game is centered around Jahvid Best who should have some running room against Washington now that Matthew Stafford is back at quarterback. Shonn Greene may seem some increased touches this week against a solid Packer's defense as the Jets have had 2 weeks to prepare and may begin to try to save LT for the post-season. KC TE Tony Moeaki is having an impressive rookie season and with the sudden re-emergence of Dwayne Bowe in the passing game, Moeaki should see less quality coverage, giving him a chance to fact highly in the Chiefs passing game.
And finally, our GAME OF THE WEEK:
#3 GreenZone (5-2) vs. #1 The I.F.F. (7-0)
The GreenZone can make a huge statement this week if they can knock off the current #1. Philip Rivers will be throwing all day, both because the Titans are solid against the run and because that's all he does anyway. The passing game includes WRs Dwayne Bowe and Pierre Garcon whose value is on the rise as well as Brandon Lloyd and Marques Colston who's value may have peaked already. However, if all 4 players can put in a quality effort this week, it may be enough to add the first blemish to the I.F.F. RB Frank Gore is currently looking for a running partner as Panther's back DeAngelo Williams is unlikely to play this week against the Rams. Personal favorite TE Heath Miller is just another of the Steelers who is getting the Bad Ben bump since the return of the team's quarterback. A favorite target for years he's a vital piece to perhaps one of the most balanced offenses in the NFL. This week, his contributions could lead his fantasy team further up the standings.
The Indefinable Franken Furter (hey, it's Halloween) remains unbeaten for now, however with their top two receivers on bye this week, will the current #1 make some early morning moves to keep the win streak alive, or will they take the loss and try not to disturb team chemistry? So that leaves WR Patrick Crayton all alone with the receiving duties this week. Kyle Orton showed signs of coming back down to Earth last week and the poor play of his team has the local fans clamoring for the rookie Tim Teabow. Could it be that the people of Denver deal the most damaging blow to the top seeded team by having his quarterback replaced? With Jay Cutler waiting on the bench that can't be a comfortable position for the I.F.F. to be in. Running backs Chris Johnson, Michael Bush and Jamaal Charles will have to shoulder the burden if the team goes into the game this week with only one pass catcher. Fortunately those are 3 solid backs. Unless Darren McFadden goes nuts again and Bush has to watch it all from the bench. TE Antonio Gates is still hampered by a foot injury which may limit his production, creating an ere of a perfect storm coming together to topple the I.F.F.'s run at perfection.
Just a quick announcement, there likely won't be a preview next week as I'll be in the hospital recuperating from surgery on Tuesday. So, feel free to look over your team's week 9 matchup and make pithy little comments about it to yourself, while I lay in bed hopefully with a supply of pain killers.
AnyGivenSunday (1-6) vs. Where's My D-fense? (1-5-1)
The new bottom of the standings takes on the former doormat this week, in everyone's favorite bickering couple battle. Sunday looks to regain her preferred spot (on top) with a win this week. QB Aaron Rodgers will face a daunting Jets defense this week, and without a running game expect the Jets to lock in on shutting down receivers Greg Jennings and Donald Driver so that they can rush Rodgers continuously. On the surface the wide receivers all appear to have great matchups this week, however, after last week's debacle against the Raiders, is it safe to assume that Jabar Gaffney and the Denver passing game will have any success in London? And while Percy Harvin faces a young and inexperienced New England secondary that gives up the big play - he may be dealing with Tavaris Jackson under center. As for Chad Ochocinco, he has Carson Palmer as his quarterback, who only had a good game last week because I faced him in 2 leagues. So this week he goes back to not being very good. The running back situation is solid and TE Brandon Pettigrew should get a boost from the return of Matthew Stafford.
Celebrating their first victory of the season, Where's My D-fense? would love to create something the others in the league call "a winning streak". It won't be easy this week with QB Joe Flacco on a bye, so young Chad Henne was brought in as a spot starter. The receivers, Randy Moss and Greg Jennings have each played well the past 2 weeks, however Jennings is sure to be left out on Revis island while Moss may be suffering from the same Tavaris Jackson problem as Harvin. If Moss where still a bright eyed youngster it wouldn't be an issue (he made Daunte Culpepper look capable), but we all know that the older Moss has no time for over exerting himself. Additional pass catchers Danny Amendola and Nate Burleson will have easier matchups since they aren't #1s on their team, but could do some heavy damage if they can horde in the catches. RB Jonathan Stewart is getting the start only because real life teammate DeAngelo Williams is hurt and Matt Forte is on a bye. It remains to be seen who his backfield running mate will be on Sunday.
Weinenators (2-5) vs. Pussies (5-2)
The Weinenators are looking for a third win this season, which with some good fortune, could put them back into playoff contention. QB Mark Sanchez continues to be very good at not turning the ball over, yet has not had a breakout fantasy game. In a game projected to be as close as this one is, perhaps the Sanchize's slow and steady pace is the key to a win. WR Hines Ward is enjoying a bump thanks to the return of Bad Ben in Pittsburgh, while it may sound crazy but Roy E. Williams may experience the same thing now that Jon Kitna is taking over for Tony Romo in Dallas. Remember, these two played together in Detroit and it has not been reported that Kitna has the same man love for Jason Witten that Romo does. Meanwhile Kevin Walter remains in the shadow of Andre Johnson and Arian Foster in Houston, so it'll be interesting to see how many touches he gets on Monday Night against the Colts, since the only way this game should be a blow out is if Houston is on top. Running backs Marion Barber and Beanie Wells shouldn't be expected to do much this week, so let's shift our focus to TE Dustin Keller. Keller is a top 5 tight end this season and should have some room to operate in the middle of the field with Santonio Holmes and Braylon Edwards occupying the sidelines in the Jets passing attack. A solid running game will keep the linebackers up, meaning that Keller should be able to get behind them for space at an 8-15 yard clip.
Pussies could use another win like I could use a new digestive system. Quarterback remains an issue as Matt Cassel is the only signal caller on the roster. Perhaps they should explore trading with a team who has a few extras, such as Where's My D-fense? Correction: Just noticed Josh Freeman on the bench. Anyway, the team is vulnerable this week as WRs are again lacking. Mike Sims-Walker is hit or miss no matter who the Jags QB is and Johnny Knox is a deep threat on a team with no offensive line and a QB who enjoys throwing the ball to the other team to show that he's not scared of them. Brilliant. With the Ravens on their bye this week, Rashard Mendenhall will have to carry the load all on his own, although it could be said he's been doing that all season as Ray Rice has been a disappointment. Flex play Dez Bryant had an outstanding game last Monday Night against the Giants in what amounted to garbage time, but fantasy points are fantasy points and if he can duplicate his performance this week it may put the Pussies on a pedestal.
Winning my $$ League (2-5) vs. Wide Right (4-3)
Peyton Manning certainly has his work cut out for him now that TE Dallas Clark is out for the season. How much of a hit will this be to Winning my $$ League's QB remains to be seen. Afterall, he is Peyton Manning. If he is in need of assistance from his teammates though, looking over the roster he isn't going to be thrilled with his options. Best hopes seem to be WR Nate Washington and TE Jason Witten, although no one is sure what sort of rapport Witten and new QB Jon Kitna have. As for Washington, he will have to coral wild passes from Vince Young. And if the Titans do make the move to Kerry Collins, he's already made it clear that he favors former Rutger's Scarlett Knight Kenny Britt. The flex spot remains open and Winning my $$ League could make an early morning move tomorrow as there isn't a need to hold on to 3 defenses.
Wide Right is currently enjoying their most successful season that I can remember. After a surviving a decision to bench Darren McFadden last week, the team is over .500 and in playoff position. Well this week McFadden is in along with Ryan Torrain and Knowshon Moreno. I suspect 2 of the three will be the focal points of the offense this week, but if all 3 get clicking it could be a big win for Wide Right. QB Drew Brees is struggling heading into a matchup with the Steelers on Halloween Night, but he potentially has his 2009 Drew Brees costume in his closet and can break it out for a special one night only "what the hell?" type performance. Still he'll need help from WRs Mike Williams and Larry Fitzgerald. A contribution from Michael Crabtree would be like getting a king-sized Twix bar in your trick-or-treat bag, you're not counting on it but it'll make your night.
You PUNT! (2-5) vs. Stay Puft (3-3-1)
Just barely in the playoffs vs just barely on the outside. You PUNT! is the team trying to make their way in, lead by QB Matt Hasselbeck who know has a bit of an offense thanks to the acquisition of Marshawn Lynch. Against an Oakland team Hasselbeck should be able to provide more pop than his projected 12 points. Still, he won't be able to do it on his own and will need significant contributions from WRs Terrible Owens and Miles Austin. The duo's QB issues have been previously described so I won't reiterate that it's a shaky proposition to rely on these guys. The running situation isn't any better however, as Ricky Williams and C.J. Spiller are both backups who may see a very limited number of carries. Hope comes in the form of tight ends Vernon Davis and Mercedes Lewis, two security blankets for whatever quarterback is unfortunate enough to be under center for their teams. In Davis' case however, it's unlikely that he's taken many reps with Troy Smith. Still, his first name is Troy and not Alex, so it's possible that he's smart enough to get the ball to Davis.
Let's be honest, Halloween is the holiday for Stay Puft. Despite being perfectly mediocre record-wise, this is their week, and the projections show that. QB Matt Schaub may be in for a shootout on Monday Night with Peyton Manning, or he may just need to do a little to get his team the win and let the other guys go nuts. WR Mike Wallace is glad to have Roethlisberger back, as he's scored in each of the games since Ben's return. Kenny Britt is an emerging start at wideout and Reggie Wayne may be Peyton's only reliable weapon left. RBs Adrian Peterson and Ronnie Brown face defenses they can exploit and TE Owen Daniels may have some success if the Colts can't get their pass rush into high gear. Flex play Thomas Jones could be a starting back for any other team, just to give you an idea of how ready to explode this team is this week.
DingleBarrySanders (4-3) vs. NomNomNom (5-2)
The family is at it again, as DingleBarry takes on his older cousin. Bad Ben is in at quarterback while Eli is taking the week off, and he inherits a spoil of riches. WRs Brandon Marshall and Wes Welker to go along with a strong running game. Marshall is in prime position for a good week against a depleted Cincy secondary and no pass rush up front. Wes Welker has had his production decrease significantly since Randy Moss was moved out of town, but after a few weeks to adjust you have to figure that Belicheck has as way to get him back flowing in the offense. MJD is having a disappointing season and it probably won't get any better against the Cowboys. While the G-men were able to run on Dallas last week, the Jags offensive line is nowhere near as good. Steven Jackson will go for St. Louis against the Panther's despite being injured, again. But like always, he's playing. And the player to keep your eyes on? At the flex it's Arian Foster looking to run all over the Colts again.
Despite losing to previously always beaten Where's My D-fense? last week, NomNomNom remains in 2nd place. They look to rebound this week with the help of a loaded passing game featuring Steve Smith (Car), Andre Johnson, Davonne Bess and flex play Calvin Johnson. Each is a number 1, except for Bess who usually just contributes 5+ catches a game anyway. With so much talent on the outside it almost doesn't matter that Carson Palmer is their quarterback. The running game is centered around Jahvid Best who should have some running room against Washington now that Matthew Stafford is back at quarterback. Shonn Greene may seem some increased touches this week against a solid Packer's defense as the Jets have had 2 weeks to prepare and may begin to try to save LT for the post-season. KC TE Tony Moeaki is having an impressive rookie season and with the sudden re-emergence of Dwayne Bowe in the passing game, Moeaki should see less quality coverage, giving him a chance to fact highly in the Chiefs passing game.
And finally, our GAME OF THE WEEK:
#3 GreenZone (5-2) vs. #1 The I.F.F. (7-0)
The GreenZone can make a huge statement this week if they can knock off the current #1. Philip Rivers will be throwing all day, both because the Titans are solid against the run and because that's all he does anyway. The passing game includes WRs Dwayne Bowe and Pierre Garcon whose value is on the rise as well as Brandon Lloyd and Marques Colston who's value may have peaked already. However, if all 4 players can put in a quality effort this week, it may be enough to add the first blemish to the I.F.F. RB Frank Gore is currently looking for a running partner as Panther's back DeAngelo Williams is unlikely to play this week against the Rams. Personal favorite TE Heath Miller is just another of the Steelers who is getting the Bad Ben bump since the return of the team's quarterback. A favorite target for years he's a vital piece to perhaps one of the most balanced offenses in the NFL. This week, his contributions could lead his fantasy team further up the standings.
The Indefinable Franken Furter (hey, it's Halloween) remains unbeaten for now, however with their top two receivers on bye this week, will the current #1 make some early morning moves to keep the win streak alive, or will they take the loss and try not to disturb team chemistry? So that leaves WR Patrick Crayton all alone with the receiving duties this week. Kyle Orton showed signs of coming back down to Earth last week and the poor play of his team has the local fans clamoring for the rookie Tim Teabow. Could it be that the people of Denver deal the most damaging blow to the top seeded team by having his quarterback replaced? With Jay Cutler waiting on the bench that can't be a comfortable position for the I.F.F. to be in. Running backs Chris Johnson, Michael Bush and Jamaal Charles will have to shoulder the burden if the team goes into the game this week with only one pass catcher. Fortunately those are 3 solid backs. Unless Darren McFadden goes nuts again and Bush has to watch it all from the bench. TE Antonio Gates is still hampered by a foot injury which may limit his production, creating an ere of a perfect storm coming together to topple the I.F.F.'s run at perfection.
Just a quick announcement, there likely won't be a preview next week as I'll be in the hospital recuperating from surgery on Tuesday. So, feel free to look over your team's week 9 matchup and make pithy little comments about it to yourself, while I lay in bed hopefully with a supply of pain killers.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Newly thought thoughts on language
I'm not a linguist, nor a stickler for grammar, although I do abhor poorly spelled and confusing emails, text messages and IMs. It's no secret that one of the horrible side-effects of the internet and the constantly in-touch environment it's created is the assault on language. From IM speak, the DrEaDeD 14 year old girl misuse of capitalization and so much more, it's clear that whether or not people are actually dumber on the whole than they used to be, they sound it.
I'll be honest, and you can call it snobbish or elitist if you like, but when I get a piece of electronic communication, either text or email or IM, and it has spelling mistakes and bad grammar, I see it as a negative reflection on the person. Now maybe that was beaten into me by Google, since as "customer support" i.e. non-outsourced tech support over email, we were held to very high standards of grammar, but I'd like to think that my position was already developing organically without their glossaries and style guides. That said, I do owe them thanks for their monitoring and reviewing to ensure the quality of my work.
I recently spent some time in London, a land known for it's accents, "proper-ness" and great writing. Shakespeare, Neil Gaiman, Alan Moore, Agatha Christie, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and more (Dickens intentionally left out because of "Great Expectations"). While studying there with friends, neither art director nor writer alike could resist the urge to examine our own speech patterns, the words we choose, the flow and pace of our sentences and the style in which it is all presented in. It was truly a revelation to hear things said in a way that makes them sound more important and wondrous than they really are. It's a great power to be able to engage someone in the mundane, simply with the way you frame it.
When it comes down to it, that's why I decided to become a writer.
Last night I was watching an old black and white movie, "The Dead of Night" with my mother on Turner Classic Movies. It was remarkable to listen to the dialogue, both narrative to move the plot along as well as the more interesting aspects such as compliments, insults and jokes. I found it inspiring and fascinating and hope to incorporate some phrases or at the very least some of the flow of the dialogue into both my own writing as well as my everyday speech because, truthfully, it just sounds better, classier and has a very attractive style to it.
It beats the hell out of OMG! Did u c the latest Jersey Shore? It'd def be cool to have someone like Snooki as my bff.
I'll be honest, and you can call it snobbish or elitist if you like, but when I get a piece of electronic communication, either text or email or IM, and it has spelling mistakes and bad grammar, I see it as a negative reflection on the person. Now maybe that was beaten into me by Google, since as "customer support" i.e. non-outsourced tech support over email, we were held to very high standards of grammar, but I'd like to think that my position was already developing organically without their glossaries and style guides. That said, I do owe them thanks for their monitoring and reviewing to ensure the quality of my work.
I recently spent some time in London, a land known for it's accents, "proper-ness" and great writing. Shakespeare, Neil Gaiman, Alan Moore, Agatha Christie, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and more (Dickens intentionally left out because of "Great Expectations"). While studying there with friends, neither art director nor writer alike could resist the urge to examine our own speech patterns, the words we choose, the flow and pace of our sentences and the style in which it is all presented in. It was truly a revelation to hear things said in a way that makes them sound more important and wondrous than they really are. It's a great power to be able to engage someone in the mundane, simply with the way you frame it.
When it comes down to it, that's why I decided to become a writer.
Last night I was watching an old black and white movie, "The Dead of Night" with my mother on Turner Classic Movies. It was remarkable to listen to the dialogue, both narrative to move the plot along as well as the more interesting aspects such as compliments, insults and jokes. I found it inspiring and fascinating and hope to incorporate some phrases or at the very least some of the flow of the dialogue into both my own writing as well as my everyday speech because, truthfully, it just sounds better, classier and has a very attractive style to it.
It beats the hell out of OMG! Did u c the latest Jersey Shore? It'd def be cool to have someone like Snooki as my bff.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Ocho TO: Week 7
Clean out your bank account and take that luxury vacation, buy that sports car you always wanted, use styrofoam and aerosol as much as you want, call that girl from high school and tell her that she will always be the one - because the apocalypse is upon us. Where's My D-fense? came within a tenth of a point from winning a game last week. And if it hadn't been for the trade that sent WR Dwayne Bowe to the GreenZone earlier in the week, every team in the league would have at least 1 win. But almost only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and atom bombs. But don't say I didn't warn you if you awake on Tuesday morning to find yourself face to face with St. Peter, Lucifer or Charles Darwin.
Weinenators (1-5) vs. GreenZone (5-1)
The Weinenators are now all that remains between the GreenZone and king of the family honors, and they don't plan on handing over the crown without a fight. Lead by Brett "Keep it in your Wrangler's" Favre, the passing game has seen an increase, notably in the production of WR Hines Ward, thanks to the return of his sexual deviant quarterback, Bad Ben. The other receivers, Steve Smith (Giants) and Roy Williams will play an important role in this matchup, as they square off on Monday Night. While neither is their QB's primary target, they can each reap the rewards of defense's focusing in on shutting down the other guy. The running game remains a concern. Although Michael Turner has overcome his early season injury to be the focal point of the Falcon's offense the other two runners, Marion Barber and Darren Sproles, have both seen their workload decrease as they have been surpassed by other players on their team. TE Kellen Winslow remains a solid producer and the Steelers defense should provide a stat boost this week against the Dolphins, but will it be enough to prevent the Silver-Weiner Sweep?
The GreenZone continues to roll on their 5 game win streak. Quarterback Philip Rivers continually puts up excellent fantasy numbers despite the fact that he can't help his team win a real game. I suppose it's those types of overrated players that are best suited for winning fantasy teams. It's hard to respect Philip Rivers, or the Chargers, when you've got guys like this supporting the team. Thank you Attack of the Show and mega hottie Candace Bailey. Okay, trying to regain focus. Okay, so the GreenZone is still looking to get some production out of WR Marques Colston. However, since the Saints have been without RB Pierre Thomas you'd have to figure that Colston's best chances of putting up numbers are behind him. And with an excellent performance from backup Chris Ivory last week, the Saints may not need to throw as much any more. Imagine that, a balanced offense. Either way, this means that league leading receiver Brandon Lloyd, and recently acquired Dwayne Bowe will need to pick up the slack. Lloyd is capable of it, but was Bowe's last week a fluke or the start of a re-birth? RBs Franke Gore and Deangelo Williams are talented backs on bad teams with bad quarterbacks. The result, they face defenses' geared on stopping them each week. The good news - their teams face each other this week. So maybe someone will do something productive. And finally, the GreenZone acquired TE Heath Miller to replace injured Jermichael Finley.
AnyGivenSunday (1-5) vs. Wide Right (3-3)
Sunday is looking to rebound this week, much like QB Aaron Rodgers who is coming off a concussion. Sunday night he faces off against the Packers' last QB, now playing for the hated Vikings. The receivers are a bit of a patchwork with Jabar Gaffney, Chad Ochocinco, Robert Meachem and Percy Harvin all fighting for catches within their own team. Of the four, Harvin seems to have found the most consistent niche, as a slot receiver, since Randy Moss came back into town. Meachem remains an inconsistent deep threat and Chad is hampered by both the fact that T.O. is also on the team and that Carson Palmer is not very good. The running game is also a bit spotty. Bengals' RB Cedric Benson can't expect to get much support for Leon Washington who is likely to only see a few plays per game as Justin Forsett and Marshawn Lynch have him burried on the Seahawks depth chart. With Kevin Kolb starting at quarterback for the Eagles again, TE Brent Celek could provide strong production, however it may not be enough to cover the spread if the other receivers can't get involved.
Wide Right is hoping to cross the railroad tracks and get into the winning side of town this week. A win and they move into the winner's neighborhood, with better schools and illegal immigrants to cut their grass. QB Drew Brees has managed to avoid the Madden Curse this year (instead passing it on to Pierre Thomas) and despite his team playing poorly most of the time, Brees' stats remain a big plus for the team. Recievers Michael Crabtree and Mike Williams are beginning to become more incorporated into their respective offenses, while Larry Fitzgerald is still struggling with a nobody under center. I believe Kurt Warner has changed his phone number to prevent Fitzgerald from calling the house any more. I wouldn't be surprised if on the Cardinal's bye week "Uncle Fitz" wasn't there to pick Warner's kids up from school. The running game of Ryan Torrain, Darren McFadden and Knowshon Moreno may be where this matchup is won or lost for Wide Right. Big numbers are projected, however Torrain is an injury risk, McFadden is still battling an injury and has a capable backup and Moreno is coming off an injury, has a decent change of pace back (Buckhalter) and is on a pass first team. These three will need to get 20+ carries each in order to be as effective as necessary to relocate the team.
Winning My $$ League (2-4) vs. The I.F.F. (6-0)
Money can't buy you the feeling of ruing an undefeated season. This week Winning My $$ League will try to cash in on their team's talent and do just that. Donovan McNabb isn't having a stellar season, but his average of 16.78 points a game is certainly something to build on. The team is going pass heavy this week with the inclusion of two of the best pass catching TEs in football, Tony Gonzalez and Jason Witten. Winning My $$ League is hoping each can reach double digits to help supplement WR Anquan Boldin in case Nate Washington and Deon Butler can't get their quarterback's attention. Washington however should have strong-arm Kerry Collins under center instead of Vince Young, so it's reasonable to expect he's more valuable with an experience passer who looks for receivers rather than Young's run first then throw it and pray, style of play. Charger's RB Ryan Matthews has retaken his position as the team's number one back, however against a porous New England secondary his carries may be limited as Rivers will likely throw 40+ times.
The Innocent Fuchsia Farmers remain at the summit of the league. Led by Kyle Orton at quarterback and his ridiculous yards per game average, the I.F.F. looks to come one step closer to securing a playoff spot. Yeah I think it's not too long before they make it official. However they may go into this week short handed as WR Malcolm Floyd has been ruled out of Sunday's game and K Adam Vinatieri will be at home watching on TV. Still, receivers Roddy White and Jeremy Maclin are capable of scoring as much as most teams 3 receivers. On the ground, Chris Johnson faces a defense that isn't great against the run, spelling trouble for opponents real and fantasy alike. Eagles RB LeSean McCoy may see more work as the team is down WR DeSean Jackson who got his bell wrung in on of those controversial hits from last week that we've seen replayed all this week. TE Antonio Gates and flex Jamaal Charles are also expected to have good games this week as the Farmers look to stay perfect on the season.
You PUNT! (2-4) vs. Pussies (4-2)
Definitely going for it on 4th down is lead by Fantasy Football Now co-host Tim Hasselbeck's brother, Matt. He's also known as Elizabeth Hasselbeck's brother-in-law. The receiving corps has recently been upgraded with the acquisitions of former now current Patriot Deion Branch, who seemed right at home with Tom Brady after a few years off, and long time Raven's receiver Derrick Mason. Those two will compliment T.O. who is having somewhat of a resurgence in Cincy, despite the fact that Carson Palmer is his quarterback. RBs Ricky Williams and C.J. Spiller are a pair of backups who figure to get a good share of touches per week. However, with their limited workload You PUNT! will need to start hoping for injuries or that his guys make the most out of each of their few carries. TEs Vernon Davis and Mercedes Lewis can only be as good as their quarterbacks let them. In one case it's Alex Smith and in the other, it's Trent Edwards (the guy who the Bills cut) or a guy making his first ever start. I wouldn't hold my breath on these guys breaking records this week. Unless the Panther's defense can't pressure Smith.
The Pussies are currently in 5th place, however their current point total isn't enough to keep them out of danger, so they'll need to win and score big while doing it. QB Tony Romo, of the 1-4 Cowboys, leads the team into their Monday Night showdown with the Giants. Aside from Romo, the other Pussies are Mike Sims-Walker, Johnny Knox and Santana Moss. Other than Moss, each faces quarterback issues this week. Knox will need to hope that the Bear's offensive line can give QB Jay Cutler enough time to deliver it downfield to Knox on one of his big routes. The running backs aren't Pussies, they just wear the uniform. Ray Rice and Rashard Mendenhall run tough and with each of their teams back at full strength, these run first teams should see their backs getting plenty of touches as their QBs lossen up opposing defenses with the passing game. The Pussies recently lost TE Dallas Clarke for the season but replace him this week with Benjamin Watson, who despite playing in Cleveland, is having a good year. He'll need to put up more points this week to help the Pussies climb in the standings.
Stay Puft (2-3-1) vs. DingleBarrySanders (4-2)
Stay Puft is fresh (get it, it's a pun!) off of their tie last week, where they narrowly avoided being the first victim of Where's My D-fense? This week they try to put the bad thoughts behind them. Lead by team captain Adrian Peterson and his backfield mate, Brandon Jacobs. Acceptance leads to resurrection in Jacob's case as he has rebounded from his prime time tantrum to rebound and contribute to a powerful Big Blue rushing attack. Quarterback Kevin Kolb will look to dissect the Titans secondary using Andy Reid's West Coast offense, while receivers Hakeem Nicks and Mike Wallace look to add to their TD totals this season. 2nd year-er Kenny Britt should also benefit from the change to Collins under center as he is a good route runner, able to get open. All traits that real quarterbacks appreciate and are wasted with a guy like Vince Young at quarterback. TE Todd Heap is tough. A week after taking a big hit from Brandon Merriweather hes' lining up and snapping on the chin strap to go at it again. Flex play Thomas Jones is another big player to watch this week as the Cheifs identity is likely to remain a run first offense.
DingleBarrySanders finds itself with a big fictional lead. Which means nothing. I was going to say "Lead by" but after looking at the roster, this team isn't really lead by anyone, it's just a collection of good players who are consistent and put up quality numbers each week. QB Eli Manning has been solid most of the season, although with the re-emergence of a two headed running attack his services have been needed less often. Recievers Brandon Marshall and Wes Welker are consummate PPR threats, however, since Moss left town it seems as though opponents are keying in on stopping Welker. Maurice Jones Drew is suffering from a bad offensive line and now an injured quarterback, meaning he's the guy opposing defenses are scheming against. That leaves Steven Jackson as possibly the only player this team can unequivocally count own. The duo threat has a great matchup at Tampa Bay and could be the spark the pushes this team through with a W this week. Flex play Donald Driver, formerly known as Brett Favre's favorite receiver, may have a big night against his old quarterback as he and Packers try to defend Lambeau from it's old champion.
Now I know what you're thinking. Each week you start with the worst team and work your way up, but Where's My D-fense wasn't the first preview and they still haven't won a game, what gives? Good observation, and yes the worst team always starts off the column. Unless, they are
THE GAME OF THE WEEK
#12 Where's My D-fense (0-5-1) proj.118.11 vs. #2 NomNomNom (5-1) proj. 116.79
After narrowly missing out on their first victory last week, Where's My D-fense? now believes they have a chance. Looking at the league stats only one team has had more points put up against them this season. So are they victims of bad luck? Are they better than their record suggests? This week they look to prove that they are, and shock the world with an upset of the #2 team. Raven's QB Joe Flacco is facing a not so good Buffalo Bills team and may be in store for either a career day or a short one, if the Raven's over power the Bills quickly and sit on the run game to keep the game short and relatively painless. Last week WR Greg Jennings finally had more than 2 catches, as well as over 100 yards receiving and a TD. If he can duplicate his performance this week, he and Randy Moss may begin to develop into the feared tandem they were predicted to be at the start of the season. And while Dwayne Bowe has moved on to Green(Zone)er pastures, Danny Amendola is a PPR threat as the surprising Rams take on Tampa Bay. The running game remains in shambles with Matt Forte only effective if Jay Cutler isn't on his ass all game. Justin Forsett is a change of pace back to starter Marshawn Lynch, but was able to put up impressive numbers in limited carries last week. Jonathan Stewart has been relegated to the flex and is in jeopardy of losing his job if he doesn't perform against the 49ers this week. TE Aaron Hernandez continues to impress as a rookie but it's time he gets into the endzone if Where's My D-fense? hopes to make this the week to put 1 in the win column.
NomNomNom is fighting to remain near the top of the standings and to avoid the embarrassment of losing to the worst team in the league. They are lead by the often critiqued Carson Palmer at quarterback. Despite as much crap as I and other analysts have given him, he's helped NomNomNom to a 4-2 record. Carolina WR Steve Smith makes his return this week and while Matt Moore is under center, he should help Smith's value more than rookie Jimmy Clausen did. Mike Williams and Mike Thomas are the other passing game options with the former having an impressive season and the later trying to break out with a bad offense around him. On the ground Ahmad Bradshaw and Peyton Hillis continue to get the bulk of their team's carries. However, with Hillis' injuries and the Giants beginning to regain faith in Jacobs will these two guys be the ones to get the ball on the goal-line this week? It's a concern for NomNomNom as yards may be hard to come by. Flex player Davonne Bess is also PPR gold, and with the Steelers trying to stop Brandon Marshall, he may be able to add a TD to his 5+ catches on the day. Saints kicker Garret Hartley has regained his job and while facing Cleveland this weekend could be in line for a busy afternoon that makes or breaks his season. He may wind up with more scoring opportunities this week than anyone else on either team. Look for Chiefs' tight end Tony Moeaki to play a big role in the outcome of this matchup, as he will be Matt Cassell's security blanket if Kansas City is unable to get the running game going.
Weinenators (1-5) vs. GreenZone (5-1)
The Weinenators are now all that remains between the GreenZone and king of the family honors, and they don't plan on handing over the crown without a fight. Lead by Brett "Keep it in your Wrangler's" Favre, the passing game has seen an increase, notably in the production of WR Hines Ward, thanks to the return of his sexual deviant quarterback, Bad Ben. The other receivers, Steve Smith (Giants) and Roy Williams will play an important role in this matchup, as they square off on Monday Night. While neither is their QB's primary target, they can each reap the rewards of defense's focusing in on shutting down the other guy. The running game remains a concern. Although Michael Turner has overcome his early season injury to be the focal point of the Falcon's offense the other two runners, Marion Barber and Darren Sproles, have both seen their workload decrease as they have been surpassed by other players on their team. TE Kellen Winslow remains a solid producer and the Steelers defense should provide a stat boost this week against the Dolphins, but will it be enough to prevent the Silver-Weiner Sweep?
The GreenZone continues to roll on their 5 game win streak. Quarterback Philip Rivers continually puts up excellent fantasy numbers despite the fact that he can't help his team win a real game. I suppose it's those types of overrated players that are best suited for winning fantasy teams. It's hard to respect Philip Rivers, or the Chargers, when you've got guys like this supporting the team. Thank you Attack of the Show and mega hottie Candace Bailey. Okay, trying to regain focus. Okay, so the GreenZone is still looking to get some production out of WR Marques Colston. However, since the Saints have been without RB Pierre Thomas you'd have to figure that Colston's best chances of putting up numbers are behind him. And with an excellent performance from backup Chris Ivory last week, the Saints may not need to throw as much any more. Imagine that, a balanced offense. Either way, this means that league leading receiver Brandon Lloyd, and recently acquired Dwayne Bowe will need to pick up the slack. Lloyd is capable of it, but was Bowe's last week a fluke or the start of a re-birth? RBs Franke Gore and Deangelo Williams are talented backs on bad teams with bad quarterbacks. The result, they face defenses' geared on stopping them each week. The good news - their teams face each other this week. So maybe someone will do something productive. And finally, the GreenZone acquired TE Heath Miller to replace injured Jermichael Finley.
AnyGivenSunday (1-5) vs. Wide Right (3-3)
Sunday is looking to rebound this week, much like QB Aaron Rodgers who is coming off a concussion. Sunday night he faces off against the Packers' last QB, now playing for the hated Vikings. The receivers are a bit of a patchwork with Jabar Gaffney, Chad Ochocinco, Robert Meachem and Percy Harvin all fighting for catches within their own team. Of the four, Harvin seems to have found the most consistent niche, as a slot receiver, since Randy Moss came back into town. Meachem remains an inconsistent deep threat and Chad is hampered by both the fact that T.O. is also on the team and that Carson Palmer is not very good. The running game is also a bit spotty. Bengals' RB Cedric Benson can't expect to get much support for Leon Washington who is likely to only see a few plays per game as Justin Forsett and Marshawn Lynch have him burried on the Seahawks depth chart. With Kevin Kolb starting at quarterback for the Eagles again, TE Brent Celek could provide strong production, however it may not be enough to cover the spread if the other receivers can't get involved.
Wide Right is hoping to cross the railroad tracks and get into the winning side of town this week. A win and they move into the winner's neighborhood, with better schools and illegal immigrants to cut their grass. QB Drew Brees has managed to avoid the Madden Curse this year (instead passing it on to Pierre Thomas) and despite his team playing poorly most of the time, Brees' stats remain a big plus for the team. Recievers Michael Crabtree and Mike Williams are beginning to become more incorporated into their respective offenses, while Larry Fitzgerald is still struggling with a nobody under center. I believe Kurt Warner has changed his phone number to prevent Fitzgerald from calling the house any more. I wouldn't be surprised if on the Cardinal's bye week "Uncle Fitz" wasn't there to pick Warner's kids up from school. The running game of Ryan Torrain, Darren McFadden and Knowshon Moreno may be where this matchup is won or lost for Wide Right. Big numbers are projected, however Torrain is an injury risk, McFadden is still battling an injury and has a capable backup and Moreno is coming off an injury, has a decent change of pace back (Buckhalter) and is on a pass first team. These three will need to get 20+ carries each in order to be as effective as necessary to relocate the team.
Winning My $$ League (2-4) vs. The I.F.F. (6-0)
Money can't buy you the feeling of ruing an undefeated season. This week Winning My $$ League will try to cash in on their team's talent and do just that. Donovan McNabb isn't having a stellar season, but his average of 16.78 points a game is certainly something to build on. The team is going pass heavy this week with the inclusion of two of the best pass catching TEs in football, Tony Gonzalez and Jason Witten. Winning My $$ League is hoping each can reach double digits to help supplement WR Anquan Boldin in case Nate Washington and Deon Butler can't get their quarterback's attention. Washington however should have strong-arm Kerry Collins under center instead of Vince Young, so it's reasonable to expect he's more valuable with an experience passer who looks for receivers rather than Young's run first then throw it and pray, style of play. Charger's RB Ryan Matthews has retaken his position as the team's number one back, however against a porous New England secondary his carries may be limited as Rivers will likely throw 40+ times.
The Innocent Fuchsia Farmers remain at the summit of the league. Led by Kyle Orton at quarterback and his ridiculous yards per game average, the I.F.F. looks to come one step closer to securing a playoff spot. Yeah I think it's not too long before they make it official. However they may go into this week short handed as WR Malcolm Floyd has been ruled out of Sunday's game and K Adam Vinatieri will be at home watching on TV. Still, receivers Roddy White and Jeremy Maclin are capable of scoring as much as most teams 3 receivers. On the ground, Chris Johnson faces a defense that isn't great against the run, spelling trouble for opponents real and fantasy alike. Eagles RB LeSean McCoy may see more work as the team is down WR DeSean Jackson who got his bell wrung in on of those controversial hits from last week that we've seen replayed all this week. TE Antonio Gates and flex Jamaal Charles are also expected to have good games this week as the Farmers look to stay perfect on the season.
You PUNT! (2-4) vs. Pussies (4-2)
Definitely going for it on 4th down is lead by Fantasy Football Now co-host Tim Hasselbeck's brother, Matt. He's also known as Elizabeth Hasselbeck's brother-in-law. The receiving corps has recently been upgraded with the acquisitions of former now current Patriot Deion Branch, who seemed right at home with Tom Brady after a few years off, and long time Raven's receiver Derrick Mason. Those two will compliment T.O. who is having somewhat of a resurgence in Cincy, despite the fact that Carson Palmer is his quarterback. RBs Ricky Williams and C.J. Spiller are a pair of backups who figure to get a good share of touches per week. However, with their limited workload You PUNT! will need to start hoping for injuries or that his guys make the most out of each of their few carries. TEs Vernon Davis and Mercedes Lewis can only be as good as their quarterbacks let them. In one case it's Alex Smith and in the other, it's Trent Edwards (the guy who the Bills cut) or a guy making his first ever start. I wouldn't hold my breath on these guys breaking records this week. Unless the Panther's defense can't pressure Smith.
The Pussies are currently in 5th place, however their current point total isn't enough to keep them out of danger, so they'll need to win and score big while doing it. QB Tony Romo, of the 1-4 Cowboys, leads the team into their Monday Night showdown with the Giants. Aside from Romo, the other Pussies are Mike Sims-Walker, Johnny Knox and Santana Moss. Other than Moss, each faces quarterback issues this week. Knox will need to hope that the Bear's offensive line can give QB Jay Cutler enough time to deliver it downfield to Knox on one of his big routes. The running backs aren't Pussies, they just wear the uniform. Ray Rice and Rashard Mendenhall run tough and with each of their teams back at full strength, these run first teams should see their backs getting plenty of touches as their QBs lossen up opposing defenses with the passing game. The Pussies recently lost TE Dallas Clarke for the season but replace him this week with Benjamin Watson, who despite playing in Cleveland, is having a good year. He'll need to put up more points this week to help the Pussies climb in the standings.
Stay Puft (2-3-1) vs. DingleBarrySanders (4-2)
Stay Puft is fresh (get it, it's a pun!) off of their tie last week, where they narrowly avoided being the first victim of Where's My D-fense? This week they try to put the bad thoughts behind them. Lead by team captain Adrian Peterson and his backfield mate, Brandon Jacobs. Acceptance leads to resurrection in Jacob's case as he has rebounded from his prime time tantrum to rebound and contribute to a powerful Big Blue rushing attack. Quarterback Kevin Kolb will look to dissect the Titans secondary using Andy Reid's West Coast offense, while receivers Hakeem Nicks and Mike Wallace look to add to their TD totals this season. 2nd year-er Kenny Britt should also benefit from the change to Collins under center as he is a good route runner, able to get open. All traits that real quarterbacks appreciate and are wasted with a guy like Vince Young at quarterback. TE Todd Heap is tough. A week after taking a big hit from Brandon Merriweather hes' lining up and snapping on the chin strap to go at it again. Flex play Thomas Jones is another big player to watch this week as the Cheifs identity is likely to remain a run first offense.
DingleBarrySanders finds itself with a big fictional lead. Which means nothing. I was going to say "Lead by" but after looking at the roster, this team isn't really lead by anyone, it's just a collection of good players who are consistent and put up quality numbers each week. QB Eli Manning has been solid most of the season, although with the re-emergence of a two headed running attack his services have been needed less often. Recievers Brandon Marshall and Wes Welker are consummate PPR threats, however, since Moss left town it seems as though opponents are keying in on stopping Welker. Maurice Jones Drew is suffering from a bad offensive line and now an injured quarterback, meaning he's the guy opposing defenses are scheming against. That leaves Steven Jackson as possibly the only player this team can unequivocally count own. The duo threat has a great matchup at Tampa Bay and could be the spark the pushes this team through with a W this week. Flex play Donald Driver, formerly known as Brett Favre's favorite receiver, may have a big night against his old quarterback as he and Packers try to defend Lambeau from it's old champion.
Now I know what you're thinking. Each week you start with the worst team and work your way up, but Where's My D-fense wasn't the first preview and they still haven't won a game, what gives? Good observation, and yes the worst team always starts off the column. Unless, they are
THE GAME OF THE WEEK
#12 Where's My D-fense (0-5-1) proj.118.11 vs. #2 NomNomNom (5-1) proj. 116.79
After narrowly missing out on their first victory last week, Where's My D-fense? now believes they have a chance. Looking at the league stats only one team has had more points put up against them this season. So are they victims of bad luck? Are they better than their record suggests? This week they look to prove that they are, and shock the world with an upset of the #2 team. Raven's QB Joe Flacco is facing a not so good Buffalo Bills team and may be in store for either a career day or a short one, if the Raven's over power the Bills quickly and sit on the run game to keep the game short and relatively painless. Last week WR Greg Jennings finally had more than 2 catches, as well as over 100 yards receiving and a TD. If he can duplicate his performance this week, he and Randy Moss may begin to develop into the feared tandem they were predicted to be at the start of the season. And while Dwayne Bowe has moved on to Green(Zone)er pastures, Danny Amendola is a PPR threat as the surprising Rams take on Tampa Bay. The running game remains in shambles with Matt Forte only effective if Jay Cutler isn't on his ass all game. Justin Forsett is a change of pace back to starter Marshawn Lynch, but was able to put up impressive numbers in limited carries last week. Jonathan Stewart has been relegated to the flex and is in jeopardy of losing his job if he doesn't perform against the 49ers this week. TE Aaron Hernandez continues to impress as a rookie but it's time he gets into the endzone if Where's My D-fense? hopes to make this the week to put 1 in the win column.
NomNomNom is fighting to remain near the top of the standings and to avoid the embarrassment of losing to the worst team in the league. They are lead by the often critiqued Carson Palmer at quarterback. Despite as much crap as I and other analysts have given him, he's helped NomNomNom to a 4-2 record. Carolina WR Steve Smith makes his return this week and while Matt Moore is under center, he should help Smith's value more than rookie Jimmy Clausen did. Mike Williams and Mike Thomas are the other passing game options with the former having an impressive season and the later trying to break out with a bad offense around him. On the ground Ahmad Bradshaw and Peyton Hillis continue to get the bulk of their team's carries. However, with Hillis' injuries and the Giants beginning to regain faith in Jacobs will these two guys be the ones to get the ball on the goal-line this week? It's a concern for NomNomNom as yards may be hard to come by. Flex player Davonne Bess is also PPR gold, and with the Steelers trying to stop Brandon Marshall, he may be able to add a TD to his 5+ catches on the day. Saints kicker Garret Hartley has regained his job and while facing Cleveland this weekend could be in line for a busy afternoon that makes or breaks his season. He may wind up with more scoring opportunities this week than anyone else on either team. Look for Chiefs' tight end Tony Moeaki to play a big role in the outcome of this matchup, as he will be Matt Cassell's security blanket if Kansas City is unable to get the running game going.
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